How important is physical attraction to your spouse?

[MichiganMan]

I am well aware of every verse that says inner spiritual beauty is what is important, but I can't help but think God designed us to want to have a physical attraction to our spouse as well. What are your thoughts? If your husband or wife asked you to cut your hair (or change it in any way) because they wanted to be more attracted to you, would you do it?

 

[princekay4]

I was not no way shape or form sexually or physically attracted to the person so what I end up doing was cheating and breaking up on off. What a do learn from the situation is that u can not fight being with someone who can not bring around your friends

 

[OneGodforMe65]

I'm not sure what cutting your hair has to do with physical attraction. It seems strange to me that any spouse would say something like that. I would have problems with self esteem if my spouse wanted me to change my hair so he could be more attracted to me. What's that about?
Your spouse is either attracted to you or they're not. Simple as that. The main issue is, are you willing to do what they want? Or are you just hurt and offended by the request?
It's all up to the individual on how far you will go to please your spouse. I personally think it won't stop with a hair cut/color/change. There must be other issues at stake. Get to the root of the problem.
Just my ideas though.

Janene

 

[bruffcrust]

i had a tiny issue with my husband not liking my short hair when we first got together. it became a fight every time id get a trim. id say "my hair just doesnt work longer". once i grew it out super long he saw that i was right lol i have awful hair. we make small compromises in an effort to keep each other happy. petty things like haircuts, etc shouldnt be a deal breaker. when small things become an issue then theres something else wrong there. and like onegodforme65 said, it could cause real self-esteem problems. this should be addressed right away.

 

[beakybird]

I think it's very important. It shouldn't be the end all though. As a man it would be very hard not to sin by coveting other women if I were not attracted to my wife physically. Now, I don't think that should take priority over spiritual or mental connection, but should be part of the equation.

Hair is only hair. I was once a long-haired man for many, many years my hair never seen a scissor. My wife hated it, though she still married me with it. Eventually I cut it knowing she would be happier with the way I looked and that's ok if you are doing it to make your wife more attracted to you than out of being forced. Now I love it (besides my thinking it Biblically sound for a man to have short hair)

I'm of the belief that we should look basically however our spouses want. That should go both ways. So long as both parties are also considerate of what makes each other comfortable too. My wife has self-esteem issues about herself physical so I wouldn't make do something to infringe upon that because I liked it better. Though if it weren't something that made her feel uncomfortable I think it'd be just fine to ask.

I always tel my wife "you're the one that's gotta look at me, and I don't care about anyone else" so I'll basically do whatever in terms of my appearance. After all appearances are mostly a dumb, useless social standard or rooted in some pride thing.

 

[duuuuu]

I strongly believe that physical appearance is important, even though it doesn't add to the worth of person but how you look is a projection of how you feel inside most of the times. Many people are not honest about how other people look. They will keep saying you are beautiful even when you have a wayward hairdo or attire.

I personally create a comfortable space for me and my wife and even people around me and be honest and say what it really is. The way you say it is also crucial for the recipient to concur with you. Tell a person how beautiful their bodies, hair etc. And then appreciate and applaud them when they look good always. You don't wnat to walk with a woman or man that looks like you mom or dad. I pesonally have a wife with a self-esteem issue but have created comfort that when we buy clothes or want to change a hair do, we consult each other. And when the hair do or clothes don't fit the same way it was in the fitting room we tell each other that : "Love this hairdo or clothes is not bringing the best in you". Remember how we are knitted up is different hence we have a variety of clothes and hairdo's. A fringe hair style for example requires a certain facial structure and learn to be honest with each other and say this is not for you sweety. Instead we make a mistake of ignoring how we look and cant help but starring at all the beautiful women at malls and freeways while driving.

Remember how you used to prepare yourself to meet this girl or boy while dating? Now that you got him it's like you won the lottery and don't want to play anymore. It shouldn't be like that. We should always play the game as if we never won before.

How we look is an important part that balnces the equation. Remember we are not only spiritual but physical too. When you look good you feel good and you do good as well.

 

[JohnsDani]

Wow, GREAT THREAD! TOUGH QUESTION! I would like to go out on a limb and say this. Christians tend to "let themselves go" at far higher rates than the people of the world. In other words, they tend to stop caring about their physical appearance so much. The problem with this is, because God in fact, DID make physical attraction, we can often times become attracted to the people of the world, OVER our own people in Christ. And so, the temptation to mingle with non-believers in a sexual state is there..but is that Godly? No. As 2 Corinthians 6:14 says; "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?". This is something that will test your faith in God. Honestly, because you're being joined in Christ through marriage, it is so, that God has set aside a pool of marriage candidates for you called "Christians"; and because of this, since James 1:17 says "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.", then you will know you have found the right candidate for marriage when you feel you can be physically, emotionally, mentally and SPIRITUALLY fulfilled by that person. The spiritual part is important, because although many worldly couples have the physical, emotional, and mental part down, divorce rates are so high because they are not spiritually bonded, due to neither party or maybe even just one party, not hearing from God. Because God made us, he can repair us. Do you take a Lincoln to a Chevy dealer? Do you take a Chevy to a Lexus dealer? No. We seek repairs from the manufacturer. So when we come to him, after seeing our marriage start to drift, knowing that he joined us in marriage, he will repair our relationships. Why do we know he will repair our relationships? Because in his word, he said, as previously stated, "all things good and perfect come from God", and God is not a liar. So if we trusted him to help us find our partner, then when we find our partner, he will not let our relationship with our partners go to nothing, because then it wouldn't be a "good and perfect gift".

So you need the Spiritual aspect of marriage over ANY aspect of marriage; and if you trust God, he will give you every other aspect of marriage and bond them through the Spiritual aspect, making your marriage "Good and perfect". If you are losing physical attraction to your partner you need to talk with God and trust him. Maybe God will change what you are attracted to. Maybe God will help "spice things up" in your marriage to make it certainly more enjoyable and joyous! lol. Maybe God will move on your life or your partner's life and cause them to get in shape, or stop certain bad habits. Just remember, communication in your relationship is NOT between your wife and yourself, or your husband and yourself. Communication, because you're joined by God, is between your spouse, you, and God. When you throw out God, your marriage is almost bound to fail, or bound to have troubling aspects that may never receive any attention. It's like a car with no repairman...the car looks and runs great when you buy it, but over the years, after you've weathered many storms, it's going to need a repairman. Without that repairman, how can your car run properly?

 

[HOPEOF9]

Is there more to this story than you're telling us? Seems a little vague if you ask me, and I guess you did when you opened this thread...

 

[sunsurfkdt]

Personally, what gets my attention first...is the attractiveness of a person...then once I am attracted to that person, I observe a bit, try and talk to them...and anyways..I have to be attracted them for them to get my attention.