Hi
@Ultima4257,
I think if you read this you will find some of the things you have been wanting to hear. I tried to end my life twice. Do not do that. There is a way to know God personally and to experience the love that He has offered. God is love. He loves you. Please learn from the consequences of things I have done. Read the words of someone who was drowning in depression. There is hope. You need to believe there is hope. Keep reading.
There are sins that I have committed recently that I know I should not have. I am not good. I am a messed up person. My depression has been so bad some days that I almost get nothing done. I am someone who knows about pain. I think there are a lot of people who hide their pain and there may be some people who have not been through very much in their lives yet. I believe that what you are going through is painful. Whoever did wrong to you, the things they did were wrong. God knows that. I feel bad for you when I read what you have written. It reminds me of pain I have experienced. I have wanted to not live anymore in the past. I spent hours and hours asking myself why did all of these things happen to me.
I believe that the rapture will happen very soon, it could be this year. I keep looking to that hope that I have every day. The hope of seeing God as He is. To see His face. I wish that right now I could know more about Him fully, but now I only know in part. From what He has shown me about Himself, He is amazing. He has allowed someone like me to live. There are a lot of people who talk about things that were meant to be and about how God carries out His plans when humans have free will. Sometimes I get so frustrated with so many many things. I know there is a reason why God does not tell me everything I want to know right now. I wonder how much better things might go for me if I knew certain things.
I think about how I really want to be used for something good. I want to live a life where I am useful for something and so many days go by where I don’t feel like I have made myself useful. Everyone wants a community to be a part of. There is something about human beings where we want desperately to be known and to know other people and to feel loved. Eternal life is received by believing in Jesus Christ. Eternal life cannot be lost. What so many people do not understand is that all have sinned. Because a person has sinned in their past they cannot get to heaven by trying to be good. Everyone needs a Savior. Someone could spend their whole life trying to be really good. Because a person has sins in their past means that they are not good in God’s eyes and cannot be good of their own ability. I am not good. I have been forgiven. However good a person tries to be they are not good because they have sinned. It is only through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ that salvation is possible. It is only by believing in Jesus Christ that a person can be saved. I cannot earn eternal life. I am not righteous of my own ability.
We have free will. There are many people on this website writing things that they should not write. I wish so much that I could change my past, but I cannot. It is the stone cold reality that everyone who lives in this world has to face. There are so many many things that I do not have an answer for. One of the things that God uses to show us that He is The Author of The Bible is prophecy. He gives us many good things to show us His love. We cannot expect everything to be perfect. I do know that some people in this world are far far more miserable than others.
God loves you man. God loves you so much that it pleased Him to crush His own Son on the cross because He wants you to be with Him for eternity. He wants you to believe that He loves you and that Jesus Christ died on the cross, was buried and that God rose Jesus from the dead, from the grave so that it is possible for you to receive eternal life and to experience His love for all eternity. When God said that He is love, He most certainly meant what He said. Today He is speaking to you.
One major problem is that there are so many many people teaching so many false things. There are people saying false things about God on this website. There are people who say they are Christians who are not Christians. These are people who believe that they are good when they are not good. They are people who judge others constantly and who lead others to believe things about God that are not true. It is so sad because what they are saying is not true. Think of how God created you. He put you into a world that has problems. Human beings have desires. God does love you. If God did not love you, He would not allow you to have the opportunity to believe in Jesus. He has given you that opportunity. If God did not love me I would be burning in hell. By the power of God, by grace I have been saved. Through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ I have been saved. There are painful things that I still go through as a believer. I think I cause myself to go through pain. Over time as I have learned more about Jesus I love Him more. The lies in my mind that people told me about Jesus are being destroyed. We live in a world where there is a lot of deception. Jesus is so much more beautiful in my eyes now than I thought He was many years ago.
I am not sure how God uses people who have free will to accomplish His plans. I believe He is using at least some of the things I am writing because He really does want you to know Him. He wants you to know how much He loves you. He has given you the time on this earth that He has and has provided good things for you because He wants to give you the opportunity to believe in Jesus Christ. He wants you to become a son of His. He knows that I have sinned. He loves me. It is so important that we understand that we are on this earth for a short time and that it is important to make sure that we make the right choice about what we believe. Believe God. Do not believe the world. It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of The Living God. For a person who dies and did not believe in Jesus Christ while they were living, for that person there is eternal wrath. Imagine how horrible it would be to experience that and to experience that forever. Believe in Jesus Christ today because He loves you and because nobody knows when they will die. I tried to end my life twice. God kept me alive. I believe one of the reasons is to tell you about how much He loves you and about the power and beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We live in a world with temptations. People that we love die. People get sick. There is so much oppression and suffering. Sometimes people think that they can be happy if they commit certain sins, but it is not true. The wages of sin is death. Sin brings suffering and death. God wants us to desire good things. It is good to have desires that are good. One of the reasons God created human beings is to be in relationship with Him.
Please send me a message if you want to or reply here. You definitely want to talk with a pastor. I would be willing to talk with you on the phone if you want. I am not sure when I will see your reply. There is always someone in this world that you can talk to at any time of day. If I don't see your reply, there are people you can talk to. Your life is important and very valuable.
