This is a true very detailed story of how I became a true Christian. I wish to post it here so I can get some responces. Since it's long, I'll have to post twice maybe three times to make it fit so bear with me. 
Parents... You love them, you hate them. But why do my parents always have to make me feel like I'm nothing? I'm writing this tonight because I feel anger inside me. Anger that I do not wish to express to my parents as I normally do. See, I grew up in a non-Christian home. Yeah I was baptized as a baby, but ever since that day, my mom just stopped going to church. My dad never went to church. My mom as a kid was forced to go to church. She believed then, but I guess when I was born my mom lost her faith when she stopped going. Because I grew up not going to church, I developed an insecurity about myself. I was very shy as a kid. Kids would always tease me, put me down, and make me feel like I didn't belong. This happened throughout my entire life from kindergarten to 7th grade. During 7th grade everyone had kind of matured from the teasing state, however because I had really no close friends when I was younger to share my feelings with, all my sad and angry thoughts and feelings were hidden deep inside me. In Elementary school, I would come home crying usually. Not all the time, but sometimes because of the kids. Sure my parents would try to talk to me but they never understood me. In fact, they still don't. I never talked to my dad about anything. In fact I still don't because all he does is yell at me. Lately he has begun to curse at me. Usually he makes me feel like I am nothing. Nothing but a speck, no, maybe not even that. But anyway, because I was always depressed and left out of the crowd in my childhood years, I grew to have depression when I entered 7th grade. It grew worse and worse as months progressed, which eventually turned into years. Yes, years. It ended up with me attempting suicide over 5 times and believe me it was not worth it. I'm happy to say though that I'm almost free of this monster. However I am now left with anxiety in place of it which is just as bad. Sometimes I wonder if I was just born to suffer. I try to tell myself it's not true, but... I don't know, my 3 years of battling depression has left huge scars on my heart that will never disappear. If only I had God on my side when I was younger... maybe none of this would have happened. You see, I used to be a huge sinner. Cursing, denying God... etc... you name it, I did it. Awful... When I look back on my old sinful life, I wish I could just wipe it all out. But I can't. Anyway though, back in December of 2001, was when my Christian journey began. It's amazing how my whole journey started out from a simple talk on IM with my friend Em. However though, the talk wasn't as great as you might think it was. I will never forget that night, I wish I could though, because it left a hole in both my friend's heart and mine. Two conversations happened that night. Here's what the first was about. Em began by telling me a joke about the Christmas story. I told her, I didn't get it because I never heard the story before. She seemed surprised that I never heard it before. Which got us into the talk of Christianity and ended with me saying this awful stuff about it. God isn't real, the bible is a book of made up nonsense...etc that kind of stuff. She logged off without saying goodbye. I then sent her a nasty e-mail about the things I said. Oh why did I do that?! I didn't bring it up to her the next day, but I know today she was probably furious at me. Soon my other friend Emily came online, and again Christianity came up, and also again I began to say all those nasty things. This time however, Emily replied back to me saying she couldn't believe what I was saying, and then logged off. Well something just hit me then. I knew then that Emily was furious at me, and I began to cry. I must have sat there crying for what seemed like hours. I'll never forget that night. It's a night I wish I could just erase out of my life completely and never think about it again. The next day at school Emily was still mad at me, which made me more upset. Luckily however we were able to make up to each other online that night which actually led to something good. Emily asked me if I wanted to come to her church with her that Sunday. I was a little nervous but said I would go. It started off not so good, but eventually I began to enjoy myself. Ever since that day, I wanted to learn more about Christianity and church. However fear was holding me back from attending my own church. What would they think of me if they knew my background? Would they like me? Would they reject me? You know, to this day I have no idea why I would think such things. But I understand that then I was really afraid. But that didn't stop me from learning on my own. I got a Children's Bible and began to read that all the time. Day by day I learned more and more. My friend Pam let me borrow her bible to read. I had never looked at a bible before. Then it was very confusing, so I stuck to reading the Children's Bible. Eventually, my curiosity about my own church began to take me over. My friend Amy went to my church and was a member of my youth group, so I spend a lot of time talking to her about what we did in church and what it was like. Soon Em (who by then wasn't mad at me anymore) Amy and I decided to go together to my church and talk to my Pastor about my fears and other problems. Em and Amy stuck by me the most while I was learning. I thank them heavily for that. The Pastor turned out to be nothing like how I pictured him to be. He was really nice, and gave me a bible that the church uses. Even though Em wasn't a Lutheran like Amy and I were, she still came because she agreed to help me. Em taught me so much about God, and I always enjoyed having conversations with her about him. As I learned more I began to understand more. Soon I started going into Christian chat rooms on Yahoo. I learned more from the teens there too. I ignored the bad kids who were always putting others down mind you. But pretty soon, it came down to the point where I wanted to be a Christian. My friends told me the prayer that would help me become Christian, but I wasn't sure if I was ready. So I avoided saying it for a while. Until finally, one day, I decided that I was going to do it.
Parents... You love them, you hate them. But why do my parents always have to make me feel like I'm nothing? I'm writing this tonight because I feel anger inside me. Anger that I do not wish to express to my parents as I normally do. See, I grew up in a non-Christian home. Yeah I was baptized as a baby, but ever since that day, my mom just stopped going to church. My dad never went to church. My mom as a kid was forced to go to church. She believed then, but I guess when I was born my mom lost her faith when she stopped going. Because I grew up not going to church, I developed an insecurity about myself. I was very shy as a kid. Kids would always tease me, put me down, and make me feel like I didn't belong. This happened throughout my entire life from kindergarten to 7th grade. During 7th grade everyone had kind of matured from the teasing state, however because I had really no close friends when I was younger to share my feelings with, all my sad and angry thoughts and feelings were hidden deep inside me. In Elementary school, I would come home crying usually. Not all the time, but sometimes because of the kids. Sure my parents would try to talk to me but they never understood me. In fact, they still don't. I never talked to my dad about anything. In fact I still don't because all he does is yell at me. Lately he has begun to curse at me. Usually he makes me feel like I am nothing. Nothing but a speck, no, maybe not even that. But anyway, because I was always depressed and left out of the crowd in my childhood years, I grew to have depression when I entered 7th grade. It grew worse and worse as months progressed, which eventually turned into years. Yes, years. It ended up with me attempting suicide over 5 times and believe me it was not worth it. I'm happy to say though that I'm almost free of this monster. However I am now left with anxiety in place of it which is just as bad. Sometimes I wonder if I was just born to suffer. I try to tell myself it's not true, but... I don't know, my 3 years of battling depression has left huge scars on my heart that will never disappear. If only I had God on my side when I was younger... maybe none of this would have happened. You see, I used to be a huge sinner. Cursing, denying God... etc... you name it, I did it. Awful... When I look back on my old sinful life, I wish I could just wipe it all out. But I can't. Anyway though, back in December of 2001, was when my Christian journey began. It's amazing how my whole journey started out from a simple talk on IM with my friend Em. However though, the talk wasn't as great as you might think it was. I will never forget that night, I wish I could though, because it left a hole in both my friend's heart and mine. Two conversations happened that night. Here's what the first was about. Em began by telling me a joke about the Christmas story. I told her, I didn't get it because I never heard the story before. She seemed surprised that I never heard it before. Which got us into the talk of Christianity and ended with me saying this awful stuff about it. God isn't real, the bible is a book of made up nonsense...etc that kind of stuff. She logged off without saying goodbye. I then sent her a nasty e-mail about the things I said. Oh why did I do that?! I didn't bring it up to her the next day, but I know today she was probably furious at me. Soon my other friend Emily came online, and again Christianity came up, and also again I began to say all those nasty things. This time however, Emily replied back to me saying she couldn't believe what I was saying, and then logged off. Well something just hit me then. I knew then that Emily was furious at me, and I began to cry. I must have sat there crying for what seemed like hours. I'll never forget that night. It's a night I wish I could just erase out of my life completely and never think about it again. The next day at school Emily was still mad at me, which made me more upset. Luckily however we were able to make up to each other online that night which actually led to something good. Emily asked me if I wanted to come to her church with her that Sunday. I was a little nervous but said I would go. It started off not so good, but eventually I began to enjoy myself. Ever since that day, I wanted to learn more about Christianity and church. However fear was holding me back from attending my own church. What would they think of me if they knew my background? Would they like me? Would they reject me? You know, to this day I have no idea why I would think such things. But I understand that then I was really afraid. But that didn't stop me from learning on my own. I got a Children's Bible and began to read that all the time. Day by day I learned more and more. My friend Pam let me borrow her bible to read. I had never looked at a bible before. Then it was very confusing, so I stuck to reading the Children's Bible. Eventually, my curiosity about my own church began to take me over. My friend Amy went to my church and was a member of my youth group, so I spend a lot of time talking to her about what we did in church and what it was like. Soon Em (who by then wasn't mad at me anymore) Amy and I decided to go together to my church and talk to my Pastor about my fears and other problems. Em and Amy stuck by me the most while I was learning. I thank them heavily for that. The Pastor turned out to be nothing like how I pictured him to be. He was really nice, and gave me a bible that the church uses. Even though Em wasn't a Lutheran like Amy and I were, she still came because she agreed to help me. Em taught me so much about God, and I always enjoyed having conversations with her about him. As I learned more I began to understand more. Soon I started going into Christian chat rooms on Yahoo. I learned more from the teens there too. I ignored the bad kids who were always putting others down mind you. But pretty soon, it came down to the point where I wanted to be a Christian. My friends told me the prayer that would help me become Christian, but I wasn't sure if I was ready. So I avoided saying it for a while. Until finally, one day, I decided that I was going to do it.
