How harshly is the age gap judged?

[Servant68]

My brother is getting married to a significantly younger woman and I wonder just how badly they are going to get judged for it. He is 41 and she is 25.

I'd post their picture for clarification of how far apart in age they appear, but he is a detective and works drug cases undercover occasionally. No pictures, LOL. My brother has been bald since he was 21 and now has a shaved head with a full beard with lots of gray. I'm 7 years older than him and people think I'm the younger brother...

A little background... He lives 15 miles from me. As many of you know, I am a constant complainer regarding the lack of single women in my age group around here (sorry about that).

When I lived in AZ and my brother lived up here, he would complain about not being able to find a girlfriend. I blew his concerns off since he was 34 at the time, a big handsome cop with a nice house, and in shape with a great personality. How could HE not meet anyone??

Then I moved here after my divorce and realized that the struggle is real...

Then, about a year ago, he told me there was this girl working in the prosecutor's office that was flirting with him and sending him Facebook requests. He said she looks young, but guessed she was in her late 20's.

They went out a couple of times and really fell for each other. Then he found out she was only 24. She was 5 months younger than my son's girlfriend.

But they got along great and a year later, she is pregnant and the wedding date is set.

Sadly, neither of them are Christians. My brother calls himself a Christian, but hasn't gone to church with me in a couple of years. This is his second marriage. First woman was bi-polar and ran off to become a prostitute. She was the daughter of the local sheriff. Long story...

So, with a 16yr age difference, How harshly do you think they are going to be judged? Do you think it will make the marriage more difficult?

I'm pretty sure they don't care what people think. Both families are completely behind the relationship and her family is a salt-of-the earth Christian blue-collar family. Great people.

I personally think they'll be OK, despite the much less than optimal situation...

 

[GeorgeJ]

nvm....just realized this was the singles section......sorry.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

I'm pretty sure they don't care what people think. Both families are completely behind the relationship and her family is a salt-of-the earth Christian blue-collar family. Great people.

you answered your own question?

there was a guy in my church nearing his 40s who married a lady in her mid 20s.

it happens...whatever...

 

[Servant68]

nvm....just realized this was the singles section......sorry.

Yeah! Scoot! We don't want any of you wise, older married people in here!

 

[Tallguy88]

It wouldn't bother me. I'd joke about it and give him heck, of course. But I'd expect no less in return. If you can't razz your friends, then you aren't really friends, are you?

As for myself, I'm getting close to 30 and I'd be willing to go about 10 years younger theoretically. But 3-6 years younger is more ideal for me; I don't want to be raising them... And about 7 years older is my top limit.

 

[Servant68]

At 48, when I searched on dating sites, the age was 35-50.

 

[blackribbon]

It works has worked out plenty of times. I don't think we should judge once a couple gets married.

However, I would look on her with some pity because she is likely to become a younger widow and I know just how much that sucks. I also wouldn't want that kind of age gap because I want someone in the same place in life as I am. But that is just me.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Eh, hard to say. No one around me would really judge too harshly, but my region of the country is different than yours.

 

[Applekrate]

Older guys, younger gals. it has been going on probably forever. I have asked many Pastors and others in the faith. Is there anything in scripture that says, or even remotely indicates that the Lord frowns on that? answer I have found is no.
If anyone can find something concrete that says the Lord does not like that, please show me.
I have no to little interest in gals my age. Much of that is because I have yet to marry and have no kids. So many women have lots of 'mileage' so to speak with multiple past marriages and children. Many seem like combat veterans- I cannot relate to them.
It's a fact that girls grow up faster than most guys do and they like security and the maturity that an older guy may have and can provide.
Further, I have seen power struggles between couples the same age, esp who marry young. Never, ever see that when there is an age split. Each know their roles.
Have a few friends in relationships/marriages with large age gaps. They all seem to do just fine.
Would I choose a mate based on what society thinks? nope.
my .02

 

[redblue22]

this is a trade in my 40 for two 20's conversation.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Is there some humor to be found in a couple that look like father and daughter or mother and son? Mebbe. Is it wrong? definitely not. So as long as they are okay with being mistaken as family members i see no problem here. If people have finally gotten over interracial couples and homosexuality, and dating people with missing body parts or little people then I can't see this being any kind of issue at all.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[MehGuy]

40 year old man courting a 20 year old woman = Creepy old pervert. (Call the cops!)
40 year woman courting a 20 year old man = Cougar (He has to be crazy to pass up an opportunity like this!)

I think feminist articles encourage that.

I know Leonardo Dicaprio receives a lot of hate from older feminists for his tendency to only date 20 something models.

Yet on the rare instance of an older women with a younger man such as Drake and Jennifer Lopez having a thing.. a bunch of feminists came out of the woodwork to gush about it. Not so much that she was with a younger man, but that an older women like her was still seen as attractive enough to date, even from a younger man.

As for where I live, I have no idea. Being in the fetish dating community huge age differences are quite common. Even being a specific attraction because of the perceived power dynamics. It really isn't hard for a 40 year old man there to get a woman in her 20s.

When I become that age, I'll probably still date and have relationships with women in their 20s. Will people think I'm a creep for it? Probably, but not the people that I'll probably respect very much. Biologically it's a pretty natural attraction and for most of human history a 40 year old man with a 20 year old women wouldn't raise an eyebrow. Given we are here to pass on our genes most men are eternally locked preferring 20 year old women until they drop dead of old age, lol. For this society to look down on it so much is bizarre and I guess I do not fully understand the cause of this. Other then feminists subtly pushing this.

 

[Servant68]

I remember thinking when I was in my 20's that I could never find a woman in her 40's attractive. Now that I'm in my 40's, I've found that to be completely untrue...

Yes, a woman in her 20's is attractive, but not appealing to me. I recognize the physical advantages that a 20yr old college girl has over a 40yr old woman as far as skin tone, wrinkles, muscle tone, etc. But I just prefer women closer to my age. And I thank God for that as well. How awful would it be to be chasing around 20yr olds...

 

[MehGuy]

I remember thinking when I was in my 20's that I could never find a woman in her 40's attractive. Now that I'm in my 40's, I've found that to be completely untrue...

Yes, a woman in her 20's is attractive, but not appealing to me. I recognize the physical advantages that a 20yr old college girl has over a 40yr old woman as far as skin tone, wrinkles, muscle tone, etc. But I just prefer women closer to my age. And I thank God for that as well. How awful would it be to be chasing around 20yr olds...

I still find some women in their 40s attractive. Like Marion Collitard. Then again, it's because they look pretty young for their age.

Certainly the percentage isn't the same as when you were in your 20s though. Lol.

Depends on the context of chasing 20 years. Being in the fetish community it isn't a bad experience for older men at all. It's quite natural, and a lot of those 20 year old women are pretty mature, which you have to be for that kind of relationship.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I remember thinking when I was in my 20's that I could never find a woman in her 40's attractive. Now that I'm in my 40's, I've found that to be completely untrue...

Yes, a woman in her 20's is attractive, but not appealing to me. I recognize the physical advantages that a 20yr old college girl has over a 40yr old woman as far as skin tone, wrinkles, muscle tone, etc. But I just prefer women closer to my age. And I thank God for that as well. How awful would it be to be chasing around 20yr olds...

I am in a group that doesn't mind anything in the 20-40(5?)ish range. Gotta be flexible in these tough times we face as a nation. Obviously television anchors have probably made me extend my range higher than it would be if I had a more realistic view of what a mid 40s women usually looks like. Then again I don't really care about having kids.

 

[MehGuy]

Although if you're a 40 year old man dating a woman in her 20s I highly suggest you at least be in good shape. If you're balding shave all the hair off.

Try to look like Jeff Rogan, and not someone with male pattern baldness and a prominent beer gut. Should lessen the "creepy" factor somewhat.. lol.

 

[MehGuy]

I am in a group that doesn't mind anything in the 20-40(5?)ish range. Gotta be flexible in these tough times we face as a nation. Obviously television anchors have probably made me extend my range higher than it would be if I had a more realistic view of what a mid 40s women usually looks like. Then again I don't really care about having kids.

What group? Lol.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

What group? Lol.

A group of guys who aren't ageist?