- Apr 9, 2010
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Hi I'm Jared, and this is my testimony/story. (Sorry for the length) I guess I'll start from the beginning
I was born in december of 1990. and I seemed to be like any normal child. Although something was causing me to get sick very often. The doctors kept telling my parents that it was allergies. And this went on for about the first 9 years of my life. In that short span of time I had been in the hospital over 1,000 times. Christmas was always the worst time because I would always get the flu, even though I had gotten the shots. I remember one of the worst times, I had thrown up about 29 times in one day and I lost 4 pounds. But even though this was going on I still was a kid and wanted to have fun. Around the time that I was in fourth grade, I had gotten really sick and missed a lot of school. The doctors continually told my parents that it was allergies. My parents decided to get a second opinion and the doctors gave me a bunch of tests and diagnosed me with CVID (Common Variable Immuno Deficency). The doctors told my parents that my immune system was not working right and that I would need antibody infusions once every three weeks. Not only that, but the treatment would cost about $4,000 to $5,000 each time. Of course since I was a kid, I didn't know about insurance. And this is where the really sad/scary part of my story comes in.
Here I am, about 10 years old. I went from a semi-normal kid to a kid with a disease. I was so worried that my parents were going to go broke because of this. I saw my mother cry because her son has this and, I thought that I was causing her to cry. I started to get depressed, although it was only a minor depression. Around the time that I was in 7th grade, my depression was still there. I had been homeschooled for 6th grade and because my mom got sick, I went back to public school, this was also around the time that I had accepted Christ into my life. Anyway, the first day that I walked into the school, nobody said a word to me. They just acted like I didn't exist. I sat at lunch by myself that day. But little did I know that this would go on for an entire month. I just kept getting more and more depressed. But then one day a random kid asked if I wanted to sit with him and his friends. I thought, finally!!! a person who actually wants to talk to me. But within 2 weeks, I was back to being homeschooled because I was sick again. I couldn't understand why I had to get sick when I had just made some new friends. I stayed homeschooled for a while, and I was still depressed. It was slowly getting worse.
Then when I was about 15 years old, I met a girl at my church. She was very smart and pretty. But what made me like her the most was that she actually talked to me unlike all the other girls that I had come across beforehand. Her and I started to become closer and I started to develope strong feelings for her. The only trouble was that I had a very low self esteem and very scared to even let her know how I felt. Plus she was after a different guy. This other guy treated her badly and she'd cry to me about it. Of course I was always there for her and I tried to encourage her about the situation, even though I had to put my feelings aside. Then one day, this guy basically told her that he'd never want to be with her. So she was crying in the church bathroom. My sister walked in and they were talking and my sister said, "What about Jared, he's nice." And this girl thought about it and told my sister that it would be cool to be with me. So my sister tells me this and my self esteem went up quite a bit. I was so ready to ask her out, but there was a dilema. She was going on a mission trip for a week. So i decided to wait till she got back. On the sunday that she had gotten back, she started treating me badly, and when she wasn't doing that, she was completely ignoring me. To this day I still don't know the reason why. My self esteem went straight to zero. I became extremely depressed and was contemplating suicide. This went on for about 3 years. I wanted to end my misery. I would wake up and look in the mirror and hate what I saw. I thought I was ugly, and that no girl would ever love a freak like me. I felt like noone would care if I was alive or dead. I felt like my parents were obligated to love me. I just wante people to love me who weren't obligated. When it came close to me ending it, my church youth group decided to go on a mission trip to Colorado. I just wanted to get it over with so that I could go home and end my life.
We finally get to Colorado and I wasn't expecting anything to be fun. I was just filled with so much depression. But I would hide it from everyone. Then while I was there, I met another girl. I found out that she was from Michigan like me, and we just hit it off really well. I finally found someone who actually cared. But not only that, I really started to see God in a new light while I was at this workcamp mission trip. The week had gone by really fast, and my thoughts of suicide were pretty much gone. I ended up getting this girls contact info, and we became really close friends. we would talk for hours on the phone or online. I decided to come visit her about a year later, and I thought things were going great. Again I developed some feelings and I really wanted to express them, but thank God that I didn't. I had gone to see her last december and within a month she started to do the exact same thing that the other girl did. She would ignore me and a few times she treated me like I was worthless, like our friendship didn't matter. Her mom ended up emailing my mom and basically said that I was a creeper/mentalcase. I couldn't believe what was happening. At first I started to get sad again, But for some reason, instead of sulking in a corner I decided to open up my bible. I started in Mathew, and I read all the way to Revelations. I learned so much about God, and about how satan uses people to attack us at our very core. But I also learned that because I have Jesus, I am strong. I don't need to worry about what other people think, because my father who is perfect created me and said that I am special to him. Even through all of this hell in my life, God was able to get me through it. I don't care what other people think about me because Gods perfect opinion matters more to me than an imperfect humans worldly opinion.
Things have been going great now. Some days I do get depressed, but then I remember that I'm not alone, and that Jesus is right there. Now instead worrying about that, I'm a junior high small group leader at my church, and my goal is to help these kids understand that their Father loves them.
Thanks for reading, I know it's a long post. God bless
I was born in december of 1990. and I seemed to be like any normal child. Although something was causing me to get sick very often. The doctors kept telling my parents that it was allergies. And this went on for about the first 9 years of my life. In that short span of time I had been in the hospital over 1,000 times. Christmas was always the worst time because I would always get the flu, even though I had gotten the shots. I remember one of the worst times, I had thrown up about 29 times in one day and I lost 4 pounds. But even though this was going on I still was a kid and wanted to have fun. Around the time that I was in fourth grade, I had gotten really sick and missed a lot of school. The doctors continually told my parents that it was allergies. My parents decided to get a second opinion and the doctors gave me a bunch of tests and diagnosed me with CVID (Common Variable Immuno Deficency). The doctors told my parents that my immune system was not working right and that I would need antibody infusions once every three weeks. Not only that, but the treatment would cost about $4,000 to $5,000 each time. Of course since I was a kid, I didn't know about insurance. And this is where the really sad/scary part of my story comes in.
Here I am, about 10 years old. I went from a semi-normal kid to a kid with a disease. I was so worried that my parents were going to go broke because of this. I saw my mother cry because her son has this and, I thought that I was causing her to cry. I started to get depressed, although it was only a minor depression. Around the time that I was in 7th grade, my depression was still there. I had been homeschooled for 6th grade and because my mom got sick, I went back to public school, this was also around the time that I had accepted Christ into my life. Anyway, the first day that I walked into the school, nobody said a word to me. They just acted like I didn't exist. I sat at lunch by myself that day. But little did I know that this would go on for an entire month. I just kept getting more and more depressed. But then one day a random kid asked if I wanted to sit with him and his friends. I thought, finally!!! a person who actually wants to talk to me. But within 2 weeks, I was back to being homeschooled because I was sick again. I couldn't understand why I had to get sick when I had just made some new friends. I stayed homeschooled for a while, and I was still depressed. It was slowly getting worse.
Then when I was about 15 years old, I met a girl at my church. She was very smart and pretty. But what made me like her the most was that she actually talked to me unlike all the other girls that I had come across beforehand. Her and I started to become closer and I started to develope strong feelings for her. The only trouble was that I had a very low self esteem and very scared to even let her know how I felt. Plus she was after a different guy. This other guy treated her badly and she'd cry to me about it. Of course I was always there for her and I tried to encourage her about the situation, even though I had to put my feelings aside. Then one day, this guy basically told her that he'd never want to be with her. So she was crying in the church bathroom. My sister walked in and they were talking and my sister said, "What about Jared, he's nice." And this girl thought about it and told my sister that it would be cool to be with me. So my sister tells me this and my self esteem went up quite a bit. I was so ready to ask her out, but there was a dilema. She was going on a mission trip for a week. So i decided to wait till she got back. On the sunday that she had gotten back, she started treating me badly, and when she wasn't doing that, she was completely ignoring me. To this day I still don't know the reason why. My self esteem went straight to zero. I became extremely depressed and was contemplating suicide. This went on for about 3 years. I wanted to end my misery. I would wake up and look in the mirror and hate what I saw. I thought I was ugly, and that no girl would ever love a freak like me. I felt like noone would care if I was alive or dead. I felt like my parents were obligated to love me. I just wante people to love me who weren't obligated. When it came close to me ending it, my church youth group decided to go on a mission trip to Colorado. I just wanted to get it over with so that I could go home and end my life.
We finally get to Colorado and I wasn't expecting anything to be fun. I was just filled with so much depression. But I would hide it from everyone. Then while I was there, I met another girl. I found out that she was from Michigan like me, and we just hit it off really well. I finally found someone who actually cared. But not only that, I really started to see God in a new light while I was at this workcamp mission trip. The week had gone by really fast, and my thoughts of suicide were pretty much gone. I ended up getting this girls contact info, and we became really close friends. we would talk for hours on the phone or online. I decided to come visit her about a year later, and I thought things were going great. Again I developed some feelings and I really wanted to express them, but thank God that I didn't. I had gone to see her last december and within a month she started to do the exact same thing that the other girl did. She would ignore me and a few times she treated me like I was worthless, like our friendship didn't matter. Her mom ended up emailing my mom and basically said that I was a creeper/mentalcase. I couldn't believe what was happening. At first I started to get sad again, But for some reason, instead of sulking in a corner I decided to open up my bible. I started in Mathew, and I read all the way to Revelations. I learned so much about God, and about how satan uses people to attack us at our very core. But I also learned that because I have Jesus, I am strong. I don't need to worry about what other people think, because my father who is perfect created me and said that I am special to him. Even through all of this hell in my life, God was able to get me through it. I don't care what other people think about me because Gods perfect opinion matters more to me than an imperfect humans worldly opinion.
Things have been going great now. Some days I do get depressed, but then I remember that I'm not alone, and that Jesus is right there. Now instead worrying about that, I'm a junior high small group leader at my church, and my goal is to help these kids understand that their Father loves them.
Thanks for reading, I know it's a long post. God bless
