how far is too far?

[deornie]

My boyfriend is a Christian and he really inspires me to get closer
to God.We like to read the Bible together and also pray together.
We are very fond of each other.We decided long ago that we don't want
sex before marriage and we keep to our decision.But we have very warm
feelings toward each other and physical relationship is also very
important. But the question is how far is too far?It is said that it
is normal to experiment and explore each others' sexuality and the
important thing is not go too far. So where is this line between sex
and just expressing your love?Some say that each one has his/her own
line, so for someone kissing is the line for others everything is accepted
but penetration.But there should be some universal line that is true
for everyone?...We just want to find our territory to be happy and
safe there and at peace with God. So please can anyone tell us what is
accepted and what is not, how far is too far?

 

[IvoryRain]

What do YOU consider as going too far?

I believe only you can truely and honestly answer that for yourself - without someone else saying something that may make you feel as you have "permission" to go further than you're really comfortable with.

 

[Yitzchak]

In answer to the view that anything short of penetration is alright, I would ask this question. What would you be comfortable with your spouse having done with a member of the opposite sex which he previously dated and broke up with ? Would you consider it sex if he did anything short of penetration? I know these are blunt questions, but I think they do clarify the issue of what is "just friendship" and what falls into the sexual realm.
You will have to answer for yourself but I think it is important for you to be honest with yourself. Another question I have heard asked to clarify the issue is this. what would you be comfortable with your husband doing with another woman after you are married? At what point would you consider it cheating on you? Again, I think most would draw the line far short of anything but penetration before considering it sexual.
I know you are in love and have romantic feelings for each other. But my honest opinion is save all the physical for the wedding night including kissing. Perhaps holding hands is something I would classify as not neccesarially sexual but I think anything that falls into the "sexual" catagory using the questions I asked above to clarify it. Well, why would you want to rank those as permissable or not permissable if they all fall into the "sexual" catagory.
I think the technical definition of kissing (the type done in romantic relationships as in making out) and "petting" is that it is foreplay.
I consider foreplay with my wife to be part of the sexual experience and would not want her to engage in that with any other man ever.
I think the only way to justify the anything short of penetration view is to reduce sex to just the actual intercourse part. I sincerely hope that all married couples including you will have a more full and healthy sex life than just that.
Anyway, I know it can be tough to wait. However, you should never give up or compromise on your convictions. If you stumble or have stumbled, then get back on track and do waht gives you a pure heart and conscience before the Lord.

 

[drdeancrosby]

Deornie you need to establish a very simple ,extremely easy to identify boundary that will be easy to enforce because it will prevent passions from getting too high.NO HAND UNDER ANY CLOTHING is a good one.Unfortunately even kissing needs to be limited in duration and frequency because it can cause excitement leading to tongue penetration of the mouth which meets the technical definition of oral intercourse.You did want specific guidelines didn't you?

 

[secretdawn]

My boyfriend is a Christian and he really inspires me to get closer
to God.We like to read the Bible together and also pray together.
We are very fond of each other.We decided long ago that we don't want
sex before marriage and we keep to our decision.But we have very warm
feelings toward each other and physical relationship is also very
important. But the question is how far is too far?It is said that it
is normal to experiment and explore each others' sexuality and the
important thing is not go too far. So where is this line between sex
and just expressing your love?Some say that each one has his/her own
line, so for someone kissing is the line for others everything is accepted
but penetration.But there should be some universal line that is true
for everyone?...We just want to find our territory to be happy and
safe there and at peace with God. So please can anyone tell us what is
accepted and what is not, how far is too far?

No one can answer this but you. Well, God will tell you...He uses emotions to tell you by the way...try this out...Stop when you feel guilty...even if it is ok to go farther, at least you know you didn't go too far.

 

[keiruso]

1 Corinthians 7:1 says that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. In context, and accurately, this verse means that any touching at all, that leads to an unhealthy desire to do more, should be avoided. What is an unhealthy desire? It is a desire to do that which is forbidden by Scripture or proper authorities in your life. Talk to your parents, to his parents, to the other authorities in your life and consider all the Scripture has to say about fornication (the all-encompassing term in Scripture for sexual sin) and come to a conclusion together. Both of you must be honest. You must be willing to say, "we have to stop, because I want to go further." That is the Biblical approach to relationships. And you will find out, possibly, that you can kiss and hug and hold hands and not be affected in an unhealthy way. But if you find out that holding hands (extreme I know, but it could happen) makes you want to go further, don't hold hands. But obviously, there should be no touching of the "private" parts of either party and no clothes should be removed. Play it safe. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Hope it's helpful!

Keiruso

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You are playing with emotional attachments that are more powerful than you are.

I believe those are best created in the committment of marriage.

Once you start that fire, you will never be able to put it out.
It is a fire that consumes everything.
Desire is not a toy to be played with.

 

[hamster_head]

I spent about 5 painful years trying to find out the answer to your question. Most of the answers other Christians will give you are plain stupid, or so vague that they're never going to be much help to you.

This is the answer, and I've found several who agree in my years of searching. Do not do anything that is intended for the purpose of creating sexual arousal. I won't tell you what falls into this range...it's easy enough to figure it out and it differs a bit for some people and in some contexts; you know if you're trying to arouse someone (making out, breast touching, ect). Fall outside of this range, and you will hurt yourself and your boyfriend. If you do purposely do something that you know will hurt you and your boyfriend, you do not love nor deserve such a relationship.

If you want further justification on this stance, feel free to PM me.

 

[KGirl]

I saw someone on here type "When you're body controls your mind instead of your mind controlling your body you go too far."

 

[momluvsjesus]

I don't believe that you should wait until your emotions tell you to feel "guilty" and then stop. Sometimes our emotions tell us to keep going and then the guilt doesn't come until after we've done what we've done. We're supposed to be led by the Holy Spirit not our emotions.
I agree with several of the previous posters, don't do anything that would make you desire more. I personally think it's better to just refrain from anything more than you would do with let's say, your mom or your sibling. For example, hugging before you say good-bye or a peck on the cheek...those are things you would do with a family member. Before marriage, I think your boyfriend should be treating you like a sister/friend. Save the sexual stuff for marriage...believe me, it's better that way. You'll be glad you waited.

 

[retooferab]

I agree with the previous poster and the Bible-based advice above. How you feel or what society says is not valid. I heard a news story about a teenage pair who did not touch AT ALL until married... very cool. Trust this red-blooded male: it doesn't take much to arouse us guys sometimes. Take it easy, O.K.?