Here is an article I found:
4. Going Steady
When Peter and Susanna Marie determine not to date anyone
else, that is called ``going steady.'' This is more than saying,
``I don't want to date anyone else;'' it is a commitment not to.
This means they spend quite a bit of time together. Going steady
is really a time of determining compatibility for marriage, just
as conversation and friendship was a time of determining
eligibility. You'll want to make this determination very well,
and that means you'll need to spend plenty of time together.
Don't jump the gun and decide to get married after a week or two
of going steady. This is a 30-mile-per-hour zone.
When a couple first begins going steady, sometimes they feel
almost like they are married already. So I always advise that a
couple avoid a lot of holding hands and embracing at first. Let
the relationship develop before taking any action or giving any
gift that says ``commitment.'' On the marriage end of going
steady, of course, holding hands and embracing are more
appropriate expressions of commitment. Inexpensive gifts and
flowers are appropriate for couples going steady, but intimate
gifts should always be reserved for after the vows have been
made.
Now here are a couple of things going steady is not. If
Sarah Jane says, ``We've gone together for two years now. Sam
goes to school in Washington, and I go to school in Alaska,''
that is not going steady. They've probably seen each other only
rarely in those two years. All they can say honestly is that they
haven't gone out with anybody else in two years.
If Mary and Bruce both live in the same town, but he works
six twelve-hour days a week and they only get to see each other
on Friday nights, are they ready for marriage after two months?
Is that really ``going steady?'' All the time they've really had
on which to build their relationship is eight dates, hardly
enough to determine whether or not they are compatible and
whether they should commit themselves to a life-long
relationship.
Going steady means getting togetherin a group and alonevery
often, like every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and all day on
Saturday and Sunday. After three or four months of that, a couple
might get to know one another quite well.
5. Considering Marriage
Step 5 should never precede Steps 1, 2, or 4. Nor should a
couple ever move on to Step 6 without passing Step 5. Considering
marriage is a small step, but it is essential in the dating
process. It is a conscious fading out of going steady into
preparing for engagement.
After going steady for a long time but before being engaged,
a couple must discuss issues that will be vital to a good
marriage. This is where Jim tells Michelle that he wants to have
eleven children, like his mother did. This is where Michelle lets
Jim know she's always wanted to get married in the spring. This
is where both Jim and Michelle know it's getting serious. This
really is the last opportunity either will have to disembark
gracefully before the plane races down the runway for takeoff.
During this time, a couple should feel comfortable holding
hands. And here's where our famous term controlled kissing comes
in. It means you remain totally in control of what you are doing.
While you are kissing, the other functions in your body don't
start going haywire. That's controlled kissing, and that is as
far as you should go before engagement.
This also is the time when you should frankly discuss any
past personal problems you have: prison records, diseases,
children born out of wedlock (especially if they are not living
with you and are not obvious to your potential spouse),
abortions, sterilization, barrenness, heavy indebtedness. It
would be absolutely unfair to save this kind of news until after
engagement.
Even things that seem like little quirks should be ironed
out at this time. If you're thinking, ``I really want to marry
him, but I hope he learns to quit combing his beard in public,''
now is the time to say itbut kindly, of course! While you've been
dating, you see, you've been putting your best foot, your best
clothes, your best eyes forward. You've bought new clothes, had
your hair done. It is a good image, really, but it is also
somewhat false. So sometime before engagement, you must allow the
real you to be exposed. It involves communication at a more
personal level.
``Do you know that when you eat, you chew with your mouth
open?'' says she.
``I do not,'' says he.
``Did you ever look at yourself while you're eating?'' says
she. ``See! Right there! You just did it again.'' She may add,
``You know, I've thought about it, and I don't believe I could
sit across from that for the next thirty years!''
Couples approaching engagement must learn to communicate as
they never have before. If this conversation took place after
marriage, the spouse might well ask, ``Why didn't you say
something about this before?'' These things should be
communicated before engagement and certainly before marriage.
6. Engagement
I believe in longer courtships and shorter engagements
(preferably ten to fifteen weeks). But engagements are a must for
a good marriage, for there is much to be done once a couple has
decided to tie the knot.
For one thing, the couple should spend a lot of time
discussing their plans for the future. They should engage in pre-
marital counseling with their pastor. They should reach
agreements on birth control, family goals, debt limits,
occupation, size of family and other things that are important to
each of them.
And then, there are preparations that must be made for the
wedding ceremony. These may be very simple or very elaborate, but
even the simplest wedding requires some planning and advance
preparation. Carol Benjamin has written a very complete book for
brides-to-be called So You're Getting Married! I recommend it
highly for some sound advice about wedding preparations, be they
simple or elaborate.
There is never a time before marriage or even after marriage,
for that matter when it is appropriate for a couple to display
intimate affection in public. We call it ``hanging all over each
other.'' Even after you're engaged, please don't kiss intimately
in public. (Even after you're married, you should avoid such a
display unless you're saying good-bye to your wife, and then make
it a quick one.) Make yourself a rule that says, ``Don't do
anything that would cause others to be embarrassed.'' This will
regulate your public conduct both before and after the wedding.
Intimate times should always be reserved for when you are alone
together.
Read this part:
But up until the wedding vows are spoken, a couple should
never spend prolonged periods of time alone. Of course, there
will be times when he will stop by to pick her up, and he'll have
to come in and wait for a few moments. They will be alone in the
car as they drive to their destination. But there should never be
a time when they sit at home together and watch television for a
few hours or share the dinner by candlelight at his or her home.
In such a situation, a couple would become an accident just
waiting to happen, no matter how spiritual they think they are.
Protect yourself from crashing and burning. Avoid many
situations when it's just the two of you, with soft lights, low
music, you're talking about your future, and nobody will be
around for twenty-four hours. One practical reason for this is
that your neighbors will observe that. Consider what they will
think is happening in there. What did you make them think is
happening? You drew a picture for them; it would be unfair of you
to accuse them of having an evil mind for thinking you were
having an intimate affair. But a more important reason to avoid
such a situation is that you are lying to yourself if you think
that you can do this very often and not fall into sin. No matter
how spiritual you are, you are still human flesh and blood, and
Satan is out to destroy you. Don't give him the occasion to do
it. Avoid being secluded alone very often, even during your
engagement.
But it's a good idea to have their input and their opinions on who you are "courting".
