How far is too far, physically?

[Euphoria1234]

Hi there everyone, I'm new here

Here's the deal. Myself and my girlfriend are hopelessly in love, and this girl is making me happier than I've ever been in my life. God willing, I'd be happy to spend my life with her, so this isn't just a quick relationship that's ending in a few months; it's serious.

Something that we've been meditating on together over the last few months is what the limit is, in terms of physical contact. We have not, do not, and will not engage in pre-marital sex, as we are both strongly opposed. The bible isn't clear on anything else though. The bible mentions "sexual immorality" all over the place, but then, this is a bit vague, because "immoral" isn't easily defined.

I'll be honest and say that we do share a few rather physical acts as a couple, but I can honestly declare that these acts are done in love, the way a husband and wife will engage in such acts. Nothing we do is purely for the sake of physical gratification.

What are your views on the matter?

 

[Bootstrap]

If you read the Christian books on dating, you'll find that they are very reluctant to give specific advice on this question. Here are my thoughts.

In a serious relationship, I think you really do want to do enough kissing to understand your sexual feelings and how you respond to each other. You want to know that there is chemistry.

If you want to avoid having sex, then I think you should also avoid things that are pretty much equivalent to sex, or pushing the boundaries too much. To me, that includes being naked together.

When we discussed this, my girlfriend suggested the following guidelines: keep your clothes on, don't do things that lead to having [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] together. That makes sense to me.

If you get too hot together, not being able to get to release can be really difficult, and can make you want to go further. That leads to a certain level of built-in frustration. I don't know a good solution to that problem.

 

[Bampot]

As far as you're both comfortable going without feeling guilty. If you both feel that the sexual acts you do take part in are done in love and you can do them without regret, then there's nothing to worry about. Your taking part in physical acts because you love each other and want to experience something amazing together. I'm sure God would not have a problem with that.

 

[mustang333]

I've been given the advice to not make out while laying down because that makes it easier to "cross the line". IMO when someone goes past making out they can get kind of "attatched" to a person and a breakup is then much more devestating.

 

[explodingboy]

Well the best place to start would be to stop looking for the line in the sand, because by the time you find it you'll probably have gone over it.

As to my own views mind, slow and steady and your pretty much in the clear. Aslong as you can honestly say your not just acting on the desires of your pants, then you've probably got a pretty good relationship.

 

[Euphoria1234]

This is exactly what I've been thinking. Thanks for the replies guys

 

[Solo Man]

God commands us to wait until we're married until we do "physical acts" that are "done in love". So it is not right for you to be acting like you're already married. you're not.

If you're not married to this girl and you are making out or having sex with her then you are not honoring her or God with your physical relationship. God calls us to wait until we're married to do these things. Even if it's out of love it is still wrong. if you two broke up ( this is theoretical) then you would both carry heavy baggage with you to your next relationships. things that you could have shared with your future spouse.

not that there is anything wrong with holding hands or kissing or hugging her. but anything that causes sexual arousal or is sexual in nature is not honoring to God. But if holding hands made you aroused sexually i suppose that wouldn't be honoring either.

She's not your wife. It is sin.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Matthew 5:27-28

 

[buzzini]

if you have to ask, deep inside of you knew the answer already. the asking is just seeking for approval.

 

[StarryEyes]

A few weeks ago I was STILL regretting a lot of what my ex and I did physically in our relationship, and this relatioship has been over since Nov. 5, 2007. So I've had some serious forgiving and thinking to do.

After some praying and listening to God, I realize that my next relationship should not go beyond a kiss on the lips. I've carried so much guilt and regret since ending the relationship, and I can't do that again. We didn't have sex, but we did come really close. God is helping me forgive myself and to forgive my ex boyfriend. I'm really looking forward to my next relationship.. really, really really really really!!!!! But God continues to teach me more and more about marriage and I know it isn't quite His timing yet.

So, seek God, pray, stop and listen to Him.. that's what I learned the hard way, but I'm sure glad God told me and now I really need to listen to Him.

 

[Bampot]

If you're a straight couple just be careful about pregnancy and STDs (both are very easy to avoid, especially if you're gay ) and be sure to have fun

You are still very much susceptible to STDs/STIs if you're gay.

 

[Bampot]

Oh no no, I meant babies We test for STDs every month.

Oh, I got confused since you said both pregnancy and STDs were easy to avoid. Anywho, it's great to hear that you test often. More couples should do that.

 

[JasperJackson]

I've heard it said that "if it's something you wouldn't do in front of your parents it's too far".

 

[chi_cchick]

Good one!

 

[chi_cchick]

I personally wouldn't go further than holding hands. I remember going over to someone to give them a hug goodbye and them walking off, embarrassed. I also feel really awkward when guys stand to close to me, espesically if I have feelings for them, so holding hands would be enough for me. I would probably feel okay with side hugs, stroking each others hair or light kisses once we got engaged, but for now that would be enough. I think I'm still a few years off having a relationship, and someone said you can't make those kinds of judgements until yoú've been involved, but I think thats silly. I've got friends who got in too deep before they realised what they were doing. Better to make boundaries, or a line in the sand before you cross them.

Its kind of funny to think about. When I was 13/14 I was so naive, also nonchristian and spent a large quanity of time reading girly magazines. I was convinced I could just go up and make-out with my crush and that I would lose my virginity by the time I was 17. Thank God that didn't happen!

 

[ian90]

How Far is Too Far?

 

[SiyoNqoba]

It's funny how we ask this question. Like, how much can I get away with without it being called disobedience to God?

I'm not a virgin, so obviously I stopped asking this question myself a long time ago. But I've been asked it a few times, and I know my answer.

I think that if you're seeing or touching a private and personal part of someone's body, you've gone too far.

I totally get the whole "But I love him/her and we're going to get married," but the truth is that you just honestly do not know what's going to happen.

My boyfriend had done everything except intercourse with his ex-girlfriend. And with everything past kissing, I've had in the back of my mind that he's already explored that terrain. Still now, almost two years later, every now and then I think about how he's had similar experiences with someone else. It makes me feel uncomfortable, a little embarrassed, slightly dirty, and to be honest, kind of angry. He didn't do it knowing that he wasn't going to marry her, he probably didn't even consider that possibility. But he did break up with her, and now he's with me, and we're experiencing this pain because of choices he made with someone else he loved.

I hope I make this clear: It's not that he did everything except intercourse. It's that he's seen her naked. It's that she's touched him in places that we meant to stay untouched. It's that the first time he experienced various excitements and pleasures and wonders, not just sex, but everything before it, wasn't with me.

 

[chi_cchick]

Hey you're from New Zealand too! Yay

 

[chi_cchick]

Thanks for the link Ian. I know what I wrote looks stupid on paper... I was explaining it to one of my friends for some reason or another (who is supposingly a Christian) and shes like, so your gonna go from complete virgin to harlot in one night? and I nearly choked. I was so embarrassed. People still refer to kissing as part of virginity which is kind of weird, but yes, I don't plan on kissing someone till then. Hopefully I wont suck at it.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

any physical touch, hand holding, hugs, pats on the back, is too far before marriage,
the bible says it is good for a man to not touch a woman, meaning no form of touching before marriage.

I couldn't remember ever reading those words in the Bible, so I searched them on BibleGateway.com in several translations. It didn't come up with anything, so I searched simply "man touch woman" and got only this:

When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."
Luke 7:39

(It's the story of the woman who washes Jesus' feet with her tears and dries them with her hair)

 

[chi_cchick]

Why do I suddenly feel condemned?