How far does complaining get you?

[memoriesbymichelle]

So here I am starting another hopefully not dead thread lol . And it seems to be kind of an oxy moron or whatever IDK, to complain in a thread that people complain too much. I don't know what that word is, but you know what I mean, right?

So we all do it. We all complain at one time or another. BUT here's the thing. Are some of us complaining just to "justify" to themselves why their situation is the way it is? OR do we really want "advice" on how to change our situation? THAT my friends is the question. And for me, it's not just here on this forum. IRL too. I mean I work with all guys and it's a small machine shop (three guys and my boss and me). These guys complain if they don't have enough work to do and how our boss should do this or that or whatever (even though he lets them come to work and collect a paycheck just for being here when work is slow). And then when they get alot of work they complain about having too much work, or what parts my boss orders that they have to rework to fit the job and why does he do that and blah blah blah.
Then there is my bosses 75 year old father that complains about the same things over and over and over and over and....OK you get the point.

So my question to you is, why do you complain? Do you want to change a certain area of your life and you are truly looking for a way to do that successfully? Or have you developed this "habit" in your life for a reason? Are you just wanting some "justification" that poor ol' you so you can be content?

And where does your complaining get you? Does it change your life? Would you like to complain less often? If so, what would have to happen for you to stop complaining?

Now like I said in the beginning we ALL do it. We ALL complain and will continue to do it no matter what, but what I would like to explore is whether or not we can change this behavior and do our circumstances dictate whether or not we stop complaining or not.

I'd like to give you a few quotes I found on complaining.

If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it. -Anthony J. D’Angelo

I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. -Jane Wagner

Untold suffering seldom is. -Franklin P. Jones

When a person finds themselves predisposed to complaining about how little they are regarded by others, let them reflect how little they have contributed to the happiness of others. -Unknown

The squeaking wheel doesn’t always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. -Unknown

This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. -George Bernard Shaw

We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed. -Thomas Fuller

 

[blackribbon]

Wow, that is a lot of thought in one post.

I was thinking about this myself today. My daughter has a friend she skates with. We have helped her out financially a few times and I found her a sponsor this year so that she could skate in the club's ice show (something she wanted to do very much). I know her mom appreciates my help...but my daughter rode with them home from practice yesterday and said that the mom was complaining that their routine was kind of boring. What? I think it is great and really highlights the particular skills this group of girls has been working on. Is every move all flashy?...nope, but trust me, it isn't easy getting a group of 9 girls ranging in age from 7 to 13 to skate together. It kind of knocked the wind out of me since it is a friend of mine who paid for her to be in the show. She complained last year too...(and to me who she didn't know paid her way into the show.) I don't know that I'll be putting out the extra effort next year. I don't expect gratitude but it would be nice if they could just appreciate the fact that they are here instead of always wishing for more. (And it isn't like her daughter is a higher level skater than the other girls...mine is best skater ... hers is one of the better ones too...but if I was a coach, I'd spend more time with a lower level girl who had a better attitude.)

(Okay...here is where complaining HELPS me...if I have a safe place to vent and get it out of my system so that I can just let go of it. This safe place used to be my husband...now I have to pick carefully because I don't want anything to ever get back and hurt anyone. My frustrations with people's attitudes ARE my own problem.)

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Like I said, we ALL complain. Maybe it's just in our nature IDK. And I think it is perfectly fine to vent and say your peace so you can move on, and I get that, and I do it too.

I guess where I take issue is, when people just complain to hear themselves talk....about themselves......with no thought to the other side of things, or how to change something that they are complaining about.

It's that never happy syndrom that bothers me the most and all the
"Yeah but".......comments.

Have some of us forgotten how to count our blessings? Some days, like today when I am already tired I guess it just wears on me more than other days.

Also I really like to help people and whether they take my advice or not is irrelevant to me. It's not about getting credit or whatever for me, I want to seriously encourage people who need it. But when all you get back is complaining complaining complaining, it really is draining at times.

And to your point about that girl's mother, I cannot even express in words how angry it makes me when people complain about a "gift". I mean someone else paid for her and she really has no right to complain. It's like someone giving you a gift like a gift card and you complain because you would rather they give you cash. It's insulting and especially insulting to those that have paid!

Some people's kids, what are you gonna do, right?

 

[blackribbon]

I hate Christmas. In my husband's family, it is isn't the thought that counts but the actual gift. They were always wanting "the receipts" so they could go exchange my(and everybody else's) gifts for something they wanted more. I finally realized that it was just how they functioned when my MIL asked her husband for the receipt for the coat he bought her before we even cleaned up the wrapping paper. It was beautiful and I know he went out (with their daughter) and picked it out specifically for her. I personally loved and valued ANYTHING my husband bought for me because he (like his dad) hated shopping. I just started wrapping the gift receipt with the gift and quit putting so much thought into the gifts so my feelings wouldn't be hurt. The gifts were never as nice because this kind of shopping makes it almost impossible to get the bargains I could get before.

(and Michelle ... I suspect that I understand where the original post is coming from and concur... )

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yeah I hear ya. Whenever I buy anyone a gift it is never just any ol' thing. I always take time to consider what they like, what they need, what they want, their favorite things so that hopefully the gift I give them willl be special to them (but alot of times, in fact more often than not, isn't ) but it doesn't change who I am and how I give gifts, but in your situation I'd do the same thing. I'd probably just get them gift cards and save all the trouble lol.

Here's another question....Do men complain more than women or do women complain more than men?

 

[dayhiker]

I mention negative things that happen and positive. I see them more as observations than complaining. But I've noticed that others think I'm complaining.

Ah, well we all see things differently.

 

[blackribbon]

I do think, on average, women do complain more than men. I think that this is partially because they tend to be more verbal. And I think it has to do with who has more preconceived expectations (hence, things are more likely to be different from what they expected). However, men who are highly verbal and who have higher preconceived expectations are just as likely to complain.

 

[exitstageright]

So here I am starting another hopefully not dead thread lol . And it seems to be kind of an oxy moron or whatever IDK, to complain in a thread that people complain too much. I don't know what that word is, but you know what I mean, right?

So we all do it. We all complain at one time or another. BUT here's the thing. Are some of us complaining just to "justify" to themselves why their situation is the way it is? OR do we really want "advice" on how to change our situation? THAT my friends is the question. And for me, it's not just here on this forum. IRL too. I mean I work with all guys and it's a small machine shop (three guys and my boss and me). These guys complain if they don't have enough work to do and how our boss should do this or that or whatever (even though he lets them come to work and collect a paycheck just for being here when work is slow). And then when they get alot of work they complain about having too much work, or what parts my boss orders that they have to rework to fit the job and why does he do that and blah blah blah.
Then there is my bosses 75 year old father that complains about the same things over and over and over and over and....OK you get the point.

So my question to you is, why do you complain? Do you want to change a certain area of your life and you are truly looking for a way to do that successfully? Or have you developed this "habit" in your life for a reason? Are you just wanting some "justification" that poor ol' you so you can be content?

And where does your complaining get you? Does it change your life? Would you like to complain less often? If so, what would have to happen for you to stop complaining?

Now like I said in the beginning we ALL do it. We ALL complain and will continue to do it no matter what, but what I would like to explore is whether or not we can change this behavior and do our circumstances dictate whether or not we stop complaining or not.

I'd like to give you a few quotes I found on complaining.

If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it. -Anthony J. D’Angelo

I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. -Jane Wagner

Untold suffering seldom is. -Franklin P. Jones

When a person finds themselves predisposed to complaining about how little they are regarded by others, let them reflect how little they have contributed to the happiness of others. -Unknown

The squeaking wheel doesn’t always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. -Unknown

This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. -George Bernard Shaw

We are born crying, live complaining, and die disappointed. -Thomas Fuller

I think that complaing can be very,very,very therapeutic. Many times,after someone shoots up their workplace,you hear a victim say"But...but he was such

a nice guy.He was SO-O-O QUIET.He NEVER complianed" I would rather someone
"shoot off their MOUTH" than to shoot off their GUN.

Besides,complianing IS Biblical. For example in Pslam 13,David says."How long,LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?"
That sure sounds like complaining to me.

 

[blackribbon]

Psalm 13:5-6
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.


Sounds like he repented from complaining...


(actually, I think the first part sounds more like a plea for help...but to each his own interpretation)

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm sure it works both ways, but lately......it is my experience here and IRL that the men in my life win...they complain the most. So in my quest for someone to share my life with I do not want...................................a grumpy old man, sorry guys. NO offense met, it's just my 95 year old great aunt doesn't complain about as much as some of the men I know IRL and on here.

 

[Bridgit]

....


So my question to you is, why do you complain?
Do you want to change a certain area of your life and you are truly looking for a way to do that successfully?

Or have you developed this "habit" in your life for a reason? Are you just wanting some "justification" that poor ol' you so you can be content? And where does your complaining get you? Does it change your life?

Would you like to complain less often? If so, what would have to happen for you to stop complaining? ...

I believe that I mainly complain when I am tired and self-centered and want retribution. At other times I complain when I am faced with others' selfishness, expressing my shock and disapproval wanting to show others their mistakes/faults.

According to the Bible we should not complain:

Philippians 2:14
Do everything without complaining and arguing.

Ephesians 4:29
Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

James 5:9
Don't grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged for look, the Judge is standing at the door.

Numbers 11:1
Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord hear everything they said. Then the Lord's anger blazed against them...

Number 11:10
Moses heard all the families standing in the doorways of their tents whining, and the Lord became extremely angry. Moses was also very aggravated.

Complaining doesn't help me personally. On the contrary, it puts fuel to my fire. It also allows my flesh, this world and the enemy to increase and justify my foul mood.

To me, complaining is the equivalent of a childish temper tantrum.

In order to lessen my complaining, I personally need to stop thinking about myself and choose to follow Christ's example. I need to change my focus. I have to agree and believe that God never makes mistakes and that what I am experiencing in life, God will use it to renew my mind, mold me to be more like Christ so that I can glorify Him in all I do and say.

What Christ suffered for us is unimaginable and yet He never ever complained.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

[/color]




I believe that I mainly complain when I am tired and self-centered and want retribution. At other times I complain when I am faced with others' selfishness, expressing my shock and disapproval wanting to show others their mistakes/faults.

According to the Bible we should not complain:

Philippians 2:14
Do everything without complaining and arguing.

Ephesians 4:29
Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

James 5:9
Don't grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged for look, the Judge is standing at the door.

Numbers 11:1
Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord hear everything they said. Then the Lord's anger blazed against them...

Number 11:10
Moses heard all the families standing in the doorways of their tents whining, and the Lord became extremely angry. Moses was also very aggravated.

Complaining doesn't help me personally. On the contrary, it puts fuel to my fire. It also allows my flesh, this world and the enemy to increase and justify my foul mood.

To me, complaining is the equivalent of a childish temper tantrum.

In order to lessen my complaining, I personally need to stop thinking about myself and choose to follow Christ's example. I need to change my focus. I have to agree and believe that God never makes mistakes and that what I am experiencing in life, God will use it to renew my mind, mold me to be more like Christ so that I can glorify Him in all I do and say.

What Christ suffered for us is unimaginable and yet He never ever complained.

Excellent post Bridgit! Thanks for some semblence of how we should be and I agree (as I complain about others' complaining lol). And I agree that when I am tired or sick I can't take as much complaining from others, as it truly is draining. I don't mind the occasional vent because I think we all need an outlet, but some people this is their "norm" and they don't even see how negative they are let alone how they drain others, and they probably don't even care much (shrugs)

 

[blackribbon]

I agree.

However, there is a difference with complaining for the sake of complaining ...and complaining when you are willing to help make a change or have a valid solution at hand.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree.

However, there is a difference with complaining for the sake of complaining ...and complaining when you are willing to help make a change or have a valid solution at hand.

I, too, agree with you!

I also think when we complain about "other people" we really can only vent because obviously we cannot change other people. We can, however, try different methods to not let those same people's negativity rule over us, and bother us as much. Because some people really don't want to change, they just want to hear themselves talk, I think.

 

[exitstageright]

[/color]




I believe that I mainly complain when I am tired and self-centered and want retribution. At other times I complain when I am faced with others' selfishness, expressing my shock and disapproval wanting to show others their mistakes/faults.

According to the Bible we should not complain:

Philippians 2:14
Do everything without complaining and arguing.

Ephesians 4:29
Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

James 5:9
Don't grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged for look, the Judge is standing at the door.

Numbers 11:1
Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord hear everything they said. Then the Lord's anger blazed against them...

Number 11:10
Moses heard all the families standing in the doorways of their tents whining, and the Lord became extremely angry. Moses was also very aggravated.

Complaining doesn't help me personally. On the contrary, it puts fuel to my fire. It also allows my flesh, this world and the enemy to increase and justify my foul mood.

To me, complaining is the equivalent of a childish temper tantrum.

In order to lessen my complaining, I personally need to stop thinking about myself and choose to follow Christ's example. I need to change my focus. I have to agree and believe that God never makes mistakes and that what I am experiencing in life, God will use it to renew my mind, mold me to be more like Christ so that I can glorify Him in all I do and say.

What Christ suffered for us is unimaginable and yet He never ever complained.

I feel that if it is a LEGITAMATE concern,then complaing,AND DOING something about it,are the right steps to take.
Case in point,before the Civil Rights Movement,many black people COMPLAINED how they were being mistreated in the SOUTH. Those complaints were HEARD,and our nation did something about those complaints.Thus,the Civil Rights Movement was born.

 

[exitstageright]

I, too, agree with you!

I also think when we complain about "other people" we really can only vent because obviously we cannot change other people. We can, however, try different methods to not let those same people's negativity rule over us, and bother us as much. Because some people really don't want to change, they just want to hear themselves talk, I think.

As I have said before,I rather have an angry man,"shooting off his
MOUTH",instead of him shooting off his........ GUN!