How d'you cope with being unmarried and sexually aroused?

[AetheriusLamia]

Really, it's not fair. I'm expecting this thread to attract men, due to the sexual stereotypes engendered in our society, but I hope women will respond, since I am rather transgendered. (That is, I fit more female gender roles in USA than male gender roles, by action, mental and physical nature.)

And, so we're on the same page, please see the Catechism of the Catholic Church regarding the Sixth Commandment. To quote a few highlights -- unfortunately copying here strips formatting, so you may wish to read it at that page:

Offenses against chastity

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."137 "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."138 [...]

2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. [...]

Chastity and homosexuality

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. [...] Under no circumstances can [homosexual acts] be approved.

[...]

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

[...]

2394 Christ is the model of chastity. Every baptized person is called to lead a chaste life, each according to his particular state of life.

2395 Chastity means the integration of sexuality within the person. It includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery.

2396 Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices.

(Note that all persons are called to chastity (2395); it is not a synonym for celibacy.)

Not only am I single, I may be more interested in men than women; I may not even be truly interested in women. While I may meet someone and we enter into a covenant before God regarding our relationship as David and Jonathan did (not marriage but the next best thing, I presume), the Church teaches we must still remain sexually celibate.

How do you control yourself, how do you manage your sexual urges and desires? How often are you tempted? I suppose I want to discuss these issues with others because I'm feeling rather alone and in the dark, and I get discouraged and "this game" seems rather pointless, unnecessary, and stupid.

 

[E.C.]

Seek spiritual counsel. Immediately.

 

[WileyCoyote]

I'm trying to cope. But I'll tell you one thing. Having sex with men is NOT the answer.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[JCSeeker]

Hi, I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in dealing with issues of sexuality, there are millions of guys and girls who struggle with it as you do.

Just a few things:

It's not enough to stop yourself from masturbating or otherwise sinning sexually. 'Cuz all of us have an emptiness that must be filled by something, whether good or bad. So you must pray that God shows you the good works he has prepared for you in advance. By filling your day with His work you will forgo the sexual temptations which are waiting for us when we are idle.

I've thought about this because I'm currently at a spiritual low. But regardless of my own condition God is still working and loving his children everywhere. It's important to move on, pick yourself up and get working again. When you fall, fall forwards, towards God.

May the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious father, give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know Him better.

 

[StarCannon]

To prevent masturbation and to NOT engage in intercourse is surely to invite death, mental disorders, and otherwise unpleasant effects.

You're gonna have to make a choice:
a)Indulge in human nature and forget what the church says.
b)Indulge in what the church says and forget about human nature.

I gurantee there's no hell. I gurantee there is no god wrathful capable of striking anyone down. I gurantee this against my own soul for I KNOW it is truth.

I advise option A. It'll save you a lot of heartache and pain. It will help you live your life to the fullest.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I don't have urges to fight off. :/

 

[Thunder Peel]

To prevent masturbation and to NOT engage in intercourse is surely to invite death, mental disorders, and otherwise unpleasant effects.

Where exactly is the proof of this? I see no reason why abstaining from these things would be at all harmful.

AetheriusLamia, it sounds like you may be dealing with some conviction and questions, both of which would be wise not to ignore. The fact that you're seeking out answers is good and I think you really need to spend some serious time in prayer about this. I would also recommend finding someone like a pastor or strong Christian friend who could guide you and could pray for you. Most of us struggle with lust; unfortunately that's just a part of human nature. However, it IS one you can control and God will help you if you ask Him. I'll be praying for you.


1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

[AetheriusLamia]

I see that 1 Cor. quotation arise a lot in discussions concerning sexuality on this site. (That is, I've seen it three times now in a week, I think.)

 

[codya517]

I gurantee this *against my own soul* for I KNOW it is truth.

Quite. Though saying that is a bit arrogant, and this isn't the place to debate. He seeks help on controlling himself. We all battle it, and for someone to outright imply "nah, go ahead, you'll be fine" I can't stay silent. I may be quite unpopular for my approach on this, but if one outright tries to push him more in the wrong direction I am going to outright assault the idea. You can't guarantee there is no God, because if you think that, then you operate in the physical or flesh, so you wouldn't know otherwise. But he knows different, as do most of us here. I didn't grow up in church either, I know both sides of the coin and after experiencing the truth, I can't willingly say what you say, God is as real as the sky is blue, and I don't like it when people try to mess with one of my brother's heads.

now back on target.

I suggest seeking counsel with a strong christian and/or pastor. It's a struggle and probably an ongoing one. It'll be thrown in our faces by satan time and time again, I suggest lots of prayer and use Jesus' name and believe He'll come rescue you, cry it out. Not just wimpy prayer either, put your heart in to it, shout His name and prove to the enemy where you stand. As you may have guessed, my approach is always aggressive (see my above comments heh). It's good to be aggressive against temptation in a healthy way, make a stand. Don't be lulled in to it. Anytime you get lulled you leave yourself open the longer you're in that state.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Keep yourself busy with other things.

If you have problems with porn, then you need to find somebody you trust to be your accountability problem. Raise the security settings on your computer so no pictures come up on an innocent search to tempt you and if necessary, have a friend set a password on screening software so you don't know it and can't change it. Limit comp time and if you feel tempted, turn it off and go do an outside activity.

 

[* kittie *]

To prevent masturbation and to NOT engage in intercourse is surely to invite death, mental disorders, and otherwise unpleasant effects.

Unless you're joking (which in that case, the humor is missed), where did you get that sort of information?

Anyways, I'd agree with the accountability partner. Realize what sorts of things trigger temptation, and try to avoid them. It's tough...

 

[jelvenko]

In answer to the question asked by the OP...

When my husband and I were dating, we lived 2,000 miles apart from each other. So even though we would get aroused, there was nothing we could do about it. In the long run, that has helped our relationship immensely. Because instead of focusing on the physical aspect of it, we were able to build good communication. We are going to be celebrating our 2 year anniversary in January. (Yes, we're living together now.) We still have great communication (not perfect, but it's something that can always be improved.) And we also have a good physical relationship. But even so, it's ok if we don't for a couple of weeks. Because we took the time to get to know each other first, and work on our communication.

So if it really is a problem with you, take a break from seeing the person who is arousing you. Instead, just talk on the phone, or through e-mails. Work on the communication and don't worry about the physical.

 

[K9_Trainer]

In answer to the question asked by the OP...

When my husband and I were dating, we lived 2,000 miles apart from each other. So even though we would get aroused, there was nothing we could do about it. In the long run, that has helped our relationship immensely. Because instead of focusing on the physical aspect of it, we were able to build good communication. We are going to be celebrating our 2 year anniversary in January. (Yes, we're living together now.) We still have great communication (not perfect, but it's something that can always be improved.) And we also have a good physical relationship. But even so, it's ok if we don't for a couple of weeks. Because we took the time to get to know each other first, and work on our communication.

So if it really is a problem with you, take a break from seeing the person who is arousing you. Instead, just talk on the phone, or through e-mails. Work on the communication and don't worry about the physical.

Agreed.

Me and my SO live far away from each other, 2100 miles. So even if we get the itch, there's no way to scratch it. And we too have an amazing emotional bond and amazing communication as a result.

 

[xxJaydie]

Tell God exactly how you feel about everything. Talk to him. Ask for the truth - ask for guidance. Ask for him to give you a real desire to be pure minded and for the strength to be pure minded. We can't do it, but God can do it in us. He's our rock, our strength.

And I am always amazed at what God does to my sinful desires when I sincerely ask him in perseverance. They literally lose that power over me that I never felt I'd be able to be free from. And it's fantastic!!

 

[StarCannon]

Unless you're joking (which in that case, the humor is missed), where did you get that sort of information?

I could tell but then I'd have to kill you. No, I'm not joking. I'm dead serious. Has anyone ever wondered WHY the catholoic priest scandal happened? You can't suppress something as important as having sex without weiiiiiird and unnatural stuff happening.
Humans are supposed to have sex and when they don't they wither up and die from the inside out. I'm not advocating promiscuity but rather a healthy sex life regardless of what doctrine says.

 

[AetheriusLamia]

To prevent masturbation and to NOT engage in intercourse is surely to invite death, mental disorders, and otherwise unpleasant effects.

You're gonna have to make a choice:
a)Indulge in human nature and forget what the church says.
b)Indulge in what the church says and forget about human nature.

I gurantee there's no hell. I gurantee there is no god wrathful capable of striking anyone down. I gurantee this against my own soul for I KNOW it is truth.

I advise option A. It'll save you a lot of heartache and pain. It will help you live your life to the fullest.

Encouraging satanism is expressly forbidden on this site, but I suppose you already know that. I'm not going to report you for rule-breaking, since I don't care to spend time policing others, but I'll tell you up front that I find satanism very foolish and short-sighted.

 

[JeebusDa3rd]

Well if you have two hands that would help. I dont think masturbation is wrong. As long as you dont go around telling everyone you do it, it be fine.

 

[StarCannon]

Encouraging satanism is expressly forbidden on this site, but I suppose you already know that. I'm not going to report you for rule-breaking, since I don't care to spend time policing others, but I'll tell you up front that I find satanism very foolish and short-sighted.

I didn't say nothing about no satanism. I'm just tellin' you that you've got some choices to make. That's all. For all you know, I could be an atheist.

 

[Trashionista]

I could tell but then I'd have to kill you. No, I'm not joking. I'm dead serious. Has anyone ever wondered WHY the catholoic priest scandal happened? You can't suppress something as important as having sex without weiiiiiird and unnatural stuff happening.
Humans are supposed to have sex and when they don't they wither up and die from the inside out. I'm not advocating promiscuity but rather a healthy sex life regardless of what doctrine says.

I'd like to disagree on this post, though I do somewhat agree with your previous one in this thread.

There are benefits to masturbation as while as to sexual intercourse, such as stress relief. But pedophilia is something entirely different to being sexually frustrated. Even if those preists could have chosen to touch or had been allowed to be married, there is no definitive proof to suggest that they wouldn't have sexually molested young boys & girls.

There are plenty of pedophiles who are actually married or in comitted relationships, and getting laid on a regular basis, but still choose to go after young kids or feel the compulsion too. Because it's usually about power [which can be seen in the fact that pedophiles generally do not discriminate based on gender] and not totally about sexuality.

On topic though, I don't really have any advice. If you decide to touch, it is a completely natural action. If you choose counsel, that's your choice as well.

As long as you dont go around telling everyone you do it, it be fine.

I'd also like to agree with this one. It's quite sad in this day and age of purity rings and public confessions about one's sex life, discretion seems to have also lost it's value.