How does one prepare for marriage when still single?

[historyincognito]

Any advice?

 

[Poppyseed78]

There are a lot of things. Get yourself stable mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially. Keep up your personal hygiene. Cultivate friendships with people you respect and who set a good example for you. Since you're single, presumably you have more free time, so you can use it for helping others, volunteering, attending Bible studies. Learn to cook a few decent meals. Read books. Practice treating others with patience and compassion, both of which are necessary in a marriage.

 

[Stillicidia]

Pray for passionate power always.

A terrible thing to get married and not be able to support your wife.

 

[chandraclaws]

Any advice?

A variety of good books to read as you prepare for marriage:

http://www.joyfullymad.com/five-books-to-read-while-youre-engaged/

 

[tturt]

Also, learn as much as possible about your future spouse. Not that they won't change their minds plus you'll change yours but get that snapshot. It's important for you to know what each of you expects from each other, your goals, etc. Know about finances including budgeting, educational goals, communication skills, if your want children, and if so, how you think they should be raised, etc. Evaluate how that future spouse acts under the most stressful situations. Plus how do you act when you're under a lot of stress and make adjustments.

Know how to handle a household on your own - chores, insurance, maintenance, etc.

Most importantly, there's Biblical advice about all the above topics and
-encourage you to read the original Love and Respect" The book is based on husbands LOVE your wives and wives Respect your husbands (Eph 5:33). Need to communicate what that looks like to each of you?
-"...let not the sun go down upon your wrath:" Eph 4:16 Know a couple who agreed whenever they have a disagreement BOTH apologize before 10 p.m

 

[Dave-W]

Good advice all.
To that I would like to expand on one of tturt's points:

Learn how to communicate with your intended, especially in "dangerous" or very close personal topics. One of the biggest problems in marriage is communication.

Communication on money.
Communication on sex.
Communication on childhood abuse.
Communication on how strict or loose your parents and church were in your upbringing.
Communicate on closely held doctrines and beliefs.

Proper communication is active listening. Make sure you hear not only the words but the heart behind those words. Find the "why" behind the "what."

 

[Greenlee]

Any advice?

Well, keep it simple at first.

Give your new spouse lots d grace and do nice things out of the blue even when it isn't reciprocated. It's tricky to get used to being married and you'll have a bunch speed bumps and hard sudden turns, but if there is one piece of advice that was given to me that just made the last 16 years of marital bliss possible it is this:

My grandpa once told me to have a sense of humor about everything because that will diffuse an argument, heal your own hurt feelings, make you not take yourself too seriously and take away the pressure to perform well during coitus. He was a smart old coot.

 

[ValleyGal]

Read Dr. Gottman's book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" and when you are in a relationship, do what it says. Make sure your future partner reads it and does what it says as well.

If you notice you are interpreting your future partner's behaviours and intentions through a negative or suspicious lens, don't even consider marriage to that person. She will resent you later. A lot. And your marriage likely won't survive.

Read boundaries and make sure you have them. This is half the battle for healthy and functioning relationships. Don't make your partner responsible for you.

Make sure you develop qualities like integrity, initiative, drive, motivation, selflessness and mercy/grace. Additionally, develop spiritual fruit like patience, kindness, etc. Keep your heart and mind pure. Remember, Jesus lives in you so whatever you hear, look at, feel, know, or where you go, Jesus has to hear, look at, feel, know, or go, too...

 

[mkgal1]

This may sound trite, but I think it's key: figure out who you truly are (not based on other's expectations....but really what values you have....what you enjoy to do with your time....your limitations....and what areas you can mature and grow in, etc).

Also....know what a genuinely healthy relationship even looks like. I've been reading Leslie Vernick's books recently and she sums it up well that a healthy relationship needs 3 essentials: mutuality, reciprocity, and freedom. Three Essentials

>>>Mutuality means that both individuals contribute specific qualities essential for the care, maintenance, and repair of the relationship. They are honesty, caring, respect, responsibility, and repentance. In marriage, both individuals make efforts to grow and change for the welfare of the other and the preservation of their relationship.

Reciprocity means that both people in the relationship give and both people in the relationship receive. Power and responsibility are shared and there is not a double standard where one person gets all the goodies in the relationship while the other person sacrificially does most of the work.

Freedom means that in your marriage you are allowed to make choices, to give input, and to express your feelings without fearing you’ll be badgered, manipulated and punished. When freedom is present, we’re not afraid to be ourselves nor are we pressured to become something we’re not.

 

[PeachieKeen]

-work on discovering your passions and goals.
-learn to be the best communicator you can be- with friends, family, coworkers, etc.
-enjoy the great things about being single. Once that is gone it's gone forever.
-date! Learn what you want romantically and what you don't want.

 

[Gell]

There are a lot of things. Get yourself stable mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially. Keep up your personal hygiene. Cultivate friendships with people you respect and who set a good example for you. Since you're single, presumably you have more free time, so you can use it for helping others, volunteering, attending Bible studies. Learn to cook a few decent meals. Read books. Practice treating others with patience and compassion, both of which are necessary in a marriage.

Thanks! This is quite practical and I must admit almost all of those you mentioned is what I am doing.
Point is, single people should enjoy this period of having many free time for contributing and serving.

 

[dysert]

Be sure you're in the habit of consistently saving money.