How does everyone get over their exes/depression?

[steflou64]

I never dated much and the man I dated from church 2 months was the longest relationship I have ever had. He has told me he has no desire to get married again (divorced twice). I still find myself thinking about him, wanting to look at his two websites (he does credit repair and blogging-is atty). He is very handsome. I know I must move on but have been crying lately at home because there is no one in my life. How does everyone get over their exes? I have never had an "ex" so am completely new at this! I know I must forgive him for using me (for money) and even dating me when he knew I was marriage minded and he was not.

 

[Life2Christ]

You get over your ex by taking off the rose colored glasses with which you see them with and realize they are just as flawed as everyone else. The person left behind usually deserves better.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

You get over your ex by taking off the rose colored glasses with which you see them with and realize they are just as flawed as everyone else. The person left behind usually deserves better.

This plus forgiveness - taking those flaws to the Lord and making a decision that you are going to forgive and hand over to God any right for any emotional retribution or 'holding onto hurts' linked to the person.

Afterwards ask the Lord to heal your broken heart and to bless him.

It takes a few attempts but eventually when you recall this person there will be no more pain.

 

[dayhiker]

All good things that the above have said.

I'd say this has been a learning experience for you. So thank God for what you have learned and that he didn't take money from you for a longer period of time. So next time you will be conscious of a guy who wants you to pay more than your share of the cost when you are together. So you have knowledge to a new boundary to set when you start dating. One where you aren't paying his way.

There is a skill that take quite a while to learn and quite a bit of practice. The goal as I see it is to be open and welcoming to people you meet. But you don't commit your heart to them more than they are committed to you. It takes practice to read the other person and to not commit your heart before you know them. But you still want to open and welcoming so guys will be interested in you, so you come across as accepting, full of life and loving.

So thank God for this person and all you learned from the short relationship. Also I want to praise you for stepping out and trying something new. So many older people are afraid of new stuff. Good for you that your getting out there and living. Living involves emotions, so good and some more painful. But feeling says your alive and engaged with those you meet and talk with.

 

[blackribbon]

Looking back, was he REALLY the love of your life? Someone who treated you like the precious Child of God that you are?

I suspect that you aren't mourning him (because 2 months isn't really much of a "relationship") but rather the hopes and dreams you had for a relationship...a relationship that you never had. He just is the only face you can put on this broken dream.

Howe do you get past this? You keep reminding yourself that he wasn't your dream man and that you deserve to wait for the right man. Being alone forever is always better than tying yourself to the wrong man. Don't fall in love with someone's "potential" because at our age, they have chosen who they are going to be and are unlikely to change (I'd tell a 20 year old to wait until they had changed on their own accord). Don't settle. Pick a man that you love enough that if he has a stroke and you have to spend the rest of your life waiting on him hand and foot, you would count it a blessing to just have him in your life because he loves you that much.

 

[blackribbon]

I never dated much and the man I dated from church 2 months was the longest relationship I have ever had. He has told me he has no desire to get married again (divorced twice). I still find myself thinking about him, wanting to look at his two websites (he does credit repair and blogging-is atty). He is very handsome. I know I must move on but have been crying lately at home because there is no one in my life. How does everyone get over their exes? I have never had an "ex" so am completely new at this! I know I must forgive him for using me (for money) and even dating me when he knew I was marriage minded and he was not.

Why did you date him if you knew he was not marriage minded? Probably for the same reason he dated you...he thought you'd change your mind. Unless he forced you to give him money under false pretenses, you need to forgive yourself for making a decision like that based on your heart and not your head. We have to own our mistakes and look at things realistically (not romantically) to move forward and not repeat them.

 

[steflou64]

He contradicts himself-he will tell the sunday school class he would be open to marriage if the right woman came along (he is twice divorced). When we dated after the first time we kissed he made the comment "if we were married we would do more than kiss" LOL!! So I don't know what to think but it is over anyway.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Two months is not very long. I can say in my past experience I haven't ever gotten over my ex. I did move past it though and married a wonderful man and was married for 25 years until he died. I'm not over him either.

I think if you were to date someone new it would be easier for you to move on.