I think the most important thing is understanding your children. Keep getting to know, and accept, acknowledge and love the persons they are and the great potential they possess. This is what will give them a good sense of self. They will, to a very large extent, percieve and understand themselves and their feelings and thoughts through me.
A central principle to me is to threat everybody with equal dignity - no more, no less. This means respecting them and taking them seriously, never threat them as objects or as if they are any bit less worth just because they are young and immature. Note that threating them equally (with regards to individuality and specific needs) does not mean giving in to their every wants. Their wants are not necessarily more important than anyone elses. Just as I and everyone else must respect their integrity, they must also learn to respect my and other peoples integrity.
Another central principle to me is authenticity. This means that I don't ever want to wear masks or play roles, including the father figure. It also means not using rules and methods on my children, that's objective and impersonal ways of relating to other people. I want to be a person of flesh and blood. Sure I want my children to respect boundaries, but not rules, just personal boundaries; respecting other peoples intergity, feelings and wants. And I'm convinced this also works much better. Children don't have sufficient abstract thinking to understand concepts such as rules and the causality of "crime and punishment". They do however have excellent empathy, straight from birth, and it is through empathy I want to relate to my children.
A third principle is responsibility. As a parent I must take full over-arching responsibility, i.e. for the quality of family relations. Children can't take this until they have grown up and then they are not children anymore. But children have competences, and are capable of and willing to take some responsibilities even at a very young age. I believe in promoting this. I.e. when my kids will become around two for example they will want to feed themselves, dress themselves etc. It's important for me to allow them this, this means not putting myself in a situation where this will be moments of stress or irritation for me. I believe that children by the age of 10-11 could be capable of taking responsibility for most things in their lives; practical, social, emotional. And that this makes them free and strong individuals.
As for more specific values I wan't my children to be independent and true to themselves. I wan't them to be courageous and capable of standing up for themselves, for others and for what they believe in. I want them to be wise, reasonable, empathetic and understanding. I want them to be humble and respectful.
And I would love to play with them, I would love to read for them, I would love to communicate with them and engage and promote their fantasy, creativity and intellect. I want them to experience things for themselves, and they shall not be prejudiced or afraid of any other people.
A central principle to me is to threat everybody with equal dignity - no more, no less. This means respecting them and taking them seriously, never threat them as objects or as if they are any bit less worth just because they are young and immature. Note that threating them equally (with regards to individuality and specific needs) does not mean giving in to their every wants. Their wants are not necessarily more important than anyone elses. Just as I and everyone else must respect their integrity, they must also learn to respect my and other peoples integrity.
Another central principle to me is authenticity. This means that I don't ever want to wear masks or play roles, including the father figure. It also means not using rules and methods on my children, that's objective and impersonal ways of relating to other people. I want to be a person of flesh and blood. Sure I want my children to respect boundaries, but not rules, just personal boundaries; respecting other peoples intergity, feelings and wants. And I'm convinced this also works much better. Children don't have sufficient abstract thinking to understand concepts such as rules and the causality of "crime and punishment". They do however have excellent empathy, straight from birth, and it is through empathy I want to relate to my children.
A third principle is responsibility. As a parent I must take full over-arching responsibility, i.e. for the quality of family relations. Children can't take this until they have grown up and then they are not children anymore. But children have competences, and are capable of and willing to take some responsibilities even at a very young age. I believe in promoting this. I.e. when my kids will become around two for example they will want to feed themselves, dress themselves etc. It's important for me to allow them this, this means not putting myself in a situation where this will be moments of stress or irritation for me. I believe that children by the age of 10-11 could be capable of taking responsibility for most things in their lives; practical, social, emotional. And that this makes them free and strong individuals.
As for more specific values I wan't my children to be independent and true to themselves. I wan't them to be courageous and capable of standing up for themselves, for others and for what they believe in. I want them to be wise, reasonable, empathetic and understanding. I want them to be humble and respectful.
And I would love to play with them, I would love to read for them, I would love to communicate with them and engage and promote their fantasy, creativity and intellect. I want them to experience things for themselves, and they shall not be prejudiced or afraid of any other people.
