How do you tell your Grandma you're an Atheist?

[Eluria]

My grandma is the most narrow-minded person I know. What she says goes, and nobody can disagree with her. She is a Christian, i think she's a Lutheran or a Baptist but I'm not sure.

Anyway when she found out I was having my son, and I wasn't married to the father she was furious. She refused to talk to me until I got married, saying I was going to hell and she can't look at or talk to an "evil-doer."
We got married in September and I gave birth in March. She now talks to me but won't talk much to my husband.

I am 20 years old, have a 4 month old and am terrified to tell my grandma i am an Atheist. Should I pretend I'm not, or just suck it up and tell her?
What would you do if your child or grandchild truly was an Atheist?

 

[lucypevensie]

I'd be sad. Really really sad. It would not stop me from loving my child or anything, but yeah, it would be hard to take.

My nephew recently revealed to the family via the family website that he's an atheist. Some of us were a bit surprised, but we realize in retrospect that we really shouldn't have been, based on a lot of things he'd said and how he lived and behaved. His mom and grandma of course don't like it but they deal with it.

I think you should tell her. But how exactly, I can't tell you, except of course in a loving manner. I don't know her or how she will react but I think she deserves to know.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

LOL - I recently outed myself to my grandparents that gasp! I'm not a republican. However, my grandma is rather grace filled and patted my hand, smirked and said, "You're young yet." wink.

I wouldn't say anything unless it came down to a direct situation where it was either say "Grandma, I don't believe the things you believe." or misrepresent yourself.

 

[CelticRose]

I wouldn't say anything unless it came down to a direct situation where it was either say "Grandma, I don't believe the things you believe." or misrepresent yourself.

Same here. No point in asking for trouble. Trouble will arrive soon enough.

 

[Macx]

It doesn't sound like you can "tell" her anything. The sort of narrow-mindedness you describe has issolation as its fruit. That is her choice. Let her be as involved as she wants, but you have a family now and first and foremost they deserve your attention. I am not saying that you should be deceitful, but rather that if you tell her something like that, she'll likely rationalize it somehow that fits her paradigm rather than hear what you are actually saying. . . so what is the point?

What would you do if your child or grandchild truly was an Atheist?

I don't think I'll be happy unless she thinks through that premise. I think Christians who fail to take ideas like atheism & play with them, turn them over in their minds and examine the concept's strengths and weaknesses end up being narrow minded and utterly unable to carry the Gospel anywhere. The only thing that troubles me about the question is the truly was an . . . . it indicates taking a position and closing the mind. When the mind becomes closed, we stop learning, stop growing, stop living in a way. I don't want my daughter to ever stop growing her mind, developing ideas, thinking, getting stronger, sharper, and wise.

 

[jgonz]

I wouldn't say anything either. It's just asking for trouble at this point in time.

 

[FaithLoveHope9]

Just out of curiosity- I AM NOT judging...
Why do you post on ChristianForums if you are not a Christian?

Again, I am just curious. That is all!

 

[Macx]

My guess would be that despite some Christian's behavior she still has grace to let us in her life.

 

[TexasSky]

Understand, that to a Christian, lack of faith in Christ is not an issue of, "you have a different opinion than I have," like in politics or what music you listen to.

To a Christian, Christ is love, peace, joy, happiness, eternity with those you love, and much much more.

To a Christian, life without Christ is darkness, sorrow, eventual eternal separation from God and all that God is, including love, peace and joy.

So, in many ways, to tell a true believer that you don't believe, may be the emtional equivalent of telling them you are going to commit suicide, because, when saying, "I am atheist," to a devout Christian, you are, in their mind, saying the emotional equivalent of, "I am committing spiritual suicide."

That said, lying is never right.
Pretending is never right.

It makes you a liar and pretender, and no decent relationship is founded in dishonesty.

A gentle statement of, "I respect your beliefs, but I really don't share them," is far better than a lie.

And if you feel you are an atheist, why WOULD you lie?

 

[Sabertooth]

...

And if you feel you are an atheist, why WOULD you lie?

On the other hand, if one truly believes there is no God, why is it necessary to tell the truth? Isn't convenience just as valuable as fact in a Godless universe?

Grandma is the least of your concerns; you are going to have to tell God, Himself, one day why you refused to believe in Him and accept His peace treaty.

"For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things." Php.3:18, 19

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Rom. 5:8

"He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." 1John 5:12

If you really want to be coddled on your way to Hell, you really should seek that on an atheist board; that is not the domain of a Christian forum...

You might, as well, have asked us, "What is the most painless way to commit suicide and take others with me...?"

 

[FallenAngel3787]

Grandma is the least of your concerns; you are going to have to tell God, Himself, one day why you refused to believe in Him and accept His peace treaty.

no shes not... she doesnt believe. so to her grandma is the biggest concern.

not telling the truth will only make it much worse.

me and my wife-to-be need to drop the little bomb that is we don't want any religious stuff in our wedding.... all her family are christians and they either dont know we aren't or they just deny it. my family are ok with it all.... they aren't christians.

 

[Green Orchid]

Just wondering... Is Parenting the best place for this thread?

 

[Macx]

I like it discussed here. I probably wouldn't have seen it otherwise. I also think it is relevant, getting me to think through the "what if" of my little girl making a choice I am not "cool" with.

That said, I think

If you really want to be coddled on your way to Hell, you really should seek that on an atheist board; that is not the domain of a Christian forum...

is overharsh. I think there are a lot of peopel with other points of view who have Christians in their lives & thus a place here talking about how to stay true to themselves and "deal" with Christians.

I'd far rather that an athiest saw love and compassion when visiting us, than judgement and brimstone flavored words. There are real monsters that need to be fought, pretending that an athiest . . . . . ah, shucks. I am just glad the OP took the time to post & read here.

 

[moonkitty]

Well I am an atheist, and to be honest I don’t go around telling everyone I meet that I’m an atheist. I also have not told most of my family either. (All my grandparents are long dead so I really cannot help you there.)

As for not telling most of my family, I feel it’s not their business. If they were to ask me directly, then I would have to say “No, I do not believe….” And to be honest there are 2 or 3 of my extended family who would tried to legally get custody of my kids if they knew that I was an atheist—I’ve seen them try it with other people, they will lie and cause all sorts of trouble with Child Protection Services—so they are one of the main reasons I do not go around advertising my lack of religious beliefs. But mainly I just do not want to put up with the hassle of my extended family calling me all the time and preaching my ear off.

 

[heart of peace]

Understand, that to a Christian, lack of faith in Christ is not an issue of, "you have a different opinion than I have," like in politics or what music you listen to.

A gentle statement of, "I respect your beliefs, but I really don't share them," is far better than a lie.

I agree with both points here.

(I'm not sure if this is your maternal/paternal grandparent) Does your parent (the child of this grandparent) know you are an Atheist? If so, what is his/her response? Perhaps you could seek this parent's advice on how (or if) to approach your grandparent about this topic. I think a person who knows you both, knows your dynamic and all of that would be a far better person to seek advice on such a personal subject as this.

 

[JCFantasy23]

My grandma is the most narrow-minded person I know. What she says goes, and nobody can disagree with her. She is a Christian, i think she's a Lutheran or a Baptist but I'm not sure.

Anyway when she found out I was having my son, and I wasn't married to the father she was furious. She refused to talk to me until I got married, saying I was going to hell and she can't look at or talk to an "evil-doer."
We got married in September and I gave birth in March. She now talks to me but won't talk much to my husband.

I am 20 years old, have a 4 month old and am terrified to tell my grandma i am an Atheist. Should I pretend I'm not, or just suck it up and tell her?
What would you do if your child or grandchild truly was an Atheist?

As a Christian I would be very sad and troubled that my child or grandchild was an atheist. With your grandmother, it sounds like she is super strict and unreasonable. Why will she not speak with your husbadn for example? Even if she is angry with you...? That may be a separate issue, I do not know.

As for you and atheism, don't hide who you are. If you truly believe in something let the world know if asked. I would not volunteer it without being asked, though, as it may just start unneeded trouble. With what you have said so far, it sounds likely she'll flip. Even so Im a firm believer of being true to yourself.

 

[TexasSky]

On the other hand, if one truly believes there is no God, why is it necessary to tell the truth? Isn't convenience just as valuable as fact in a Godless universe?

Grandma is the least of your concerns; you are going to have to tell God, Himself, one day why you refused to believe in Him and accept His peace treaty.

"For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things." Php.3:18, 19

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Rom. 5:8

"He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." 1John 5:12

If you really want to be coddled on your way to Hell, you really should seek that on an atheist board; that is not the domain of a Christian forum...

You might, as well, have asked us, "What is the most painless way to commit suicide and take others with me...?"

Even non Christians usually understand that trust and honesty are the foundation of a good relationship.

 

[BeanMak]

I am with the group to keep it to yourself. You are a grown woman with a child. personal beliefs can remain personal. A polite, "I don't care to discuss this" is always a correct answer.

 

[none the wiser]

I am with the group to keep it to yourself. You are a grown woman with a child. personal beliefs can remain personal. A polite, "I don't care to discuss this" is always a correct answer.

Yup, I agree. My parents don't know I am not Christian. I've found if I just keep my mouth shut and listen to what they say about God, they assume I agree. Yeah, it's obnoxious and sometimes I get irritated, but it would break my entire family's collective heart (at least my mother's) so I think I'm doing her a favor.

I'm also doing our relationship a favor, methinks, because she'd be trying to convert me all the time. That'd be a hard and fast way for me to start avoiding contact with her doublequick.

If she ever asked me flat out if I was Christian, I would not lie. I am just...uncomfortable with flat out lies. But because of my mother's and my personalities, I believe I am doing what is right by just not discussing it.

 

[CelticRose]

Smart, little owl.