How do you take the leap?

[littlesister]

My husband and I have both realized recently that we were each leaning toward the QF way of thinking. We haven't used birth control for about 7 years anyway. It took us 4 years to have our first. He is now 3-1/2 and VERY wild, also very intelligent, but NEEDY. I'm quite sure if we "wanted to," we could get him a diagnosis of ADHD at least (which we DON'T want to do). My second child is now 2 (they are 13 mos apart), quieter, less communicative, more self-entertained and...though I try very hard not to let it be so, I feel like he gets less attention from me because I am spending so much time directing/disciplining/etc. his older brother. This, for one thing, causes me enormous guilt. Also, I feel so exhausted all of the time, and I lose my temper, especially towards my 3 year old, and I feel like I've blown it at least once if not several times daily...and yet I'm wanting another baby.

HOW?!? Can it be done? I wonder how I can even want another one when two is so difficult. Can I just get your thoughts, those of you who have bypassed two? How do you spread yourself out when you have one or more that requires more attention?

I'm struggling because I feel distinctly that God is leading us in this direction and it's so hard to go ahead and act on it, take the leap. I think I'm going a little nuts.

 

[jgonz]

Honestly, my first two were by Far harder to deal with. When the oldest ones are younger, they take ALL your time. But, as they get a little older, they begin to take a little different role in the household, and start helping with their younger siblings. It does take some organization and training the older ones, but it's worth it. Having my 8 at home right now is Easier, by Far, than back when I only had the two oldest...

HTH~

 

[littlesister]

Jgonz, thanks for the reply. I have heard before that two was the hardest, just didn't dare to believe it. As of this month, we are officially off all forms of birth control I've been away from CF for a while, happy to see this subforum on here and get some encouragement from likeminded ladies.

 

[oliveplants]

Good to see you here, littlesister!

My middle son is 3 now, and very demanding, high-energy. I say he is 100% boy and 10% bulldozer! SO I know what you mean.

I think sometimes we get funny ideas about 'bad parents' and 'good parents'. THe best parents mess up sometimes, and even the worst parents sometimes have wonderful children. It's all by the grace of God, and He gives more grace where it is needed. SO don't let fear of a mistake or temper loss stop you from having children. Let children help you fight those things. (Preaching to myself here! Olive, love your children enough to do better!)

May God guide you (and all of us).

 

[3Princessmom]

First off, I highly recommend the book "To Train Up A Child" by Michael & Debi Pearl. I'm reading it righ tnow, only about 1/2 way thorugh and their advice is very wodnerful, clear cut, and makes sense. It's so simple, they way they raised their kids, that I think most of us overlook these methods. So anyhow, get your hands on that book!

I only have 3 so far, and I can tell you going from 1 to 2 was way harder than going from 2 to 3. I do beleive there is way more chaos in the house with three, but my youngest is only 7 months right now and we have behavioral issue with my middle (and my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD, she is not on any meds though). Soooo, I've got some good reasons for chaos here. BUT, I can say it's much, much, much easier when my oldest is home from school than it is when just my youngest two are home. She is almost 7 and such a huge help! She will be homeschooled this next year, and I can't wait! If it wasn't for her I don't think I would want any more kids, but as it is I would love more!

Not really sure if I helped or made any sense here! But I have to get to my oldest right now, we're having some special time together today!