How do you save your reputation?

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

How do you save your reputation?

Before I got ill I was always a bit of a flirt, but I don't believe in premarital sex. I know though that due to the way I would talk at times some people called me a **** behind my back and so forth.

ANyway the same kind of people hang around in the same groups as people I'd like to be friends with and I always thought these people were all my friends but then i realised some of them thought I was a bit ****** and even though they actually do sleep around and I don't, it hurt my feelings.
I also told a few untruths about my life which would be kinda embarrassing to set straight with people now and would reinforce I am a liar.

The thing is, I'd like to meet up with some of these people when I am well again and see if we can't all be friends.

But how can one change what people think of them if they have the wrong idea about you?
It's just that I have a reputation for not being very funny and not being that great at conversation and I don't want to just say "Hi" to people and not have anything else to say which has happened before. I've tries asking about other things but it just comes out lame.

I just want to be able to dispel myths about me but not my saying "Hey I'm not as bad as you think!" but by just being me.

How can I change the bad thoughts people think of me?

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Sweetheart-- let these people go... who cares what they think! Suffer it as an act of humility and use it as a moivation to guard against sins of the mouth (ungodly talk, untruths, etc.) in the future. I would seriously consider the great benefit of having no friends if you are unable to find godly friends. (This does not mena that you should only associate with the godly-- but those we give our whole hearts to and that we lean on should be those who will help us get to heaven!) I think this will be especially important as you venture back out into the world- for you to find those who will build you up. If you pray-- God will send godly friends your way-- it might not be this year or the next, but if you have confidence and ask with the desire to please God- they will come!! He promises us!!!

It has taken me nearly 3 years to find the women with whom I am beginning to have deep friendships with now-- but I knew God would lead me to them when it was the right time. It has also taken effort on my part- to make the sacrifice to drive the kids to so far to school, and to really try to be as active as I can in school activities, despite being 7 months pregnant. We have to remember to pray, always, but that we must also be willing to act!!

I would seriously just let these people go-- and allow yourself the full opportunity to become the new, beautiful creation in Christ, He desires you to be. Remember, too, when you confess-- you're sins are erased and forgotten by GOd--- we must let Him forgive us and let those sins be erased by not hanging onto guilt over those sins!!!

And smile!! Jesus loves you infinitely!!

 

[Dream]

I'm probablly the last guy you'd go to in order to get advice in this area, but I'll try to give you the best advice I have.

From your previous posts, you seem to be in a state of confusion and frustration. We've all been there. I just wrote a 3 page paper saying how I was so confused, and surprisingly there were quite a few people from here that read the entire thing (it was pretty boring). Although I recieved a variety of responses, the one thing that truly worked was praying. Even though sometimes it seems as if nothing happens, God will answer your prayers. They won't always be answered in the way that expect, but they will be answered.

In regards to your particular situation, it is very hard for me to give you any specific advice. It would be easy for me to say "ditch these people," but I don't know everything thats going on in your life. I've always been told make more friends and gotten suggestions on how, but you and I both realize that it is never as simple as it's made out to be.

If you want to change your friends view of you, theres really 3 things that you can do. 1) Come out and tell them you're not like that. 2) Start acting like the person you really are and hope that your friends will eventually pick that up. 3) Keep doing what you've always done and let them think what they want. I know that's oversimplifying it, but like I said before, I don't know your exact situation so it's hard to give you direct advice.

I'm not sure what you're sick with, but I will be sure to keep you in my prayers.

I apologize if this isn't the best advice; I'm really not the right guy to be giving it. Hang in there, though. Maybe an evening of reading the Bible and reflecting on everything you've been given in life will help you, it usually works for me. Keep us updated on everything. I'm fairly new here, but I quickly learned how caring everyone is on this forum. This is really the right place to go when you need guidance.

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

Well a lot of the people I refer to are people from another forum who I have never met. I've known them for years and sometimes everyone gets together etc...and I think they're all pretty special people. There are guys and girls and some are Christians and some are not. I think it'd be reasonably safe to meet with them at a public place etc...and I have been Praying about it a lot and I guess when I hear about them all meeting up and so forth..it makes me realise that these are people I've spoken with for years and althiugh I don't know them really well I'd kinda like to.

I am happy to forget them or try rto if that is what God wants so should I pray for Divine Discernment here? I'm not well enough to meet up with them yet anyway so maybe during this time I should pray for Holy good friends and also for Divine Wisdom about this? Some of them before have messaged me and told me in private things about being Christians but they're afraid to talk about God in front of others at times.

Ideally eventually I'll be well enough to work and prolly go to youth Christian group activities and so forth but these other people have been my window to the world at a time when I didn't have anyone else. Some I don't get on the best with but some I do so I guess I will Pray hard about it all and see what happens.

Would any of you ever meet up with people from here or other forums if it were a group thing?

 

[Carrye]

Do you want to know the most difficult lesson I've ever had to learn? It wasn't chemistry or microbiology. It wasn't the metaphysics of Aristotle or ecclesiastical Latin. It was that being Carrie, being myself, is exactly what God created me for. He created me with all of my little quirks, with my personality, and with my interests. I must be most truly myself if I am to pay proper honor to God.

An extension of that is in the friends that I have, and the acquaintances that I make. If I need to convince them of anything about myself, then I am not being authentic. My task is not to convince them that I am valuable, for it is only God who can give me that. My task is to work my very hardest to build virtue, and develop a relationship with God. My task right now (without a husband and children) is to focus on doing what I can to make myself better. And in this I will be most truly myself. It is this true self who will impact others.

Be yourself. Work to be a better self. People will see that, but more importantly than that, God will know it. It is God who is our end, not individual humans. Focus on Him, and cast off (as Shannon said) all others who distract you from your End - the One God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

The thing is though I've acted like someone that isn't me in the past. I do want to meet these people but as the true me.

If they dislike me for who I am then I don't care, but i'd like to let Christ shine through me and hopefully that will eventually rub off on the people I speak of-maybe even those that have the wrong idea about me.

For some reason I can't seem to walk away from these people. I am Praying about it definitely.

 

[Dream]

The thing is though I've acted like someone that isn't me in the past. I do want to meet these people but as the true me.

If they dislike me for who I am then I don't care, but i'd like to let Christ shine through me and hopefully that will eventually rub off on the people I speak of-maybe even those that have the wrong idea about me.

For some reason I can't seem to walk away from these people. I am Praying about it definitely.

I used to act like someone I wasn't. I had some friends, but none of them were really good friends.

Now I act like who I really am, and now I'm real lonely. But I feel that my principles are more important than fake friendships.

Hang in there.

 

[DanielLionsDen]

Do you want to know the most difficult lesson I've ever had to learn? It wasn't chemistry or microbiology. It wasn't the metaphysics of Aristotle or ecclesiastical Latin. It was that being Carrie, being myself, is exactly what God created me for. He created me with all of my little quirks, with my personality, and with my interests. I must be most truly myself if I am to pay proper honor to God.

An extension of that is in the friends that I have, and the acquaintances that I make. If I need to convince them of anything about myself, then I am not being authentic. My task is not to convince them that I am valuable, for it is only God who can give me that. My task is to work my very hardest to build virtue, and develop a relationship with God. My task right now (without a husband and children) is to focus on doing what I can to make myself better. And in this I will be most truly myself. It is this true self who will impact others.

Be yourself. Work to be a better self. People will see that, but more importantly than that, God will know it. It is God who is our end, not individual humans. Focus on Him, and cast off (as Shannon said) all others who distract you from your End - the One God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Hey Carrie, I would just like to say thanks for that great post! For some reason it really meant a lot to me, I mean I could really relate to it. It was one of those "life becomes a bit clearer" moments!

Thank you and God bless,

Daniel

 

[Carrye]

I'm glad, Daniel. We never know when God may use our meagre words to impact others. May God bless you, brother.

 

[DanielLionsDen]

I'm glad, Daniel. We never know when God may use our meagre words to impact others. May God bless you, brother.

Thank you Carrie and God bless you. Your words are certainly not meagre in my eyes! Daniel

 

[Caedmon]

The best thing to do is to just forget about what they say. I know that it's hard, believe me, I know that it is. You want to be liked and accepted. I know how you feel. The only thing you can really do is just live the best you can right now, because the only thing that will change most people's minds is long-term proof through the way you live your life, if even that. I'm pretty... strike that... extremely weird, from the music I listen to, to the literature I read, to the interests I have, etc. I am by no means perfect; I have made many mistakes. And I have been misinterpreted and ridiculed, both behind my back and openly, countless, countless times. I've been called some pretty nasty names, names that hurt. But I can't really do anything about it. I can't stop people from talking about me, and I can't change other people's minds. So the thing I've come to realize is that the only thing I can do is be me, and to be the best person I can be.

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

I've been offered a job on the forum I speak of. It's something that would be an incredible opportunity for me but it would mean working with different people some I get along with, others who I guess see me as a liar because I wasn't myself before acting different to who I am.

It would mean moving out by myself and I don't really know anyone there it would be within the next 6 months but I mean, I don't know I am between moving somewhere else and moving there so I don't know what to do. I feel it would be a great opportunity and so forth but I am a Christian and I know others are too that would be living where I would have to move to but some are married and some are single but they sleep around I think and some aren't Christian and they sleep around and I'd like to be friends with them and work with them too but I don't know how I can help influence them to not be so immoral. I am not saying I am that great at being a Christian but I weep for others my age that have so little regard for themselves and have so little morals.

I Love people and I feel they are hurting themselves with their easy come easy go sex lives and I just want to make a difference.

Myself I have no big problems abstaining from sex as I never really met anyone that great that I'd even want to do it with but most young guys these days even if they are Christians wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone if they never slept with them. I mean there are great people out there that are having sex out of wedlock but I don't want that and these days it's hard to say that without people assuming you are frigid etc.

I wouldn't have sex with a guy no matter how much pressure he puts on me but how can I ensure I don't fall for the wrong kind of guy in that respect? I am fine if he has had sex before but will wait for me but how do I stop myself from liking someone who sleeps around or has in the past? I don't want to get my heart broken I am currently dealing with a similar kind of heartbreak.

I just want to be happy being alone. Men let you down I am better off solo I just can't stop feeling lonely or like I want a life partner and I don't want to be unhappy.

The thing is I've been ill and at home it's been easy for me to avoid such tricky relationships if I am able to move house and work with these guys then what if I find I get feelings for one of them? I know how they live and that would be really sad for me because they may not want to wait for me then work would be difficult. Still, this is the kind of job I can only dream about I've asked God lately to show me to the right Holy job for me and then this comes up. How can I know what is from God and how can I just be happy being alone?

Thanks for whatever advice or prayers you can give me to say. I just want to be a good person. Also, I have zilch experience at talking to people how can I get over that? What do I say? I am not funny unfortunately. So many questions and I was in the middle of moving house to a place and now this happens.

 

[karla]

When I read your post one quote came to mind which really stuck with me when I first read it. I'm not sure who it came from but here it is :

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you are while your reputations is merely what others think you are."

I guess it boils down to don't worry what others think (I know that is hard) because no matter what you do someone somewhere is going to have somethink to say about it. You know who you really are, your true friends know how you are, and most importantly God knows how you are. Be yourself and let others think what they will - the true people in your life will stand by you and your beliefs.

God Bless you.

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

Thanks. I am just bewildered about what to do with the job and all. God Bless..

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

Anyone know how I can make the right decision with this? Should I just keep Praying about it?

And is Adoration staring at the red light in Church? Can I do that even if they don't have the host exposed or anything and what do I focus on exactly?

 

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

bump.

 

[Carrye]

And is Adoration staring at the red light in Church? Can I do that even if they don't have the host exposed or anything and what do I focus on exactly?

Adoration isn't about the red light, but Who is near the red light in the tabernacle. Focus on Him. Talk to Him. I promise you, it'll be the best time you spend all day.

There's always a song that comes to mind when I go to Adoration: "Hold on to Jesus. Tell Him about everything. Your dreams and your troubles. Your pure heart's desire. Everything."

 

[Xpycoctomos]

WHat does "bump" mean? I see people do this now and then. Is this jsut a way to pull (bump) the thread back up to the top?

John

 

[Carrye]

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you are while your reputations is merely what others think you are."

And that quote reminded me of another one:

Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us. - Thomas Paine