How do you regain equilibrium?!

[Prisca982]

Looking for advice ... We have three children and right now we are floundering. I've posted in the married couples board about how our marriage is hard but right now everything is hard. It feels as though life has been relentless since we got married eleven years ago. Nothing awful like cancer but just continuous low-level pressure.

Dh and I both sleep badly, and this makes it very difficult to be patient with our children, particularly our oldest son who can be very demanding and hard work. Lately I feel like we never have fun as a family, we seem to s spend all our time just trying to control our two boys (age 7 and 5), and meeting the basic needs of our ten month old. We have tried playing board games or other games but it just ends up with the boys arguing and us getting annoyed with them.

I hate our family dynamic at the moment but can't see a way to regain our equilibrium. Our kids aren't getting enough sleep despite my best efforts at early bed times and wind downs. I feel like we need help but don't know what to ask for. I really struggle with anger, I'm in a bad habit of losing my temper with the children and I see them becoming aggressive but when I'm this tired I find self control impossible and I'm struggling to pray. I have seen some improvement thank God, but I still am far from the kind mother I want to be.

Any advice?

 

[Dave-W]

A lack of sleep certainly can lead to a host of problems including short tempers and frustration.

I would talk to a doctor about this. I would also suggest taking a tablet of melatonin an hour before bed time. It has worked wonders on my oldest grandaughter in regards to her being able to fall asleep and stay asleep. (which has helped her attitude immensely)

But talk to your doctor first.

 

[JAM2b]

Lack of adequate sleep can cause all kinds of problems all by itself. If you have other stresses, then I can imagine that it is tough. Sleep is something we all struggle with in my home. There are some good guidelines for helping children get better sleep that we have been following that has really helped. It is not instant though, it is a process. You can download it in a PDF.

www.seattlechildrens.org/pdf/PE1066.pdf

 

[LabradorianSavedbyGrace]

There are a variety of things you can try, including improving on sleep for everyone. Wind-down times should consist of turning down lights and quiet activities about an hour before bed, you can use something like melatonin or chamomile tea to help get a routine in place but I would talk to a doctor first. You can use things like sticker charts, personal stories, a reward system to set up "house rules", and changing how you talk to your children (things like telling them what you want them to do instead of "no" or "don't do that"). Also you and hubby really need to take time for yourselves and do some self-care, if you crash than the whole family is in trouble. Maybe you can have a family member take the kids for a night or a weekend to have that time together? Even an evening out where you can relax would be beneficial. Or you take turns getting a rest, my oldest is an early riser so sometimes I get up and then after an hour my hubby gets up so I can lie back down, this system really helped us when my youngest was a baby.