I get cursed around a lot. I can handle it, but it catches me off guard a sometimes. Especially in my work environment, i work with a bunch of pirates (figuartively). Being cursed at is not what i'm used to. Today, i had someone curse at me because she was frustrated that i couldn't follow her instructions very well since i didn't know what she was saying. I felt bad, but bc of the language barrier and her lack of specificity, I wasn't able to fastly figure out what she wanted. She sounded obviously stressed and harried. She is close to me (my mother's cousin) and i recently just moved on top of her pizza shop where i have to work part time for board, so that's even more shocking that she would turn on a hostile face when a stressful situation occured. I can expect more episodes of this in the future since i'm now discovering that's her personality. How do I handle this? I feel like talking to her cooly won't work. I'm afraid that this type of behavior might leave me on the edge a little bit and make me more prone to mistakes in the future. Losing my composure. Should I just say a little mantra in my head like "she doesn't mean it" everytime it happens?
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
How do you react when someone curses at you?
- Thread starter Gista
- Start date
- Jul 23, 2007
- 56,363
- 11,085
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Atheist
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Others
Upvote
0
- Jul 23, 2007
- 56,363
- 11,085
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Atheist
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Others
I'm serious and sure Er is too.
Plus I'm an atheist so cursing at someone who is being rude doesn't really bother me.
Upvote
0
Oddish
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD.
I have never really experienced someone outside of my family swearing at me but if that did happen I would tell them to calm down and chill out. Then I would tell them that they should show me more respect and that I won't take that sort of abuse.
Upvote
0
M
Marycita
Guest
I hope and pray they were kidding...they better have been
As much as it can bother you and sting, just let it go. Respond with love in your words and behavior. And pray...always pray. Pray for her, pray for you.
I'll be praying for you too. I know it's hard to know how to respond when this kind of thing happens. My brother frequently curses at me...and actually recently he said the most vulgar and hurtful thing I've ever heard him say...and he started it off with "I love you Mary, but...." The only thing I said in response was "I love you too" despite how much I wanted to respond otherwise. Then I forgave him and prayed for him and for my interactions with him. A few days ago, he texted me to apologize - he said he knew he had been a jerk lately. So, yes, keep in prayer over it and God will wow you with what He does in hearts about it
Upvote
0
A
AllForJesus
Guest
I rarely got cursed at but when it did happen I giggled.
I happened a couple of time when i was driving. And if you do not know what driving is in Lebanon, you missed a lot in this crazy world
I happened a couple of time when i was driving. And if you do not know what driving is in Lebanon, you missed a lot in this crazy world
Upvote
0
Obzocky
Senior Contributor
Honestly? I ignore it, strongly suggest that if they want the best out of me they should have the common decency to avoid being so common or I stoop and tell them to swivel. Just swivel. That's the word. Swivel. I find it helps keep my tongue from saying things i'd otherwise regret.
I have no real advice though, the relationship dynamics determine how you should respond. Some people react well to the general to and fro of individuals cursing at each other, others need to have the boundaries laid out and yet more just require you to take the word for what it is; an expression of frustration. As such an expression it is not the fact you're being cursed that is the issue, but the fact she's unleashing her frustration with her inability to get across what she wants you to do/your inability to understand what she wants you to do. I would say you should, if it's going to influence your performance, tell her. Just tell her. It'll most likely lessen as you improve anyhoot.
I have no real advice though, the relationship dynamics determine how you should respond. Some people react well to the general to and fro of individuals cursing at each other, others need to have the boundaries laid out and yet more just require you to take the word for what it is; an expression of frustration. As such an expression it is not the fact you're being cursed that is the issue, but the fact she's unleashing her frustration with her inability to get across what she wants you to do/your inability to understand what she wants you to do. I would say you should, if it's going to influence your performance, tell her. Just tell her. It'll most likely lessen as you improve anyhoot.
Last edited:
Upvote
0
SnowyMacie
Well-Known Member
- Apr 12, 2011
- 17,008
- 6,087
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Anglican
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
I usually just ignore it. I've haven't been cussed at nearly as much as I've just heard random swearing. The other kids at my high school were so "foul-mouthed" that hearing swear words has little too no effect on me anymore. I would just pray for her, I don't think she means it, because it sounds like she just gets easily irritated when she's stressed (fairly common) and just hold out. That's really all it sounds like you can do in this situation is just pray and then just hold out for as you can. The worst thing to do is snap back in any form or fashion.
Upvote
0
Inkachu
Bursting with fruit flavor!
- Jan 31, 2008
- 35,357
- 4,220
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
I'd wait for a calm moment (not in the midst of one of these stressful situations), then take her alone and say that her cursing really hurts/upsets/bothers you. After that, it's up to her if she's going to respect you or continue to disrespect you. If it were me, and she kept cursing at me, I'd ignore her and act like I don't hear anything she says. I don't think there's any simple, easy solution to this, and I'm sorry that you have to put up with it.
Upvote
0
linssue55
Senior Veteran
- Jul 31, 2005
- 3,380
- 125
- 76
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Republican
Take this person in PRIVATE and have a chat. Stay calm and tell the reasons you don't like it. Many things can be solved by proper, calm communication. Be the EXAMPLE of what you would want this and all people to be.
Upvote
0
Apollo Celestio
Deal with it.
- Jul 11, 2007
- 20,734
- 1,429
- 38
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian Seeker
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Green
Like what exactly did she say? Is she just a mean old lady or was it a random swear word? If it's the former and it bothers you.. avoid avoid avoid. If it's the latter.. get used to it. I don't swear at people (well, people who are not friends/workmates) but I do swear sometimes and I do it unashamedly.
Upvote
0
My family curses a lot just in regular conversation. I usually make jokes about them needing soap for their mouths. lol
When I used to get cursed at, I would usually try to ignore it. I sometimes would curse back but am not proud of doing so.
Most people know I don't like it and apologize when they curse in a conversation with me and try to watch what they say.
When I used to get cursed at, I would usually try to ignore it. I sometimes would curse back but am not proud of doing so.
Most people know I don't like it and apologize when they curse in a conversation with me and try to watch what they say.
Upvote
0
people cursing around me... honestly it doesn't register as much now as it used to. I don't like it, but everyone does it so the only thing to be done is let it slide. Cursing at me.... I ignore it. cursing or fighting back will only make the situation worse. but usually thats random people/customers i see once and never again and they're just looking for someone to share their misery.
When its someone I see every day then it becomes messier. Sometimes doing the smart thing and walking away without letting things escalate isn't quite that easy.
Since your life and livelihood is pretty intertwined with hers though... I'd say wait for a moment when she's in a really good mood and ask to speak with her about this. Be careful how you phrase things though. Don't say things like, "you always curse at me when...." or "you never treat me right" or "your personality sucks." or anything else that will put her on the defensive. Say something like "we had an incident last week when I ____ and the way you reacted made me feel ____. Is there a way we can work on this together to avoid this in the future?" although maybe not quite as choppy as that sentence sounds in my head. You just want to make it clear there is a problem and make it clear that you understand you may have a role to play in making things better and that you want to work with her to avoid future misunderstandings so that there can be peace.
When its someone I see every day then it becomes messier. Sometimes doing the smart thing and walking away without letting things escalate isn't quite that easy.
Since your life and livelihood is pretty intertwined with hers though... I'd say wait for a moment when she's in a really good mood and ask to speak with her about this. Be careful how you phrase things though. Don't say things like, "you always curse at me when...." or "you never treat me right" or "your personality sucks." or anything else that will put her on the defensive. Say something like "we had an incident last week when I ____ and the way you reacted made me feel ____. Is there a way we can work on this together to avoid this in the future?" although maybe not quite as choppy as that sentence sounds in my head. You just want to make it clear there is a problem and make it clear that you understand you may have a role to play in making things better and that you want to work with her to avoid future misunderstandings so that there can be peace.
Upvote
0
GodsChild77
Regular Member
I would say, first of all, never respond back to someone who is angry by also acting out in anger... that will only escalate the problem and encourage more bad behavior from them. They'll be thinking why should they stop if you're doing it too?
If it was someone who you only saw once a week or not so often, I would let it slide and ignore it. But because this is someone that you likely see on a daily basis, that's not going to be healthy for you to be around without you establishing some kinds of boundaries. I would start out by making calm (not getting pulled into the tornado), level-headed statements to show where you stand/to keep the focus on the job at hand such as: "I didn't realize you wanted me to cover this table." or "I had to clean off that table before I could seat them." Some people will be calmed down by being around someone who keeps their cool.
Ask questions before you walk away. If you don't feel that what they've told you is specific enough, don't be afraid to ask for them to clarify or to repeat back "Okay, so you want for me to do *this* then *that*, right?" "Do you want for me to do this now or wait until I've finished ____?" "The table nearest the door?" "Could you please repeat that? I want to make sure I understand correctly."
Show kindness to them. This kind of difference between the two of you is enough to make a lot of people realize "Wow, I'm a jerk." It also gives them no excuse to continue the behavior.
If none of those have worked, you're going to need to talk in private. Rule of thumb: Use "I" statements as much as possible. This way you can get your point across, show where YOU stand, and they won't feel threatened or attacked. Try to bring everything back to the way YOU feel, how it's effecting YOUR performance. "I want for us to work well together." "I want to make sure I understand what you're asking for me to do, but it's distracting when I'm being cursed at." "I don't appreciate being cursed at and it's affecting my performance on the job." "It's hard for me to hear what you're saying when you are cursing at me. That's not how I communicate." Just make it clear that that behavior is unacceptable to you, in the most level-headed way possible.
Anything more than that is out of your control. You can't control how she is going to treat others or handle situations. That's her responsibility, not yours. Some people just refuse to compromise and get along with others, be aware of that and know that it doesn't have anything to do with you. What helps me more than anything else is telling myself "This is coming out of her so it reflects on who SHE is, not me." It doesn't matter if she's attacking you or talking down to you... what comes OUT of HER has to do with HER, not you. You are responsible for what comes out of you, that's all.
No matter what... pray for her. It's harder to stay angry at someone when you're bringing them to God to handle.
If it was someone who you only saw once a week or not so often, I would let it slide and ignore it. But because this is someone that you likely see on a daily basis, that's not going to be healthy for you to be around without you establishing some kinds of boundaries. I would start out by making calm (not getting pulled into the tornado), level-headed statements to show where you stand/to keep the focus on the job at hand such as: "I didn't realize you wanted me to cover this table." or "I had to clean off that table before I could seat them." Some people will be calmed down by being around someone who keeps their cool.
Ask questions before you walk away. If you don't feel that what they've told you is specific enough, don't be afraid to ask for them to clarify or to repeat back "Okay, so you want for me to do *this* then *that*, right?" "Do you want for me to do this now or wait until I've finished ____?" "The table nearest the door?" "Could you please repeat that? I want to make sure I understand correctly."
Show kindness to them. This kind of difference between the two of you is enough to make a lot of people realize "Wow, I'm a jerk." It also gives them no excuse to continue the behavior.
If none of those have worked, you're going to need to talk in private. Rule of thumb: Use "I" statements as much as possible. This way you can get your point across, show where YOU stand, and they won't feel threatened or attacked. Try to bring everything back to the way YOU feel, how it's effecting YOUR performance. "I want for us to work well together." "I want to make sure I understand what you're asking for me to do, but it's distracting when I'm being cursed at." "I don't appreciate being cursed at and it's affecting my performance on the job." "It's hard for me to hear what you're saying when you are cursing at me. That's not how I communicate." Just make it clear that that behavior is unacceptable to you, in the most level-headed way possible.
Anything more than that is out of your control. You can't control how she is going to treat others or handle situations. That's her responsibility, not yours. Some people just refuse to compromise and get along with others, be aware of that and know that it doesn't have anything to do with you. What helps me more than anything else is telling myself "This is coming out of her so it reflects on who SHE is, not me." It doesn't matter if she's attacking you or talking down to you... what comes OUT of HER has to do with HER, not you. You are responsible for what comes out of you, that's all.
No matter what... pray for her. It's harder to stay angry at someone when you're bringing them to God to handle.
Last edited:
Upvote
0
r035198x
Junior Member
Thankfully this doesn't happen to me a lot. My workmates actually apologise when they inadvertently slip a 'bad' word in my presence.
One thing that helps is to make it obvious to people that you are not into that kind of language, hopefully not by telling them, but talking and acting in a manner that makes everyone reciprocate in a 'decent' manner. They will also be careful with the types of jokes/emails they share with you.
If this is her personality and you really like for her to change then pray for her as well. Also, don't expect her to treat you differently at work because you are related.
P.S also praying for your relationship with her.
One thing that helps is to make it obvious to people that you are not into that kind of language, hopefully not by telling them, but talking and acting in a manner that makes everyone reciprocate in a 'decent' manner. They will also be careful with the types of jokes/emails they share with you.
If this is her personality and you really like for her to change then pray for her as well. Also, don't expect her to treat you differently at work because you are related.
P.S also praying for your relationship with her.
Upvote
0
white dove
(she's a) maniac
If I were being cursed at on-the-job, if we were at the same levels on the totem pole, I would probably find a reasonable way of interacting with them to get to the root of the problem. If he or she were just being a douche, I might ignore it and make some comment how unhappy some people are in their lives that they have to blah blah blah blah... That's most often my response if someone is just trying to get my goat. If he or she were my boss, I've said in the past "Wow. What did you just say?" There really isn't much to say when it's your boss who curses in front of you. If you need to talk it out with HR, then I would advise that. I wouldn't, however, advise jumping over their head to talk about them though. If he or she were a subordinate, you better believe I'd be talking to them one-on-one about it and possibly submitting a disciplinary action form.
Honestly, I don't view cursing as a sin and there is a time and a place for an appropriately-timed eff bomb and such but when someone is using a curse word just to be a jerk or even "hard", I ignore the jerk. If they're cursing to add more emphasis to how difficult something is, how stressed they are, etc. I try to talk them through it a bit. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear (and that ear might have to deal with curse words. It happens).
Honestly, I don't view cursing as a sin and there is a time and a place for an appropriately-timed eff bomb and such but when someone is using a curse word just to be a jerk or even "hard", I ignore the jerk. If they're cursing to add more emphasis to how difficult something is, how stressed they are, etc. I try to talk them through it a bit. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear (and that ear might have to deal with curse words. It happens).
Upvote
0
Similar threads
