How do you know?

[PassionateOne]

How do you know if God has brought that "one" person into your life?

My 5 year marriage ended (3 years ago) and I was DEVASTATED!!! It's taken me until last year to get 'over it'. I started dating guy after guy and there's has been 2 guys that I was 'excited' about, but for some reason God has made them 'disappear'.
I keep hoping to meet a great guy at church, but most of the guys I'd be interested in are already married. I keep praying that He will send who He intends me to be with.....but, no luck.

Am I just fooling myself? Has God sent him and I wasn't 'ready'? Do you know that the person is the one God intends you to be with? And how do you know?

Everything, in my life, has been amazing in the last 3 years....God has been so good to me (career, health, relocation).....but this is the 'one thing' I'm having trouble with?

 

[~HopeFloats~]

I do not think you are fooling yourself, I have been divorced for about 7 years and the years after a split are years of discovery. I say embrace your singleness and when it happens, you will know.

I get how it sucks to be single, but don't think you are fooling yourself by actively looking for someone.

As for knowing that the one is the one, I think there are a few "ones"

 

[PassionateOne]

Well, it's funny......right after my divorce, I was DONE with men and didn't want to date OR wanted another man in my life. I felt that way for 2 years. Then, I healed and my heart 'softened' and I decided to try again. So, I've kinda' been looking and kinda' waiting for someone to come my way. But, I do have to admit that I am tired of being single. *sigh*
I figured, when I was ready, someone would come along.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

In my case I know that there were lots of things that I ignored with my ex. If I hadn't, and if I was living as a Christian I never would've dated and certainly would not have married him.

So, I've learned a bit and I'm trying to make good decisions about who I date. So far, I really believe that God has protected me from some shady people claiming to be Christians. But, I also had my heart broken terribly last year by a man I was sure God meant to be my husband.

How do you know? Hopefully you will have peace with the relationship. You don't have to make excuses. He will be a Christian and he will want the relationship as much as you do. That will be a big sign.

 

[Jenster]

How do you know? Hopefully you will have peace with the relationship. You don't have to make excuses. He will be a Christian and he will want the relationship as much as you do. That will be a big sign.

I agree. This is what I'm looking for. A feeling that it is right in many dimensions: spiritually, intelligence level, matching sense of humor, commitment, etc. I think peace comes with the right person.

 

[Tumbleweed64]

I agree. This is what I'm looking for. A feeling that it is right in many dimensions: spiritually, intelligence level, matching sense of humor, commitment, etc. I think peace comes with the right person.

I agree as well!

 

[OhhJim]

I don't think there is a "one". I think that God can bless any marriage. I think the desire to love and serve and meet each other's needs is more important than finding "the one". There's no Biblical teaching that supports the idea that there is a "one".

 

[Gregged]

I do believe that there is a "one" if we do that hard thing and wait on God. For me, I know my heart's desires in terms of ministry and serving God in my life, and for me to marry someone who does not have those same hopes / goals etc would be a disaster! For me, those "God" things in common is more important than just the loving, serving, meeting each other's needs.... to meet God's needs!

I suppose it's what you really want out of life and what you hope/expect marriage to bring.

I have dated someone but I did have doubts because we didn't have those same hopes. We would have been pulling in different directions. And some of those other things mentioned weren't there... But we did have great times...

Also important to be and be able to be yourself - and to know that the other person is being themselves too.

 

[covenantwmn]

I too believe there is "the one", and it's all in God's timing. I've been divorced many, many years, but refuse to settle. When the Lord brings us together, if He does, i'll know it and be ready. Until then, I must trust in His timing, no matter how long. I really wasn't ready until recently anyhow, now I feel like I am.

 

[OhhJim]

For me, I know my heart's desires in terms of ministry and serving God in my life, and for me to marry someone who does not have those same hopes / goals etc would be a disaster!

How about if you choose among several women who all have the same hopes/goals, etc. as you? You're not suggesting that only one woman out of 3 billion has the same hopes and goals as you, are you?

Obviously it would be wise to choose someone with similar hopes and goals.

 

[Gregged]

How about if you choose among several women who all have the same hopes/goals, etc. as you? You're not suggesting that only one woman out of 3 billion has the same hopes and goals as you, are you?

Obviously it would be wise to choose someone with similar hopes and goals.

I do actually believe that out of the 3 billion, there is one who is God's best choice / match... for me... and wherever she is! And yes, in His timing! I'm not asking everyone to believe it, but I do

 

[OhhJim]

I do actually believe that out of the 3 billion, there is one who is God's best choice / match... for me... and wherever she is! And yes, in His timing! I'm not asking everyone to believe it, but I do

I wasn't questioning that, so much as I was addressing your seeming conclusion that if you don't marry "the one", you would be marrying someone who doesn't share your hopes and goals. The one does not preclude the other.

 

[PassionateOne]

Funny....I haven't been on this site for a few days and I was pleased to see all the responses.

Well, I'm also not sure if there is 'one' person per individual. I kind of meant it 'figuritively'.

For example, I know my ex was 'meant' for me (at that moment in time) because I was meant to be blessed with my daughter. And, I'm pretty sure, that was 'his purpose' in my life.

For the last few years, I really didn't want a man, in my life....so noone really showed up. But this past year......I feel better and am dating, but getting frustrated, at the same time, because noone that is suited for me is showing up. There have been a few guys really interested in pursuing something with me, but they just weren't my type. (sigh )

And (right now) I'm not dating anyone and just 'living my life' and I've heard it said (usually when nothing is happening in your life that's when God is at work the hardest).

And I was a little worried that maybe God 'presented' the guy to me (who I was interested in) and I rejected it. But, I would think that I would (instinctively) have that 'warm, knowing' feeling if that guy was who God wanted me to be with. Like, you just have a 'sense' that this person is for me.

Thanks, for the responses......it really helps me sort 'things' out.

 

[renewhope]

...

 

[bvwsmaker]

Here's the bottom line question as I see it.

Do you believe that God is good in every area? Or do you believe that He's holding out on you in this one particular area?

I think trusting in God's goodness is one of the hardest things for us to do. I've certainly struggled with it for many years now (and continue to). And I can utter the words "God is good!" to anyone but when I look at my actions or my words, they tend to tell me the opposite - that I really think God IS holding out on me!

So is God good? Can you trust Him to bring you to a future relationship in His timing? (Of course, in your case that timing may have happened since you originally posted!) Or it might still yet be in the future?

Let me share a lyric I wrote that God gave me (though this one is mostly a bible passage song [Ps 37:4,5 & Ps. 34:8).

Delight, Delight

Delight, delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart
Commit, commit yourself to the Lord
Trust also in Him and He will do it

O taste and see
that the Lord is good
How blessed is the man
who takes refuge in Him

Delight, delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart
Commit, commit yourself to the Lord
Trust also in Him and He will do it

O taste and see
that the Lord is good
How blessed is the man
who takes refuge in Him
O taste and see
that the Lord is good
How blessed is the man
who takes refuge in Him

(Now I'll have to write that one in my lyrics thread as well.)

 

[OhhJim]

Do you believe that God is good in every area? Or do you believe that He's holding out on you in this one particular area?

I believe that God knows tht sometimes it's good to stand back and let His children adventure out on their own, without Him holding their hand and guiding every step. It's the "Free Will" thing: Some Christians hate having free will, some enjoy it. But I don't see why God would have created man unless He wanted us to make some decisions on our own.

 

[PassionateOne]

"Free will" throws me off, every time!

 

[jcj3803]

Interesting question, although if you look anything like your character, you should have guys falling all over you!

I agree that peace of mind is probably the best "sign". I was crazy infatuated with a "perfect woman" a few years back and I was in constant turmoil. Had I married her, I would have been in DEEP doo right now - her son has big time psych problems and she has some pretty big financial problems. I pray for her, but I also thank God that I broke it off when I did.

I think it's important to remember though that there will still be rough patches and doubts and temptations that pop up from time to time, even in a great relationship.

As far as God's timing goes, I found that when I turned everything over to Him and "gave up", things started happening. When do you run into somebody you want to impress? When you haven't shaved for three days and have your scrubbiest sweats on.

Do be careful what you pray for though - God's shown me He has a sense of humor...

 

[PassionateOne]

As far as God's timing goes, I found that when I turned everything over to Him and "gave up", things started happening. When do you run into somebody you want to impress? When you haven't shaved for three days and have your scrubbiest sweats on.

Do be careful what you pray for though - God's shown me He has a sense of humor...

First, to the last comment!! Isn't that just the way it always goes?!

Yes, I am still learning and trying REALLY hard to "Let go and let God"......I find myself, constantly reminding myself......because I haven't been making the best choices, myself. Lately, my life (and my choices) has been making more sense, though. ( winks at CC)

 

[jcj3803]

"Yes, I am still learning and trying REALLY hard to "Let go and let God"......"

I'm in PDA mode so I don't have spiffy quotes...

Anyway, you are certainly not alone with that struggle. I struggle with it a lot even after God has shown me over and over again that HE is in control.
There's that part of me that just has to have Plan B ready.

I had an interesting experience tonight. I've been debating changing churches but letting it slide. Well, tonight at the church I've been seriously considering, the first hymn was my favorite hymn, there was a note in the bulletin that I had given up on seeing, and the pastor to whom I've never been formally introduced shook my hand and called me by name. Coincidence? Selective cognition? Or another case of "Lord, I'll do nothing until you show me what to do"?

Now if the hot chick that directs the choir would just wink at me...