How do you know? (regarding victims of an abusive relationship)

[girlintact]

How do you know if you're over the situation? I mean, if you were a victim of an abusive relationship, you get therapy & everything. will you actually be over it? somehow will things be alright? how do you know if things are alright though? does what i'm asking make sense? does therapy helps if you were a victim? what do they do in therapy?

 

[freyajem]

Therapy is very helpful especially if you find a good therapist who mostly listens and just will point you in a direction that will help you most. You know if it is working when you find yourself thinking less about the abuse and more about how you want your life to be. You know it is over when you only think about it if you need to figure something out. It is possible to place the abuse in a part of your mind where you don't have to think about it. Then you can move on with your life. This is just how it worked for me. Each person is individual.

 

[qpmomma]

Honestly,things will get better, but you may never be rid of it. It affects you. You can find your strength in God and grow from it. You can get to a place where you forgive the person who abused you, but I don't think you ever get completley over it.

Christina

 

[stephwalker1971]

That is a good question.
I was in a very abusive marriage...and I actually didn't realize I was over it until I got into the relationship with my current husband.
I still have thoughts of the past abuse, but it no longer controls my life like it did...so I must be on the right path!
Praying for you!

 

[s_gunter]

It's been my experience that you never really get over it. No one returns to their old self after suffering abuse. It changes a person.

 

[qpmomma]

It's been my experience that you never really get over it. No one returns to their old self after suffering abuse. It changes a person.

Unfortunatly, I fully agree.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

How do you know if you're over the situation? I mean, if you were a victim of an abusive relationship, you get therapy & everything. will you actually be over it? somehow will things be alright? how do you know if things are alright though? does what i'm asking make sense? does therapy helps if you were a victim? what do they do in therapy?

Therapy does help a lot but healing takes time. There are different types of therapy so do some research to see what kind(s) might work for you. I tried therapy a few years ago without doing any research first and I did not like it at all because all my therapist wanted to do was talk about all the bad things that had EVER happened to me. Having to think about all that stuff again just made me more depressed. I eventually stopped going. I didn't give it another try until last year after I learned about the different types of therapies in a psychology class. Now I enjoy therapy and have seen a lot of progress. On my first appointment with my new therapist, I gave her a list of goals that I wanted to work on and told her what I expected to accomplish in therapy.

I think forgiveness is an important milestone in recovery because once you're not angry anymore, you start to forget and move on. Forgiveness for something like abuse definitely does not happen over night, though. It took me a long time to really forgive my ex.... and I am only now at the point where I don't get reminded of him and all the crappy things he did to me all the time. I honestly do not think I will ever be the same, but I learned a lot from that whole experience and I am more careful now .... I don't see that as a bad thing.

 

[Xerraire]

I also think it follows us.

Time heals, developing right relationships with God and with others helps.

Trust soon returns.
Well, or at least I am hoping so ...

 

[s_gunter]

I also think it follows us.

Time heals, developing right relationships with God and with others helps.

Trust soon returns.
Well, or at least I am hoping so ...

With time and patience, trust will return, if a person allows it to happen. It is a decision a person has to make though. A person can go throughout life determined to never trust anyone again. Remembering that the person that you are wanting to trust isn't the person that abused you helps a lot.

That said, I will never trust the persons that abused me ever again. Forgive them, yes, but trust them....? I'm always have my wall up whenever I or my children are around them.