How do you handle public

[Katydid]

My 3 yr. old has Asperger's. Our main challenge is when we go grocery shopping, church, etc. Anything away from home and our routine. How do you handle breakdowns in public? We try to remove him from the situation, we try to calm him down, but he has what I can only describe as anxiety attacks. Hyperventilating etc. Because of his age they will not prescribe him anything right now (the doctor's don't know much about dealing with AS). Any suggestions are welcome.

 

[Lutherrunner]

try not to bombard him....prepare him ahead of time by telling him what you are going to do....visit the church at other times during the day and week for short little periods to get him used to it gradually.....you might only get him to be able to go to short segments of the service at first and gradually add time......even neurotypical 3 year olds can get pretty squirmy in church.....do they have a children's church? Sunday School?......remember...prepare him ahead of time and choose your battles...it's a long, gradual process...when they get older, it becomes easier....

 

[Katydid]

They have a children's church, but he won't go. Last time we sent him in there, we ended up having to run back because he was in the middle of the room screaming and the poor girls were confused as to what to do. We try to prepare him as much as possible. Work him up for things, but as soon as we get into the van he will think of anything to get us back home. He will cry about a stuffed animal or just cry "my new house"(we moved a couple months ago, and I had to work him up to that by getting him excited about his "new house".) He hates leaving the house. So basically, it starts the second we leave and doesn't stop until we pull into the driveway.

 

[Benedicta00]

My 3 yr. old has Asperger's. Our main challenge is when we go grocery shopping, church, etc. Anything away from home and our routine. How do you handle breakdowns in public? We try to remove him from the situation, we try to calm him down, but he has what I can only describe as anxiety attacks. Hyperventilating etc. Because of his age they will not prescribe him anything right now (the doctor's don't know much about dealing with AS). Any suggestions are welcome.

My child used to be the same way, anything out of routine, surprise stops or unfamiliar places would cause panic attacks.

I can say he may grow out of it, my son has but what can help now is making the transition easy for him, preparing him that this is where you will be going. Get a picture book and take picture or draw them if you can, of places you go to or will more than likely go to and before you leave, have him take his book of all the places he will be going in order and show it to him in order. After a while this will help him because he will know where he is going and it will cut down on the stress.

When a child is already stressed out talking to him trying to calm him is not going to do any good- just give him a picture of the sign “stop, quite” or something to that effect- he can process visual more than he can process audio.
It is good to keep pictures of different places in the car with you in case of a unexpected stop, you can pull out the picture and prepare him for where he will be going.

I know when my was 3 and in school he would panic when they brought him to lunch so the teacher would give him a plate and a spoon to carry on the way to the cafeteria and that helped because he knew where and what he was doing. It gives them some control over what is happening to them.

 

[Benedicta00]

They have a children's church, but he won't go. Last time we sent him in there, we ended up having to run back because he was in the middle of the room screaming and the poor girls were confused as to what to do. We try to prepare him as much as possible. Work him up for things, but as soon as we get into the van he will think of anything to get us back home. He will cry about a stuffed animal or just cry "my new house"(we moved a couple months ago, and I had to work him up to that by getting him excited about his "new house".) He hates leaving the house. So basically, it starts the second we leave and doesn't stop until we pull into the driveway.

In the case of church, try visuals; like a bible or a song book , what ever is used in church to hold on the way there. Lay his church clothes out the night before, try as many visual transitions as you can. Church is going to be tough for a while because all that goes on is just too stimulating for him and he can’t handle that right now- you may consider leaving him home with someone until he is older.

 

[Cat59]

Try and work out what it is that is stressing him. Is it the noise when you're shopping, is it having to wait at the checkout, is it all the different things and people he's seeing? The music they play there? Shopping when it's quiet might help, or if he's ok at first and the anxiety builds up, trying doing small shops and gradually extend the time you're there. I used visual things a lot, pictures to show what we were going to do in which order.
As for church, my son never managed the childrens' groups there. You could ask to see if you could go with him for a bit till he's used to the place and people, then gradually withdraw over a number of weeks and see if that helps.

 

[Katydid]

Thank you all for the suggestions, we have just now hit another problem though. My son has all of a sudden (within the last two weeks) become deathly afraid of being in the van. He keeps telling my husband to slow down and pull over and anything to get the van to stop. I don't get it. Could he have some other problem that doesn't have anything to do with AS? I mean, could this be a misdiagnoses, because he is just getting worse no matter how much I try to help him.

 

[Lena75]

Sounds like an anxiety problem. My son has autism and he had a phase where he would get upset and afraid while on the road. If someone was driving behind us, he would hit the back window (we have a minivan) and he would holler at them to stop and would sometimes even cry. For a while I had to (or hubby would) sit in the backseat with him to reassure him that it's ok. The thing is, with autism, he has to have routine. And with routine is a feeling of being in control. When something he notices is not going the way he thinks it should, he'll become upset or anxious. Now, with going for a ride is no problem, it's just for a while when on the road...that was the problem. Good thing it was only a phase and he's passed it now. But as for a mis-diagnosis, you'd have to ask your doctor.

God bless!

 

[Fangtastic]

They have a children's church, but he won't go. Last time we sent him in there, we ended up having to run back because he was in the middle of the room screaming and the poor girls were confused as to what to do. We try to prepare him as much as possible. Work him up for things, but as soon as we get into the van he will think of anything to get us back home. He will cry about a stuffed animal or just cry "my new house"(we moved a couple months ago, and I had to work him up to that by getting him excited about his "new house".) He hates leaving the house. So basically, it starts the second we leave and doesn't stop until we pull into the driveway.

you are describing my son,my church woes,my life here. as soon as i leave the house with my son,he wants to return to "his room" for me,ive now removed him from church as he was so disruptive,i couldnt pray.the church members love him,they ignore it but its ME. i think what works for me if i take him to shop with me,is the reward system.but hey,ive promised him something before and it wont matter if he hears a baby scream or clapping,music that stops suddenly..it wont matter what ive promised. my answer for you is PRAYER. i even say lets pray,and he will say Jesus help me.Ok,it has worked before.He has a guardian angel and I swear if im at my ropes end i just say please Jesus good things happen.I think what we deal with is our cross and Jesus sees us and says they're doing it.I sent them this child because THEY could do it without thinking about losing control.I get mad Katy.I do. I also feel picked on by the public but after awhile I realize that my son is innocent due to his faculties and altho he ruins many a public outing,I love him.He wont be like this in heaven.

 

[Katydid]

OK now here is the other side to my little guy. I have the flu right now and have been in bed for the past two days. So my seven year old came in twice to ask if I was OK (my hubby took off work) my 19 month old climbed all over me for 10 minutes before getting bored, but Justin came in every couple hours to say "Mommy, you all better? Mommy you OK Mommy I love you" and he would adjust my blankets and try to help. He is really a very sweet child, and some days I can't stand the things he does, but for days like today, he is the most precious child around. If I sound incoherent or rambling it is because I am still quite ill,so please forgive me.

 

[perfectly~poetic]

hey how are ya? i've personally have worked with disabled children but not typically aspergers....I've worked with sppech CP and autism. I totally understand how you feel about treatment with your son and the severity along with the roles you need to take.. I know when I was a IN Home Worker i worked with a little boy who was 8 but he hated, totally dispised the public only liked his home. I tried having him sleep over the night at my place but he ttried escaping on top of that his siblings were here to comfort him. The park was another thing i tried to take him too but he just wouldn't click.

We have to understand that their minds as adhd/add/autism/etc their minds are like race cars always racing and they never shut off... Also when i was working with this little boy they told me he was mute but he knew his #'s as tough as it is they are VERY smart and VERY challenging. It's mind alternating for a "normal" person but just try and step into their shoes and see what they have to go through every day. Not saying ytouhave to go through nothing. I have Spastic Cerebral Palsy and my parents went through hell and back with me going to TO and London operations and seizures and Brain surgery but just imagine what WE have to go through to mount the public.. Today's society is mean. I'm totally not at all saying your doing anything wrong but its hard being a parent as well justifying the matter and seeing your child as well trying to be in their shoes at the same time. I only hope the very very best for you and one day youwill have a miracle come in your life that your son will be 100% healthy. Also i wanted to tell you by saying this "by his stripes i am healed" this girl at a church where ilived said it 2 years in a row i believe because she was deaf or she had a disability that day came where everything was 100% normal she went to the doctors and she was off the meds and the cat scan/mri eegs were normal. So i have faith everything will be fine.

 

[BohemianChris]

>How do you handle public


I don't.

 

[Bethshaya]

Get him involved in the event. It will turn his focus away from the anxiety and onto the task he has.

A few items that are easily found in the isles on his own personal "list" can keep him busy.

Or, if you have coupons, give him the coupons and ask him to find the matching items as you walk the isles.

Those little carts for children to push are great for smaller children.

 

[Hisrosebud]

We were in a large church with a lot of "activity" going on.
It was very over stimulating.


We found a very small church without "modern" equipment, much lower key (and very very small, maybe 20 families). Our son does very well here.


Jane