How do you get through the day?

[cazza]

I know oldrooster but the house and its yard is too big for me to look after and my hubbie is going to fix up a few things in order to sell and pay me out.

I wan't to make a fresh start and he is going to pay child support.

 

[desi]

What if you contested the divorce because he has no Biblical right to demand one from you? Don't let him do this to the child(ren) without a legal, ethical, and spiritual fight. Giving up to people who are at odds with God's word is never right. Its like a poker game where a crummy hand turns into a straight flush with every new card dealt. Fold too early and you lose the pot and whatever winnings you would have taken home.

 

[cazza]

I don't believe it's time for me to "fight" my hubbie. He has been very confused about a few issues and I am hoping that God will work a miracle in his heart. I don't feel that I am loosing anything, he is financially supporting his children and will settle with me financially with the house.(I am keeping all the furniture and a new car by the way). I can see his pain and I am hoping that leaving will help him to realize what he actually has.

 

[desi]

Separation only teaches us how to live apart and money is no substitue for two biological parents who stand together in the interest of raising their children right. As a man talking to a woman about standing up for her marriage when her husband has failed it I don't know how to motivate you. I pray God does.

 

[cazza]

desi you should read my thread in the womens discussion about "the other woman" it may enlighten you more.

 

[desi]

desi you should read my thread in the womens discussion about "the other woman" it may enlighten you more.

Maybe it would, but it would not change a single word in my or your Bible. We keep loooking within the context of ourselves for advice when the word of God transcends the pettyness of our lives. The word of God fixes everything if we dare to apply it.

 

[oldrooster]

I know oldrooster but the house and its yard is too big for me to look after and my hubbie is going to fix up a few things in order to sell and pay me out.

I wan't to make a fresh start and he is going to pay child support.

That is good then, I have always put my kids first, and I left them everything.

 

[oldrooster]

Maybe it would, but it would not change a single word in my or your Bible. We keep loooking within the context of ourselves for advice when the word of God transcends the pettyness of our lives. The word of God fixes everything if we dare to apply it.

You would have made a good pharasee.....that is a crock as well, I prayed till my knees wore out and God did absolutly nothing to save my marrage....

 

[rainyday]

I just read your other thread cazza. First he lied about it being a pregnant other woman, then stated it was a man and he might be gay? Well?

cazza, you're dealing with a bigger burden than I thought.

 

[desi]

You would have made a good pharasee.....

Jesus's problem with the Pharisees was not their being legalistic so much as them being hypocrites regarding their legalism. My marriage is intact and everything I post is either from my experience or 'the Bible tells me so'; hence, I am many things but not a hypocrite at least in this area.

that is a crock as well, I prayed till my knees wore out and God did absolutly nothing to save my marrage....

Praying is good but praying while acting to subvert the cause you pray for doesn't help much. Oldrooster, based on what I've read of your posts you are compassionate towards others and you feel strongly your alcoholism contributed to your failed marriage. I take issue with this because marriage is God's creation, when one party leaves it for any reason other than a guy leaving a cheating wife the person leaving is wrong.

When men blame themselves for their wives leaving them they often act unmanly out of desperation to get their women back. This is understandable but the death knell of most marriages where the guy tries to fix things by doing his wife's will. I bet dimes to doughnuts you tried to win her back with AA and counseling only to fail, as most do in this case. When a woman leaves her marriage her husband needs to maintain his role and avoid turning to mush even though he is dying on the inside. Its exactly like back when you were dating and you didn't act too needy around women cause they'd smell it and run, when wives leave us they behave alot like that.

Oldrooster I'm not trying to antagonize you or anyone else. I just think many Godly men are out there getting divorced when they can do things to increase the survival of their marriages.

 

[sarah marie]

Desi... I don't know if you've noticed, but you've taken over Cazza's thread. She was looking for support, not debate.

 

[rainyday]

desi, you sure sound like you're trying to make this out to be cazza's fault, not her husband's. Unless you haven't been reading ... it's her HUSBAND who's initiating the separation and has HOMOSEXUAL issues.

Why do you have to attempt to spin everything against the women? I'm surprised you're even married because you do not seem to merely just 'like' women. What you've written, consistently throughout many threads in many forums, keeps striking me as if you despise women and women are the blame for everything.

I second sarah marie ... leave cazza's thread alone.

 

[desi]

desi, you sure sound like you're trying to make this out to be cazza's fault, not her husband's. Unless you haven't been reading ... it's her HUSBAND who's initiating the separation and has HOMOSEXUAL issues.

Why do you have to attempt to spin everything against the women? I'm surprised you're even married because you do not seem to merely just 'like' women. What you've written, consistently throughout many threads in many forums, keeps striking me as if you despise women and women are the blame for everything.

I second sarah marie ... leave cazza's thread alone.

My name was brought up in a desparaging way, if a man wants to fight you you've got to oblige...

As for Cazza, I have offered support for her, her family, and her marriage. Just because her husband is trying to buy her out and claim he's confused is no reason for her to give up on her marriage. Really Cazza, I'm on your side here because your husband is wrong for leaving. Don't give up. Do what you can to make it legally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually difficult for your husband to divorce you. Your marriage is worth the effort.

 

[cazza]

desi

How can you have a marriage if the love is one sided . My Husband tells me that he hasn't loved me for 2 yrs, not only that, he is confused about his sexuality. I realy do feel that the passive approach is best for now. We both need some space, he to resolve his confusion and me a reprieve from the hurt.

The Lord told me to "wait" and to "trust". waiting doesn't mean I'm going to do nothing, I am going to wait on the Lord and trust that He has a plan for both my Husband and me.

thankyou desi for your sometimes tough love.

 

[Christi]

desi

How can you have a marriage if the love is one sided . My Husband tells me that he hasn't loved me for 2 yrs, not only that, he is confused about his sexuality. I realy do feel that the passive approach is best for now. We both need some space, he to resolve his confusion and me a reprieve from the hurt.

The Lord told me to "wait" and to "trust". waiting doesn't mean I'm going to do nothing, I am going to wait on the Lord and trust that He has a plan for both my Husband and me.

thankyou desi for your sometimes tough love.

Cazza......I hope your marriage can work out. Miracles do happen. But some practical advice, since your husband has initiated this, and has told you what he's told you. If you do want it to work, and you do have any hope left that God can heal this....accept his decision with smiles and grace, telling him it's not what you want, but you'll survive it. Keep your dignity. Men don't come back to women, because the wife can't live without them. They come back to women who can. He'll never know what he's losing, if it always remains an option. From what you've said, you've done everything right. Don't let him see you sweat, whether you're sopping wet the moment he leaves. Don't cry and don't beg. A marriage based on pity or obligation or guilt is not a marriage he'd stay in for long, even if he returned. Hold your head up and live. Follow God, for He will sustain you. Your husband is responsible for this and he will have to face what he's done. He will have to be the leader and be a man, if he wants to change what he's done. If not, you've done all you can and you've kept your grace and dignity and relationship with God. He can't take your strength, and he can't take Whom your strength is in. If your marriage is to survive, the ball is in his court not yours.

 

[cazza]

Thanks Christi,

I feel a little more validated. I have been conciously making an effort to maintain my dignity for the sake of a peaceful household (for my kids) and I am not going to beg or grovel to my husband, I don't want to stress him either cos I think his emotional state is extremely fragile right now. I am praying that clarity will come to him and he will realise his sins, although I am not waiting for something that may never come.

I have told him I love him and that the door will not be shut on our relationship. I think he needs a friend more than a wife at the moment and strangely he is opening up to me more each day (like a friend would)

Living in hope and trusting in the Lord