How do you get through the day?

[cazza]

Please tell me how do you get through the day knowing that your spouse has rejected you and wants to break the family? The pain has been emense and I'm not sure how to cope. I have been praying for our family to be healed again but it looks hopeless now as I am moving out with the kids.

I never thought I could feel so much pain that has no physical cure.

Some advice please

 

[jwebhead]

I understand your pain and concern. You have got to look past yourself and look ONLY at Chist. Remember 2 of the MANY promises that God has given us.
Jeremiah 29
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He knows our future...we do not, even if we think we do and plan it the way we want. He (the Lord) has a better picture and better plan. (I am not saying that this separation is ultimately what God wants, but He can turn anything around and bring glory to Himself. Whether that is bringing your family back as a whole or ... He can and does All things.)

Proverbs 3
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
Focus on that. Trust and obey what the Lord has comanded us.

I have seen the Lord take a situation like this and absolutley transform a person. Made them realize their sin and their focus was not where is should be. I cannot stress the imoportance that YOU (do not get sucked into looking at what others are doing wrong) keep your focus on Christ.

You are in a tough place and I hope and pray this will bring a little comfort to you, but hang on. The Lord will not let you go.

If it is not to forward, why are you leaving? The bible states 1 Cor 7:10 10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.

I am not trying to pour salt in the wound and am NOT passing any judgement, I am just concerned that if there is separation, there may not be reconciliation.

 

[cazza]

My hubbie gave me a choice, He leaves or I do. I don't feel I can maintain a large house and garden while working and looking after 2 kids. So he wants to settle with me by buying me out of the house.

I am struggling with prayer at the moment and it's hard to remember the Lord has a plan. I know he is carrying me at the moment and that's the only reason I can get through each hour

 

[bkg]

The old saying is that "Time heals all wounds..." Well I'm here to tell you that time only COVERS all wounds. Jwebhead is very correct - seek God. Only God can heal through the blood of Jesus.

I do believe, however, that you need support from humans as well. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I have gone through a divorce that I didn't want, and the only way to describe it is that IT SUCKS! But it's also the best thing that has every happened to me spiritually. Take this time to focus on God.

Before you make ANY decisions on house, or even signing the divorce papers - pray diligently. Making decisions while emotional is almost always very bad. Seek God's plan in this.

If you seek counsel, make sure it is with a Christian who wants to see your marriage restored. Too many Pastors, clergy and even lay-people these days accept divorce as "just part of life" and forget that we are to cleave and that God HATES divorce.

If you need other resources, I highly recommend Restore Ministries (www.marriagehelponline.com), as Erin's books have helped me seek God and get through very confusing times.

bkg

 

[jwebhead]

I am struggling with prayer at the moment and it's hard to remember the Lord has a plan. I know he is carrying me at the moment and that's the only reason I can get through each hour

I personally think it is okay if we struggle with prayer. We are not required to have these long perfect speeches. I also believe that God wants us to come to Him when we are empty, discouraged and just 'be' with Him. I pray that you can have a few moments of quiet meditation with Him tonight.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Did you wake up this morning? Did you get to hug your kids today? Did you take a breath of air and let it out?
It seems that when something of this magnitude becomes entangled in our lives we forget about all the small things that make up our lives. I lost 32 lbs. in about 3 weeks... my hair was coming out in chunks I couldn't eat it hurt to breath. But I got up every morning, I went to work everyday, I drove home to my friends, and for three weeks straight I forgot about what it was the REALLY kept me alive (or make me go on) ... its simply life. Life wont stop and the hard part is being okay with it. Praying and seeking God is great advice, but in your struggle with those, there are things in this world and in your life that out weighs the pain and the hurt. Its time, in a sense to get back to the basics... remember when popsicle on a hot day was Heaven on earth, things like that we take to trivial today. As you see your life falling apart I see another piece of the puzzle being put into place, as you feel the pain, I see the growth, this is a battle, one that you can lose on many fronts, but as you see your self struggling I see you succeeding, for if there was no struggle then you have simply given up, there are to many things and to many people around you that are going to be there for you, always, you cant and wont give up.
Its one step at a time, and as you take each step looking where you are stepping, who you are stepping with and what you want that step to lead. How do I get through the day, I wake up. My life isn't over and neither is yours, and neither is yours.

Warrior Poet

 

[cazza]

I am thankful for my children, they're so innocent. I am thankful that I am here.
I can't help feeling there must be something wrong with me that I can't even keep a marriage together. How does this effect the rest of my life? Will I ever be happy again?

 

[mlukas]

first of all, I am sorry to hear about your divorce. Like you, about two years ago, I was handed a divorce that I did not want. And I agree with the pragmatic response of one of the posts... IT SUCKS!
That pretty much sums it up...
However, you will get through it as I have and as too many others have. God loves you throughout all this, remember that. It may not have been his plan that your spouse left you, He cannot control another's free will. However, He loves you the same no matter what happens.
Also, on the more pragmatic side. If I had to do the divorce all over again, I would have brought in an attorney from DAY ONE! As harsh as it seems, your spouse is now your enemy. It's been my experience that at that point they are now looking out for THEIR interests, so PLEASE do not believe for a moment anything differently. In the long run, legal advice will save you a lot of difficulty.
Also, as much as it may not seem now, things will get better. God has truly blessed me since the divorce a few years ago. My life, as weird as it may sound, is actually exponentially better despite any problems I have

God Bless,

M

 

[rainyday]

One day at a time, one day at a time. Pray to God to get you through that one day. Don't focus on much else right now until the pain begins to ebb.

 

[bliz]

Do no make any decision about leaving the house until you have spoken to a lawyer!!! You have a responsibility to look after your children because clearly their father does not have their best interests at heart.

I agree with you that praying for the restoration of the marriage is something you should be doing, but you also need to be preparing for future, whatever itmight be.

 

[cazza]

thanks all for helping me get through this day

 

[rainyday]

Okay cazza, pray today for help to just make it through today. One step at a time. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

 

[rainyday]

You Raise Me Up

Josh Grogen​

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;​

When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

cazza ... on my way into work today I thought of you as this song played in my truck.

You know, I've been where you're at right now. You cannot help your husband's free will, but you can let your Lord sit beside you and comfort you as He holds you in His loving embrace. Sit peacefully cazza and feel His presence. He's always there for us. He knows your husband's free will is hurting you, but trust in Him then to use this to instill a grace within you to move on from all of this much stronger and wiser. It may still not end as you foresee, but if it does know this, there's nothing that will happen to you that you and God cannot handle together. Just have faith cazza. Let Him raise you up on His shoulders during this time and make you stronger than you ever thought possible of yourself. Again ... I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[cazza]

another day down. this one was extremely hard. Went out to dinner with friends and it was painfully obvious who was partnerless!! ME!!

I feel cheated out of a long loving relationship when I look around at other couples.

How much pain can a person stand before they break?

Sorry for my constant self pity, it's very late here now 12.23am I can't see the keyboard any more.

 

[rainyday]

Okay, empty your thoughts if you can. If you can't, pray that God will for you. Now lay down and sleep it off.

One day at a time. Don't look back at today anymore.

How much pain? Who say's you're going to break? Don't believe you will and you won't. Believe you will and it becomes the self-fulfilling prophecy. Be careful of your way of thinking during this time.

To do that, while you're lying there trying to fall off to sleep, keep repeating to yourself "God, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me that you and I can't handle together. I will NOT break! I will grow strong from this no matter how it ends." If you do this, like a recording it will play through your subconscious while you sleep and hopefully instill a stronger more endurant attitude day by day.

I've done this. I'm still doing it. I'm dealing with a current heart ache and I'm having my bad days and good days. I've noticed though, since I've been doing that before I fall off to sleep, even if a tear trickles down my face during the day, or the dam bursts forth many tears ... I recover more easily. I'm not prone to too many of the dam bursts lately either.

Just one day at a time cazza.

Now, tuck yourself in and pleasant dreams. Okay?

 

[Christi]

Please tell me how do you get through the day knowing that your spouse has rejected you and wants to break the family? The pain has been emense and I'm not sure how to cope. I have been praying for our family to be healed again but it looks hopeless now as I am moving out with the kids.

I never thought I could feel so much pain that has no physical cure.

Some advice please

Your post brings back lots of painful memories for me. I remember that feeling.....where you feel actual physical pain, and when you think of it on awakening you just have to struggle to breathe.

Use this time to lean on Him. He has wonderful plans for you, don't ever doubt that.

I'm saying this from hindsight. God never let go of me----and the pain does fade with time, and gives way to much brighter sunshine.

You will get through this.

 

[E-beth]

Your post brought alot of it back for me too. I also was given the choice leave or be left and I also got bought out of the house. The day I signed my house away was one of the saddest days of my life.

This is how you get through the day: you get up, you breathe, you go through doing what you have to do, and then you go to bed. There were days early on that if I had to make myself breathe, I wouldn't have. Days were lonely, and the nights were worse. Every time a love song came on the radio I wanted to strangle the deejay. I listened to angry music. I refused to talk to God. I started "dating" people I had no business even talking to. I was just so angry. And lonely, and scared, and sad.

It hurts. It will hurt for a while, but not forever. I can honestly say that the time after my marriage crumbled (he was unfaithful and abusive) were eventually my happiest. I started doing at home, Bible Studies and got to know teh Lover of my soul. I learned I am OK with God's help and then I learned to trust and love again. Now I have a husband who loves me completely and a son who is worth every ounce of pain I ever suffered. My life is great now, I feel blessed, and I look back at that dark time the way one remembers a bad dream.

I will tell you, it DOES get better. You won't feel like dog doo forever. You won't mind being alone as much when the pain starts to wane a bit.

One piece of advice though...do not let your husband push you out of your house and your life. If he wants to have the house, he can have the bills too. I hated losing my house, but I did start out on my own debt-free.

Feel free to PM me whenever you need to talk. And hunt down a copy of Dennis Jernigan's "If I Could Sit with You Awhile." That song got me through alot of lonely times. If I can find the lyrics I will give them to you.

 

[cazza]

To do that, while you're lying there trying to fall off to sleep, keep repeating to yourself "God, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me that you and I can't handle together. I will NOT break! I will grow strong from this no matter how it ends." If you do this, like a recording it will play through your subconscious while you sleep and hopefully instill a stronger more endurant attitude day by day.

Thanks rainyday

I have written this on a pocket card

Thanks to all who have or who are praying for me! It makes a huge difference.

Another day has begun, ok so far. Off to Church now, need my God injection for the week.

Bless you all

 

[cazza]

WOW a non confronting day YAY!!!

Thank you Lord and to all who have prayed.

I am feeling a little more rejuvinated now, mind you I haven't seen my hubbie today. Well I needed time to recharge for the next onslaught. I have to last the week cos I'm moving onthe weekend

 

[oldrooster]

If you have the kids, you should have the house. If he was any kind of man, you do not throw your kids out of their house.