How do you get rid of the fear of being in a relationship

[J1991]

Each time someone brings up the topic of relationship, I start freaking out internally even when it's not directed towards me. Scripture says that God didn't give me a spirit of fear. How do I work in the authority that He has given me?

 

[angelsaroundme]

Is there something in particular that makes you afraid of being in a relationship?

 

[DragonFox91]

Not sure. I know I get uncomfortable when it happens. It's more a feeling
of sadness because it's something I will never get.

Do you mean like they'll call you out for being single? Yes, that happens, & it hurts, no doubt about it.

I guess whatever it is your concerned about, jsut remember you are God's child & he loves you, & now may not be the time & enjoy the freedoms of being single. Count your blessings. Be thankful for what you have. Seriously make a list. Go over the list regularly & pray over it.

Is there something in particular that makes you afraid of being in a relationship?

I'm unclear if he's afraid of being in a relationship, or when conversation drifts towards relationships.

 

[josef7]

How do I work in the authority that He has given me?

Remember Scripture that says who Christ is -- because He is our Rock, and the only relationship that can ground us.

Tell verses like this to yourself:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." "Now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." (Psalm 23:1, 1 Peter 2:25)

"It is my eager hope and expectation that I will by no means ashamed, but with all boldness, now as always, Christ will be glorified in me, whether by life or by death." (Philippians 1:20)

An excellent exhortation from D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones - Preach to Yourself

If the talk is about other people's relationships and there's any temptation to jealousy, pray for them, and if you can (if the relationship isn't sinful), thank God for their relationship.

 

[timewerx]

Each time someone brings up the topic of relationship, I start freaking out internally even when it's not directed towards me. Scripture says that God didn't give me a spirit of fear. How do I work in the authority that He has given me?

It's alright to fear. Even Jesus feared His own fate at the cross, he became extremely anxious and stressed as he awaited his fate.

It's a lot worse to *pretend* not to feel any negative emotions because you are acting in deceit in front of other people.

It's a big problem in many churches today, the members act like con artists or scammers or Amway salespeople. Pretending to be something they truly aren't. They attract people by giving them high expectations and when expectations fail, they blame the unsuspecting victims it's they who failed their faith or because they're not minding their own business. Never the fault of the leaders. The leaders have no accountability to the faith of their members. They operate like scam artists but legally because they are actually sanctioned by the government. That's what become of the many modern churches, a den of robbers.

 

[ReesePiece23]

It's a lot worse to *pretend* not to feel any negative emotions because you are acting in deceit in front of other people.

Correct.

This goes for any aspect of life. Fear, discomfort and stress, is the price we must pay to have anything meaningful, anything real, and - yes, anything worth having.

Best thing you can do is simply resign yourself to what you are feeling, and understand that the path to growth is well underway. Just whatever you do, do NOT try to play games with your own mind and try to swerve it into thinking you're "cool". You're not cool, you ARE freaking out, and it IS absolutely fine.

The alternative is to do nothing in exchange for nothing. Which is even more anxiety-inducing. So you might as well run the gauntlet. At least then, whatever you're feeling is real.

 

[timewerx]

Correct.

This goes for any aspect of life. Fear, discomfort and stress, is the price we must pay to have anything meaningful, anything real, and - yes, anything worth having.

Best thing you can do is simply resign yourself to what you are feeling, and understand that the path to growth is well underway. Just whatever you do, do NOT try to play games with your own mind and try to swerve it into thinking you're "cool". You're not cool, you ARE freaking out, and it IS absolutely fine.

The alternative is to do nothing in exchange for nothing. Which is even more anxiety-inducing. So you might as well run the gauntlet. At least then, whatever you're feeling is real.

Even our Lord Jesus Christ's faith wavered.......but only for a moment and got Himself back on path the very last moment and succeeded in His task!

Yup, it's okay to feel negative emotions and even to express them as long as we don't let them take us off our goals and turn us bitter.

And it's so true, these unwanted feelings, the hurts, the discomfort will only make our victories feel even sweeter.

Ironically, people these days, not just Christians are getting so obsessed at brushing aside and canceling negative emotions they end up worse and in a terrible and bitter disposition than people who can appreciate and express the whole spectrum of human emotions.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Ironically, people these days, not just Christians are getting so obsessed at brushing aside and canceling negative emotions they end up worse and in a terrible and bitter disposition than people who can appreciate and express the whole spectrum of human emotions.

Oh, SO true. I fell into this trap for years.

Now, I'm seeing past the illusion. It's a battlefield out there, but it's far better to be put to the task than bury it under false pretences.

God won't stop you from hiding behind Him, but He won't help you either.

 

[DragonFox91]

Even our Lord Jesus Christ's faith wavered.......but only for a moment and got Himself back on path the very last moment and succeeded in His task!

Yup, it's okay to feel negative emotions and even to express them as long as we don't let them take us off our goals and turn us bitter.

And it's so true, these unwanted feelings, the hurts, the discomfort will only make our victories feel even sweeter.

Ironically, people these days, not just Christians are getting so obsessed at brushing aside and canceling negative emotions they end up worse and in a terrible and bitter disposition than people who can appreciate and express the whole spectrum of human emotions.

People don't realize negative emotions are a part of life.

 

[timewerx]

People don't realize negative emotions are a part of life.

People these days treats it like a contagious disease and avoid people who are going through some tough times fearing their misfortunes would rub on them.

Even Christians have adopted such behavior as well. Feng Shui is sky-rocketing in popularity as people try to eliminate anything negative in all aspects of their lives.

Obviously, none of that is Biblical. If you keep on avoiding anything that will ruin your zen, you avoid and drive away the Holy Spirit as well. Whatever spirit you're attracting is of the different kind, a deceiver, an impostor.

 

[J1991]

Is there something in particular that makes you afraid of being in a relationship?

I fear being in a relationship. I fear being compared to a previous fling. I fear that I won't be able to do all that I want if someone comes along. I am a woman by the way.

 

[J1991]

Remember Scripture that says who Christ is -- because He is our Rock, and the only relationship that can ground us.

Tell verses like this to yourself:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." "Now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." (Psalm 23:1, 1 Peter 2:25)

"It is my eager hope and expectation that I will by no means ashamed, but with all boldness, now as always, Christ will be glorified in me, whether by life or by death." (Philippians 1:20)

An excellent exhortation from D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones - Preach to Yourself

If the talk is about other people's relationships and there's any temptation to jealousy, pray for them, and if you can (if the relationship isn't sinful), thank God for their relationship.

Thank you! This encouraged me a lot.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Each time someone brings up the topic of relationship, I start freaking out internally even when it's not directed towards me. Scripture says that God didn't give me a spirit of fear. How do I work in the authority that He has given me?

Maybe seek a therapist or if not that, someone you can confide in to overcome this fear?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

People these days treats it like a contagious disease and avoid people who are going through some tough times fearing their misfortunes would rub on them.

Even Christians have adopted such behavior as well. Feng Shui is sky-rocketing in popularity as people try to eliminate anything negative in all aspects of their lives.

Obviously, none of that is Biblical. If you keep on avoiding anything that will ruin your zen, you avoid and drive away the Holy Spirit as well. Whatever spirit you're attracting is of the different kind, a deceiver, an impostor.

Interestingly enough, this is nothing new. Another term is someone who prefers to live their lives through rose-colored glasses. These types make me cringe.
If I see someone post some misfortune in their lives, like a death in the family, they say, "Positive vibes to you!"

And I cringe.

 

[timewerx]

Interestingly enough, this is nothing new. Another term is someone who prefers to live their lives through rose-colored glasses. These types make me cringe.
If I see someone post some misfortune in their lives, like a death in the family, they say, "Positive vibes to you!"

And I cringe.

Same people who goes completely nuts when things don't even slightly go their way.

 

[timewerx]

I fear that I won't be able to do all that I want if someone comes along.

All relationships have compromises. You won't be able to do all you want unless you married a duplicated of yourself.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I fear being in a relationship. I fear being compared to a previous fling. I fear that I won't be able to do all that I want if someone comes along. I am a woman by the way.

Then don't be in a relationship. You don't HAVE to be in one.

But if you really crave companionship and intimacy, I'd encourage you to seek counseling with a professional who can talk through these fears with you. They'll be able to help you understand where they come from, and how you can deal with them.

 

[DragonFox91]

I fear being in a relationship. I fear being compared to a previous fling. I fear that I won't be able to do all that I want if someone comes along. I am a woman by the way.

Nothing to be anxious about. These days a lot of men haven't had previous flings. God may have one of these men in mind for you if you so desire marriage

 

[Sketcher]

I fear being compared to a previous fling.

That's understandable. One possible solution is to get with a guy who doesn't do flings and didn't do them. Of course, he might have the same insecurity. I hope that wouldn't be a problem for you.

I fear that I won't be able to do all that I want if someone comes along.

Are you doing those things now? And do any of those things become inappropriate if you are in a relationship?

 

[trophy33]

Thinking about being in a relationship without having a clear idea with whom, is totally useless. You can speculate and feed your fears (or in some cases romantic fantasies) with unending variations and combinations.

First, you must meet somebody specific, then you must think about if you want to be in a relationship with him. If not, do not be. Its really as simple as that.

If you know nobody suitable for you, there is nothing to think about - you do not know his priorities, values, views or behavior, yet.

Another choice is to simply stay single. There is no law you must marry and modern relationships are so bad/worthless these days, that many people already left the dating market, you will not be the only one.