How do you forgive?

[workenprogress]

How does one forgive? Also, if due to unforgiveness, we've reached a point where we have the root of bitterness; how do we remove it?

 

[Carl Emerson]

To forgive one needs the desire to forgive - this may be something you need to ask for.

However un-forgiveness is a sin that needs to be repented of.

If bitterness has taken hold this likewise needs to be repented of.

Sounds like one needs to seek out a mature church leader and work this through carefully.

 

[bling]

We can say: "Forgive unconditionally".
Can we do our job of forgiving a person and forgiveness not take place? (Matt. 18)

 

[FutureAndAHope]

How does one forgive? Also, if due to unforgiveness, we've reached a point where we have the root of bitterness; how do we remove it?

I have a video that may help with this. In the video, I talk about one instance in my life where I had to overcome bitterness towards a person. The video is talking about how to overcome voices of condemnation that eat at us.

 

[Jonaitis]

How does one forgive? Also, if due to unforgiveness, we've reached a point where we have the root of bitterness; how do we remove it?

I always found prayer to be helpful.

 

[St_Worm2]

How does one forgive? Also, if due to unforgiveness, we've reached a point where we have the root of bitterness; how do we remove it?

Hello Workenprogress, I have no idea about why this root of bitterness has sprung up in you, but for starters, here's the Biblical model for forgiveness from the Lord Himself.

Luke 17
3 “If your brother sins, rebuke him; and ~if~ he repents, forgive him.
4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
​

So, step one in "Biblical" forgiveness is a tough one, isn't it, since it requires the victim (who is already hurting) to initiate it.

Why? Because some perpetrators (who have sinned against us) don't realize that they've done so, and others, who know that they have, refuse to admit it, so the Lord wants us (as victims) to make sure that the one who has sinned against us knows how we feel and why.

Then, if they ask to be forgiven, the ball is back in our court, and we must do so.

If we choose to forgive people who have hurt us ~silently~, IOW, without telling them that they have hurt us (just so that we can "feel better" about ourselves), we are following in the practices of this world (the world is principally concerned with self alone, but we, as believers, are to adhere to a completely different standard and have a very different focus than that of the world, yes?). I believe that we can be guilty of sinning against them (as the Lord's "peacemakers" .. Matthew 5:9) by robbing them of the opportunity to repent of their sin, to be forgiven, and to then be reconciled with both us AND with God (the latter part being of particular importance if the person who hurt us is not a believer, yes?).

The Biblical model of forgiveness is meant to bring us together, while the world's model is actually meant to keep us apart (by allowing us to "feel" better about ourselves while, at the same time, continuing to be in a cold war of sorts with the person who hurt us).

Just look at the world today and take note of how successful the enemy has been at dividing us

So, forgiveness (Biblically speaking) is the first step in reconciliation (which is God's goal for us, both with Him ~and~ with each other).

To keep a root of bitterness from growing up in us against another person, we first need to remember who we are in Christ (and that He alone is our portion and the only one to Whom we are to look to find our self-worth), and then we need to follow the instructions that Bible gives us (then, if the person who has sinned against us continues to refuse to ask for forgiveness, we will be able to feel sorry for them, pray for them, and continue to seek their best/love them, rather than continuing to hate them passively/in silence from a distance, like the world tells us to do (just FYI, letting them "off the hook", by forgiving those who have not asked to be forgiven, may allow us to "feel" better in a way, but it actually ends up being a way of hating someone instead of loving them).

Again, while I'm not sure what is behind the problem that you're having right now, I am hoping that some of what I just pointed out above will be helpful to you in resolving it!

Praying for you!

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - theologian and pastor, Sinclair Ferguson, has some advice for Christians that I like to remember and follow whenever I can, particularly when I find myself wondering what I need to do next to solve a difficult problem of some sort.

 

[sandman]

The Word of God states:

Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Think about what God forgave you for....Not just past wrong doings, but all of your future wrong doings.
In addition to the fact that it is destructive to your own well being.

I had a deep rooted one for many years ...Caused by a believer friend when I lived in AZ.
He came out from our home town in Chicago.... and I bent over backwards to help him out ...Got him a job, let him live with me for a while, and then got him an apartment and paid security and first months rent and bought him food.... within a few weeks he came back to my place when I was at work... stole my old $15,000 Martin guitar and was hitchhiking back to Chicago. He left a note blaming me for his downfall... and at the end of the note ....he stated... he took the guitar, because I owed him that.
I could have dealt with him leaving and taking the guitar (maybe) .... but the note pushed me over the edge. My natural man past kicked in ... I made a call to some acquaintances in Chi-town just in case he made it through... and I went out after him.
I don't know how...but somehow over a 200 mile span, God was able to get through the rage and talk me down... and I did cancel the call that I made to Chicago ...but I never forgave him...for many years ...Even after turning his life back around and becoming a stellar believer (from what I understand), and even though I told myself I had forgiven him ....I still held that deep rooted resentment... up until about a year ago... As I read Eph 4:32 for the thousandth time God brought to my heart this situation...
My old man past was riddled with horrible things I did... I could have given Paul a run for his money ....and God through His mercy, grace, and loving kindness forgave me through Christ Jesus... I was finally able to clear the slate that night.

 

[Xeno.of.athens]

How does one forgive?

Forgiveness is a decision not to act or speak against the one who did wrong. It is to lift, as far as it is within your ability, the deserved consequences of wrong doing. So one forgives by setting aside the due consequences of another person's wrong doing.

 

[RileyG]

Ask God to remove all bitterness and grudges.

 

[ViaCrucis]

How does one forgive? Also, if due to unforgiveness, we've reached a point where we have the root of bitterness; how do we remove it?

How does one forgive? Through much toil and through many tears. As disciples of Jesus we are works in progress, that means that even as we are called to forgive we are learning how to forgive. Learning how to forgive is part of this cross we are called to carry as we follow Jesus, as we are being sanctified by the Holy Spirit and being conformed to Christ's image and walking in imitation of Him.

If we abide in Christ, hearing His word of our forgiveness, the Holy Spirit is faithfully at work converting us, renewing us day by day, drawing us to seek Christ and to love our neighbor. And in this the fruits of the Spirit are borne in our lives through this life of faith, repentance, and good works.

If it were easy to forgive others then Jesus wouldn't say His way is narrow and difficult; but the way of Jesus, the way of His cross, is a hard road of difficulty. And it is only by the grace of God that we tread it. Treading it not for reward and earning God's favor; but because we love Him who first loved us, and the heart of faith brings forth daily conversion and renewal as the Holy Spirit operates in our lives to make us more like Jesus.

When you find bitterness laying in wait to ensnare you, repent. Repentance is the call upon the life of the Christian to continually drown the old man. And in this remember God's love for you in Christ and how He forgives you--freely and fully forgives you and cleanses you of all unrighteousness for Christ's sake. So that you look upon Christ daily who makes you God's child and in Whom you are seated at the Table of God in His House.

And through this life of toil and tears, learning to give ourselves up and to throw ourselves away in love. "For to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21).

-CryptoLutheran

 

[PuerAzaelis]

How does one forgive?

With great difficulty.

 

[workenprogress]

To keep a root of bitterness from growing up in us against another person, we first need to remember who we are in Christ (and that He alone is our portion and the only one to Whom we are to look to find our self-worth),

View attachment 317932​

Thank you for your response; it helped me a great deal.

Would you have any recommended verses/passages that could help nurture my identity in Christ?

 

[St_Worm2]

Thank you for your response; it helped me a great deal. Would you have any recommended verses/passages that could help nurture my identity in Christ?

Hello again Workenprogress, sure, but there are so many that it's hard to know where to begin, PTL

I'll start with both a verse and a quote for you to consider (from theologian/pastor Charles Spurgeon). His quote is derived from the verse, in large part anyway. Here they are:

"We know that God causes ~all~ things to work together
for good to those who love God, to those who
are called according to His purpose"
Romans 8:28
​

"All things" means both the good and the bad that we experience in this life, yes? (at least "good" and "bad" as we perceive them/from our POV instead of God's) This is why Spurgeon said what he did above, and why he was able to see the struggles that we face in this life in a new/wonderful light

I'll stop for now, but there's more (much more) if you'd like me to continue?

God bless you!!

--David
p.s. - did you know that God's love for you is like He is, from "everlasting" .. Psalm 90:1-2; Jeremiah 31:3? IOW, as His adopted child, you have ~always~ been loved by Him (even before you were you ) and you always will be, both now, and forevermore

This is why Spurgeon was able to conclude (in one of his daily devotional readings) that, "Everlasting love shall be the pillow for my head this night" (Morning and Evening, Evening, February 27th).

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