How do you explain why you self-harm to someone?

[Silver-winged Flyer]

I have a good friend who I have told about my self-harming. She doesn't understand why I do it which I can completely understand, I wouldn't either if I was her.

How have you tried to explain it to people so they understand why you do/did it?
I'm not trying to make it sound like a good thing because I know I shouldn't do it but I'd like her to understand it a bit.

 

[Criada]

This is a very useful resource to help friends and family understand a little:
Self-harm | Mind

Maybe you could print parts of it out for your friend, or give her the link.
It's a hard thing for those who have never self harmed to understand, but I've used this on many occassions (I work with teens who self harm, as well as doing so myself)

Hope that helps - it is a great support to have friends who understand at least to some extent.

 

[avengeusa]

I use to say it was a survival technique, or a way to control your pain, or deflect your pain, but now i am sure it is a very strong spiritual thing

 

[Phoenix92885]

For me, I'm the kind of person who holds everything in. I don't like to let much out. So to describe it visually, I get the big ball of anxiety, stress and other negative feelings that start to overwhelm me. Because of my personality, its not as easy as just talking about them to let them out. For me a way to let go of the negativity is through self harm. I know it's only a temporary solution because soon, all those feelings will be back and then new ones added on top of it.

Everyone has their reasons for doing it. Some say they do it because they want to feel physical pain so they can know that their mental and emotional anguish is real. It just depends on the person. In the end, it's not a healthy way to express your emotions but I think you already knew that.

That's just my two cents.
Phoenix

 

[Tenkuh]

It is okay. Friends do not have to completely understand one another. You are two completely different people, so it is understandable there are things you will not understand about one another. Just caring about one another is basis enough for a friendship and conversation.

Just tell her how you feel and the truth. Tell her, "I know you do not understand why I injure myself. I do not completely understand it myself. Thank you for listening to me, for caring about me, and for supporting me. Just please listen to me when I need to vent, it really helps me. I will be there for you too." If there are other feelings you need to express, then express that as well.

And please, get help for your cutting.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I know what triggered mine from the start. I now know what triggers it when it happens. I start with that. When I explain it I describe it as a monster who lives in the deepest part of me. It grows with stress, painful issues and so forth. It grows and grows till it has to escape and for me, it has to escape in one way. No other way lets it shrink back down.

It can be very hard to explain. I don't explain it much, I hide it. Only certain family members know and my Pastor and a lady at church who does it too.

 

[Mayflower1]

I have told people before that I wasn't quite sure why I did it myself, just that I had a lot of feelings I didn't know how to manage, and it is a bad way I started to handle it. Now I can tell them that I have a whole bunch of healthy coping skills where I don't have to self-injure anymore.

 

[peckaboo]

Depending who I'm talking to, sometimes I describe a feeling of being so full of anxiety or anger (or whatever the driving feeling is), that it builds up such a pressure in me and I have to cut a hole to let it out, like puncturing a balloon to let the air out.
Other people are more understanding of a more scientific approach - it's generally acknowledged that there's a strong chemical element to SI. The combination of the anxiety and the pain and some other factors they don't yet understand causes your brain to release endophins (or was it serotonin? Some feel-good chemical anyway), and you become addicted to that, in the same way that a heroin addict is addicted to that chemical.