How do you deal with "goodbye" (apart for some time) once married?

[CounselorForChrist]

I'm leaving in a few days to get married to my fiance over seas. After we marry I come back here without her for about a year to file for a spousal visa. Honestly I'm not worried about anything, I know we will make it through the time apart.

But today it really hit me that we will have to say goodbye for a year. Iv'e been crying for about 3 hours now thinking about it. I don't want to leave her. Shes part of me now (even more so after the wedding). Worse yet is the fact I know I have to say goodbye. Its unavoidable. Its like being terminally ill and knowing you will die at some point. I can't bypass it or avoid it.

I just want to hug her at the airport and not let go. Feel her against my body as our hearts beat together. Forever having that moment in my mind as I go home. Being able to think of that when I sit at night alone in my bed missing her.

How do others deal with having to say goodbye for awhile? Does it ever get easier? I know its not forever. But it still hurts my heart. I may be a mushy teddy bear as she says, but I thank God I am this way. I wouldn't change it. When a man cries for a woman you know he means it.

Thanks for any advice or just general help. I appreciate it.

 

[MrsSWH]

A whole year sounds daunting. I feel for you. My husband often goes on business trips. Honestly I am so busy with the children now but I miss him even if it is only for a couple of days. For a whole year I hope you two intend upon skyping and taking as many trips as you can afford. I don't think married people should be away from each other for too long.

 

[Spunkn]

What if you got a special calender, and make it a plan to do something on each day you apart. It doesn't have to be anything special. It doesn't have to be long. Maybe a simple text / email / thought to the other person, just once a day. Or you could alternate days with each other.

Take lots of pictures while you are over there, and then put them on your fridge, house, or whatever to remind yourself that you will get that back in a while.

Do a bible study together through skype. Or pick a book and read it together, then discuss it with one another.

Just some ideas.

I don't think it will ever be "easy" , but you can do things to remind yourself that it is only temporary and look forward to the time where you will be together again.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Thanks! We talk pretty much every day for varied amounts of times. Sometimes an hour, sometimes 5 or hours. We also try to Skype often when her connection is good.

I don't think it will ever be "easy" , but you can do things to remind yourself that it is only temporary and look forward to the time where you will be together again.

Yep thats what someone just told me. Its not like we will be separated forever. It may be hard at first but our love and Gods strength will bring us through it. We should focus no on when we have to say goodbye, but on when get to say "Hi" again.

I know me its particularly hard because according to the love language test I score highest in touch. Whether that be holding hands or something like sex. Its what my language is. So being apart for a year will be a bit harder. I may seriously have a picture of her put onto a body pillow or blanket. Sounds cheesy but I would enjoy it.

I just thank God we were able to extend our honeymoon from 14 hours to 7 days. Lots of private time to bond and be together. Ever since I had premarital sex years ago with an exfiance I've dreamed of the day I could please God by showing him I could remain pure with my future wife. And then obviously consummate (?) the wedding without sin. My fiance being a pastors daughter it feels good knowing she has accepted me as her son and trusts me wit her daughter.

I promised to always lead my fiance down the right path towards God.

 

[farmgal09]

XFreak, it DOES get better! Only because, as was posted earlier, you have to do things to remind yourself that there is an end to it. There is hope! My hubby and I had to do the same thing when we got married. Because there was still a custody issue going on with me and my ex about our children which prevented me from leaving the state, I could not move to be with my husband after the honeymoon. So we spent 2 glorious weeks together, then he had to head back home We spent only 2 1/2 months apart, and granted we did not live as far apart as you and your fiance do, (only 174 miles), so we were able to spend some weekends together in between while waiting for the judge to grant my move. It was tough, but we had faith that God would see us through!
Also, I had a thought... do you know anyone who is a spouse of a deployed soldier? It may be helpful for you to talk to them to see what they had done to help pass the time and maintain a connection to their spouse. Military couples are often separated anywhere from 9 months to 14 months at a time, so that may be a helpful source for you!

 

[SilkRainn]

Are there other options? Like you staying over there for a time, or her finding a work visa here?

Best of luck!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I have no idea what to tell you. We were just talking yesterday about how hard it would be to be apart. The longest we have been apart after getting married has been two weeks, and that did not go well. I would be devastated to be away from my husband for a year. Praying for you guys.

 

[LinkH]

I hear of people taking their social security and even medicade and collecting their benefits in the Philippines where they can live like kings because the dollar goes much further there. I'd love to do something like that. I'm thinking about moving the family back to Indonesia, not just because of the costs, though that is a side benefit.

 

[Inkachu]

Move to the Philippines for a year.

Or save your pennies and visit her whenever you can.

Keep a countdown calendar.

Send lots of cards back and forth, gifts, pictures, etc.

"Celebrate" special days like birthdays and holidays with cards, gifts, phone calls, or video chats.

I've never been away from my husband for more than 24 hours since we married. I can't sleep without him next to me. I'd be a wreck without him for any longer than a day. We faced a similar situation while we were courting; he lived 1500 miles away. He visited me once or twice a month until we both decided we just couldn't take it anymore, and he moved here; we were married several months later. He survived on almost nothing for about five months before finding an incredible job that only God could have provided. It was extremely hard to survive, but we did.