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How do you deal with a broken heart?

Discussion in 'MILLENNIALS (1981 to 1998)' started by aloneinafrica, Mar 17, 2018.

  1. aloneinafrica

    aloneinafrica Proudly South-African

    South Africa
    I'm now 33, female, and recently got my heart broken all over again, after what started off as one of the most amazing weeks of my life earlier this month.

    My landlady has three children; I only knew of the two, and the third is not at home much due to job obligations. He recently came to visit his mother for a week, and I was instantly smitten by this charming, handsome, and polite man, not much older than myself, and quite single according to his unadorned left wedding ring and family of mine who knows him.

    He was extremely helpful and nice, fixing things about my apartment that were broken, going out of his way to not inconvenience me as the family did their things around the house. It wasn't even three days into the acquaintanceship that one morning he awkwardly approached me and blurted out how thankful he is for my living here on the premises; his dad passed away two years ago and his mother's mainly been living by herself, with angst-inducing tenant after tenant in the apartment. I may have my issues, but at least I keep to myself, I lock up properly, and I disturb nobody; and that is what he was so thankful for, saying that now his mother doesn't feel as lonely as she used to and can sleep better at night with a reliable person right next door.

    I took his number from his mother for when she was not home that week and urgently needed me to relay a message to him. I was sure I could sense a mutual attraction and as I said, he was nothing but charming, considerate, and thankful.

    Then he left about two weeks ago and we didn't get the chance for a formal/proper goodbye as I was asleep and he had to leave town very early to avoid heavy traffic. He sent me a text a day or so later again thanking me for being good to his mother and stating that he'll see me in two months. (E.g, May - that's when his next break from work, in a different locale, is.)

    He texted a couple times more to ask how things are, and for a few days we texted back and forth mainly about my pets (a cat and a rabbit, which he finds incredibly amusing). And when I had a minor crisis about the apartment, he promised to send his brother, who is a local, to help out as soon as possible, and the matter was cleared up that same afternoon.

    And then... *poof* He went silent and seems to have undergone a personality change. I texted him a simple "Hey, just wondering how things are?" after a week of no talking, and his only reply was, "Good, thank you", and since then he's been MIA.

    I don't get it. I can recall every word of every text I sent; I said absolutely nothing offensive, and I can't imagine his mother would have complained to him about me in any way (she and I are on good terms and I've not been in trouble once since I've been living here since last December), nor that he would've heard anything off-putting about me. He barely knows me, my past, who my friends are, what I'm up to on a daily basis, etc.

    It's really, really hurtful. The person I met and knew for a week and the person he has suddenly changed into = two TOTALLY different personas.

    I'm not going to risk compromising my living arrangements by asking him via text if anything's wrong; it's only words on a cellphone screen that could be misinterpreted and possibly lead to a fight, and I'm already hypersensitive enough without having to face a stinging rejection or, worse, even more silence.

    My only conclusions can be this: He doesn't want to be ruled by his emotions while he's unable to be here physically, so maybe he'll open up again in May, but in the meantime it's breaking my heart to be ignored and brushed off like I did something awful. Secondly, he actually does have someone in his life already and feels too awkward to tell me outright, "Hey, thanks for everything, but I'm dating someone, so maybe this isn't appropriate". Still, he should have the courage to put me in the clear, right?

    Third, maybe I've encountered yet another two-faced jerk, apologies for my language. But yet another guy who's too chicken to act on his feelings or to at least be honest about his lack thereof.

    I didn't see this sort of behaviour coming and I'm so hurt that I often cry about it and I wish I'd never met him to begin with. If it was at all within my means - financially, practically, etc - I'd leave this apartment and all these people behind, find a place with the same rent and benefits, and move on. But I'm stuck while waiting for some inheritance money to come loose and a job (been applying all over the place, but nothing.)

    I don't know how to deal with this, quite frankly. I do pray, of course, and I shall attend Church tomorrow and listen quietly for answers; but I don't know where in Scripture I can find comfort for this particular situation. Where I was nice and kind and friendly and suddenly the other person is, inexplicably, being a monster.

    I already deal with depression and anxiety, unmedicated most of the time due to financial reasons; when this guy came around and seemed so stereotypically "the one", my whole psyche lifted and I felt comforted (I lost both my parents last year and I have no close relatives other than my adoptive sister who's not an empathetic person but will always help out practically). Now I'm back in that dark place that's a struggle to get out of. I have nobody to talk to and SO much sadness and anger to deal with.

    Any advice... any prayer... any insight... please.

    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. salt-n-light

    salt-n-light Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    Consider that all this have been happening in such a short span, its best to not start off things with high expectations. He is human, sorting himself out like you are.He is fallable, just like you. Even at our best, doesn't guarantee satisfaction, joy, peace, the things your soul actually seeks security from. It will never come from man. From my end, don't jump to conclusions, and give him time. In the meantime, keep your eyes on God and in the things of God.

    I had similar problems where I become too emotionally involved with a person, too easily, and I don't give me or the other person room to sort things out and let things play out. I come in with too high of expectations and if they don't live up to it, I easily fall into a hole. Let that intense need of intimacy be reserved for God, and let the affections of that guy just be an added bonus to your life.

    It can easily make him (and relationships in the future) become idolized in your heart. To the point where the guy is more present than God. Catch yourself when that happens and pray about it. Pray for the guy, and pray for yourself. Ask God how to best deal with your emotions, why its there, how to have peace in this situation. And pray to be a blessing to someone out there, who may be going through what you're feeling now. Ultimately we are here to bring others to Christ and have God's glory be shown, don't lose sight of that.

    Philippians 4:4-9 King James Version (KJV)
    4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

    5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

    6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

    7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

    8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

    9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
  3. R. Hartono

    R. Hartono Well-Known Member

    Take it easy, give him a guitar and he'll sing "Edelweiss"
  4. Serving Zion

    Serving Zion Seek First His Kingdom & Righteousness

    Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
    Philippians 4:6-7

    If he has lost his holy spirit, it doesn't necessarily mean that you caused it (James 1:14-15).

    The destroyer works to isolate him from every opportunity that The Holy Spirit may have to redeem him (Proverbs 5:22-23, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Galatians 6:1, John 15:3, 1 Corinthians 15:33).

    It sounds as though you are one such instrument (1 John 4:7, 1 John 4:16), though it is a potential threat to your own security too (Proverbs 17:22, John 10:10).
  5. aloneinafrica

    aloneinafrica Proudly South-African

    South Africa
    This did make me laugh, thank you! :D
  6. AlexDTX

    AlexDTX Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Prov. 13:12

    Your heart is broken because your hope was deferred. Your hope has been misplaced.

    Psa 31:24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.
    Jer 17:7 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

    We all sense desperation in others. Your desire to marry creates separation from others and interferes with building relationships. Everyone wants to feel that they are always free. Wisdom grants freedom.

    Pro 18:1 Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom.
  7. AlexDTX

    AlexDTX Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    If I may speak further. Being a disciple of Christ means dying to self. Dying to self simply means dying to your wants and desires knowing that God already knows your wants and desires and will give you those things when the time is right.

    Mat_6:8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

    The order of creation serves to illustrate the point. In 6 days He made all things in this order.
    1. Light and darkness
    2. Sky and water
    3. Dry land and vegetation
    4. Sun and stars to mark time
    5. Fish and fowl
    6. Animals and man.
    Do you see how God made the provision first and life second?
    Be patient and trust the Lord's good time.
  8. S.O.J.I.A.

    S.O.J.I.A. Dynamic UNO

    United States
    Christian Seeker
    clearly you assumed something that wasn't really there. you mistook kindness for romantic interest.
  9. Ronit

    Ronit Active Member

    United States
    I hate charming! Charm is deceitful!