And God? What about Him? Where have you put Him in your life? Anywhere?
You were made by God for His purposes, not yours. Are you living in the light of this fact, seeking out and fulfilling His will - which, more often than not, happens quite apart from monasteries?
Friend, you need to sort things out with God before anything else. He made you to have Him at the center of your life. He's supposed to be the Hub around which you revolve, the Boss of your life. Is He? It doesn't sound like it. But until He is, you'll just continue to scramble around, grasping at any option that seems in the moment to be an escape from the trouble that fills a life lived apart from God.
Well,about God. He never helped me with anything in life. I had to deal with every problem myself.
For example,in highschool I had to learn for a promotional exam and I had to choose science(biology,chemistry or physics as a subject. In this subject I choosed physics and I had no idea about mechanical or electrical phenomens. I had to search the internet about some things about forces,diagrams,electrical circuits and I felt desperate because no one in my family knew something about science.
In school I was very stupid and my IQ was reduced to a thinking level of a rabbit. I was parallel with the science subjects(except english) and I barelly passed my math tests. I used the internet as a source of searching and not God,Satan or other beings.
As a child I had a vision of my father who laughed of me like a demon who takes pleasure in the suffering of others and I cried a lot in the 2nd grade. Only my mother was the one who accepted me and cared for me,not God,Satan or other beings.
There was another person who helped me do something with my life,an aunt from Greece and she helped me to discover myself as a person. She didn't have a school and she was just a cook.
Because of her my intelligence grew,not because of prayer God,Satan or other beings.
I was very jealous of my colleagues who had a higher intelligence than mine.
In 2017 I went to a project for electricians and in that project only 4 people were prepared for life,they knew how to make circuits,how to connect cables,how to use tools,my parents were too stupid and I had to handle everything on my own. I couldn't and I had to create lies,manipulations,conflicts and other things which were not so useful.
The participants were knowledgeless and only 2 or 3 participants knew what they had to do. In the last part we had to build an electric hub and I had no idea how to build it. No one helped me. Most of them were quite hostile if you lied to them and the volunteers instead of helping us reach our potential they told us that if we don't do what they say they will lock us in a psychiatric hospital or worse.
After that project I developed a mental breakdown and I could no longer function. I was stressed,forced by my parents to learn every subject in highschool and I couldn't take it anymore.
After seeing that I had suicidal thoughts in 2018 my parents decided to lock me in a psychiatric hospital with the police being their partner.The police officers were very cruel and very hostile towards me. I had pain in the stomach and I couldn't breath because of the stress that I've been through.
I don't know if Jesus was in a better position than me but at least he had a father who cared about him while my father was a complete douchebag,a loser who worked in the bar and sold alcohol to other people,he used his money to buy alcohol from a military police officer(gendarmerie).
If my father was like Jesus maybe my situation would be different.
