How do you approach those you disagree with?

[daveleau]

How do you approach others that you disagree with? Do you go on the offensive as a reflex? Do you discuss things even-handedly? Do you act passively and try to avoid conflict?

Which did Jesus do?

I try to discuss things and be humble in my responses. I believe that is the right thing to do, but it can often be hard. It is something that I have to work on constantly. Often, I will catch myself saying things in an aggressive way. I am EXTREMELY laid back and it is not normal for me to act in this way. But, it seems the more I learn on a topic or the more I have thought about a topic or the emotional ties I have to a topic- the more I tend to break the norm and say things in a curt way, or at least in a way that I feel comes on too strongly. I am not an opinionated person, normally, but I find myself having to restrain my statements when I get into debate either online or in person. I think this is of utmost importance, because I think this is what God wants. Jesus showed us how to act. The vast majority of the people He spoke with that were in sin were spoken to with kindness. Very rarely did He speak curtly. Only when He knew a person's heart was too hard or the act was heinous did He speak sternly in discussions. I think we often key too much on the stern times and disregard the 90% of the time when Christ spoke kindly to affect change. It is a continual process for me, as I have to really work to speak kindly and lovingly to people with ideas that are very different from my own. Our witness suffers whenever we speak curtly or out of anger or with a holier-than-thou attitude. Then, our entire purpose on earth is lost (witnessing and affecting positive change in others by bringing them into a close relationship with God.)

I felt led to say this, not because of any given happening here, but simply because I have witnessed myself restraining myself more often recently. We should always treat others with love- and very rarely does it take tough love to get our points across. Most of the time, a kind word will go a lot farther than a correct word spoken with a crushing force of attitude and judgment. Please think of that the next time you are in a discussion/ debate with people of other beliefs, whether religious in nature or not.

God bless and have a great weekend.
Dave

 

[seebs]

In the flesh? Shred their position aggressively, mock it, use object lessons... And then start getting into more detail.

I've been learning a lot of meekness in the last few years.

 

[aReformedPatriot]

How do you approach others that you disagree with? Do you go on the offensive as a reflex? Do you discuss things even-handedly? Do you act passively and try to avoid conflict?

Which did Jesus do?

I try to discuss things and be humble in my responses. I believe that is the right thing to do, but it can often be hard. It is something that I have to work on constantly. Often, I will catch myself saying things in an aggressive way. I am EXTREMELY laid back and it is not normal for me to act in this way. But, it seems the more I learn on a topic or the more I have thought about a topic or the emotional ties I have to a topic- the more I tend to break the norm and say things in a curt way, or at least in a way that I feel comes on too strongly. I am not an opinionated person, normally, but I find myself having to restrain my statements when I get into debate either online or in person. I think this is of utmost importance, because I think this is what God wants. Jesus showed us how to act. The vast majority of the people He spoke with that were in sin were spoken to with kindness. Very rarely did He speak curtly. Only when He knew a person's heart was too hard or the act was heinous did He speak sternly in discussions. I think we often key too much on the stern times and disregard the 90% of the time when Christ spoke kindly to affect change. It is a continual process for me, as I have to really work to speak kindly and lovingly to people with ideas that are very different from my own. Our witness suffers whenever we speak curtly or out of anger or with a holier-than-thou attitude. Then, our entire purpose on earth is lost (witnessing and affecting positive change in others by bringing them into a close relationship with God.)

I felt led to say this, not because of any given happening here, but simply because I have witnessed myself restraining myself more often recently. We should always treat others with love- and very rarely does it take tough love to get our points across. Most of the time, a kind word will go a lot farther than a correct word spoken with a crushing force of attitude and judgment. Please think of that the next time you are in a discussion/ debate with people of other beliefs, whether religious in nature or not.

God bless and have a great weekend.
Dave

Dave, good to see you buddy. I havent seen you around lately. I think its best to speak with love while not being wimpy in your views.

 

[SonOfThunder]

When I was being shown differences it was only those that showed me Scripture in a loving humble way that broke through. For me it wasn't the complex trinity but other simple truths that started the ball rolling.

Once a seed of doubt has been sown combined with prayer. The door is half open.

I dont think many of us warm to those that shout their point of view or do it in such a way that pressure rather than The Holy Spirit works in a person.


Just my opinion

James

 

[Velcro]

Love that old saying: Make sure your words are sweet -- you never know when you may have to eat them.

 

[Gold Dragon]

Great post dave!

 

[daveleau]

Dave, good to see you buddy. I havent seen you around lately. I think its best to speak with love while not being wimpy in your views.

Good to see you, TLE and congrats! I've been deployed for the past month.

 

[aReformedPatriot]

Good to see you, TLE and congrats! I've been deployed for the past month.

Thank You.

Sounds like an adventure, stay safe whereever your at.

 

[Crazy Liz]

Thanks, Dave.

 

[Conservative Mennonite]

I tend to overload people with tons of information on the particular subject. I like information, and I tend to find as much as possible on a particular subject before coming to a solid conclusion. Because I am geared that way, I tend to present information to people in the same manner. But, I must be one out of a thousand, 'cause most don't care to listen to all of it.

 

[Sword-In-Hand]

Mostly, I try to get my point across so much, that I tend not to listen to the other person and forget half of what they say. I'm trying get better at this, because sometimes these discussions really make me want to lose my Christ like attitude.

 

[SteveR2021]

I think we all can get emotionally involved in debate...two principles must be kept in mind: love and humility - of course they are linked.

I do think we forget this sometimes in our zeal to defend what we see as truth (myself included).

I personally must say that I have been disappointed by tone with which many posts are written on this forum...at the same time there are many who are very gentle. I know I will disagree with everyone at some time or another but it is so very important that I not attack those i am writing to. Sometimes, in our zeal, we can be unthoughtful.

I hope that all of us can grow in humility.

Thanks for the thread.

 

[Cright]

I, like Son of Thunder, didn't receive harsh words well. I didn't let them get me angry, I just would automatically believe they must be wrong.

On the otherhand, when someone pointed out something to me I haden't really paid much attention to before, and let me mull it over I was likely to approach those people again. Getting new bits of information each week or so when I saw them.

Some of the main "big" issues to me that led me to the right path were more simple things.. learning that Jesus "came up out of the water" when he was baptized. Learning that some things I THOUGHT were in the bible wern't ect.


So, yesterday I was at church and the Pastor said something I disagreed with. So after church, I waited til the crowds were gone and approached him. He ended up agreeing with me. It was a subject that I do have quite a bit of knowledge on. He asked me if in the future he could use me as a resource.

I told him I had either misunderstood him or disagreed with him, then proceded with the statement he made. Then made a clairification of what I believe. He listed (he's a good listener) and then stated where he was coming from, and how it conflicted, then agreed with me.

If he haden't agreed with me, I wouldn't be mad at him, at least I learned where he got the idea from ect.. it was something that was non-essential to salvation or the gospel message in and of itself, so I could have agreed to disagree if I had to. I'm glad I didn't though.

 

[Warren Peace]

Q: How do you approach those you disagree with?

A: With humility.

If you want people to respect you, your knowledge, your experiences, your religious beliefs, etc., then you must be respectful even when you "know" someone is wrong.

Remember, Jesus didn't have an accusatory manner, and He did not condemn people when He knew they were wrong. Considering He is the all-knowing, He had every right to accuse and condemn anyone He wanted to, but He chose the humble approach in order to bring the truth into light.

As Christians, we are mere humans who are not all-knowing, therefore even when we "know" we are right, we can still be wrong. Our peers expect us, and moreover God commands us, to take Jesus' example in everything that we do. Therefore, instead of pointing fingers and accusing someone of being wrong, share the truth with them and let them decide to accept or reject it. God expects nothing more than that from us.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins because He knew that this was the only way to save us from them. He could have accused and condemned each and every one of us for every sin, but instead He chose to die for our sins. He took the most extreme humble approach to bring out the truth that we are sinners, and the net result is that we are all saved from our sins. The least we can do is be humble to others who we disagree with.



Blessings...

 

[rebel_conservative]

Q - How do you approach those you disagree with?
A - quietly, from behind, with a big stick...

seriously though, I think it is best to make it clear that you respect the other person, make it clear you are having a discussion - not an argument. be calm and persuasive, don't dismiss their arguments, but prove them to be silly or incorrect or logically flawed. most importantly, don't get into a discussion unless you are able to back up your own position!

 

[Terri]

Q - How do you approach those you disagree with?
A - quietly, from behind, with a big stick...

I have found this to be the best way too!

 

[Warren Peace]

I think a lead pipe is more effective - less chance of breakage

 

[Sweet Pea]

Good post daveleau

 

[Flynmonkie]

Dave, just an awesome post. God has been taking me on quite a learning process about just this very subject. (About a year now) I can honestly say that coming to this site helped me to understand many things about how different each of us as Christians feel comfortable showing our faith. I belong to another group that seems to constantly be in conflict. We have one whom is extremely educated, but not emotional. One whom is emotional (almost charismatic) and one whom is a Calvinist. Whew! Things get pretty tense. The way I handle differences is first of all remembering all the ways I “used” to think before I studied or prayed more about it. And when I see someone whom feels differently than I – I know fully in my heart that God is in control of that person’s path of learning. Sometimes yes, I feel burdened with telling them my thoughts. But I try as hard as I may to find that right timing to discuss. I try so very hard to view people as I believe God views them, that is one of the hardest things to do – but not when you pray for this assistance. I could go on and on about my views on this topic…but I don’t wish to bore everyone.

Don’t get me wrong…. I have been compared to Moses at times; one of my struggles is anger toward Christian’s mistreatment of other Christians. During this time I try and remember not to let anger lead me to sin and I am constantly praying “Ok God, I surely do not want to miss the promised land! (If your not familiar with the story Moses anger and outbursts is most likely what caused him NOT to see the promised land – not that he lost salvation in my eyes – but suffered the consequences of disobedience)

Anyway, as I mentioned recently I have been really perplexed about the way my group is getting on with each other. To the point that they went beyond belittling each others perspectives to tearing each other down ----- I had to walk away – before I became angry – that sinful kind! Needless to say, when I feel this coming on – I pray…. So that is what happened recently. I prayed that God would help me to find the right words to explain what I felt about Christians and their attitude toward each other. That when they argue and divide -- Satan is having a field day. We HAVE to recognize this as a weak spot that Satan can use against us! How do I explain this with my meager knowledge of putting thought on paper efficiently…. And He, as usual, answered me…these are the words He most generously gave me…. as I walked into church the next day this was the sermon. I thought I might share here…..

Belonging together.....

Recently there have been a few disruptions here. It really hurt and perplexed me because, although I know that as Christians we might not always agree, I believe we should stick together and work through it. This was my hope for us. Amongst many other things.....learn how to effectively deal with disagreements as Christians. We are all on different learning paths...because of this....we are knowledgeable in some areas - not others....as we grow. And sanctification happens.....we gain more knowledge. Each of us at our own rate. Each one of us with our own special gifts. This creates different perspectives. And sometimes disagreements.

We as Christians have a special connection, I am not sure if your aware of this. For those that profess and believe in Christ Jesus’ blood being sufficient for sins past present and future. And only through His blood we find redemption. We become a part of The Body of Christ. The Body of Christ has a special bond to each other - a belonging together -through Christ. How does the Bible tell us to foster this when building relationships? Here are some points to think about.

A selfish attitude destroys relationships​

Phil 2:3
3Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.

James 4:1
1What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Isn't it the whole army of evil desires at war within you?

An attitude of unselfishness develops relationships​

Phil 2:44
Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.

An attitude of Disrespect destroys relationships​

Proverbs 15:4
4Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

An attitude of Respect develops relationships​

1 Peter 2:17
17Show respect for everyone. Love your Christian brothers and sisters.[a] Fear God. Show respect for the king.

* This verse is highly interesting 4 points to really study but the last part that says Show respect for your king...At this time it was Nero - (Foxes book of martyrs) A horrid wicked man. Yet the Bible says show respect!!!!IOW no matter how disgusting or mean you are treated. Show respect....very deep thought on this one

Romans 12:10
10Love each other with genuine affection,[a] and take delight in honoring each other.

*How Christians should act toward one another!

An angry attitude destroys relationships​

Ephesians 4:26-27
26And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you."[a] Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.
Do not let anger cause you to loose one of the most important fruits of the spirit – self control!

An attitude of forgiveness’ develops relationships​

Col 3:13
13You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Make allowance for each others faults! AND FORGIVE! Lest we not be forgiven!

Proverbs 19:11
11People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs.

We earn esteem by overlooking wrongs!!

So how do you feel that these things are working in your life?

 

[daveleau]

Wow. Great post, flynmonkie.