How do we get our lives back after a child's death?

[shoshanarose]

I buried my son, Matthew Robert, this past Friday. He was 7.5 oz and 9 inches and perfect and beautiful in every way. My grief is so deep that I don't even think I am over the shock of it all...It is opening unresolved issues for my husband and it has been very hard to even talk about it...we grieve differently.

I am starting this new thread to open discussion about our loss...it is real and we need to grieve and begin the healing process of getting our lives back. I feel that I not only lost a child, my youngest son, but I have lost part of myself... lost a large part of my life...forever.

How do we go on from here?

Peace to you

 

[BBgrey]

I am so sorry for your loss.

After both of my miscarriages, I felt like I had lost a great part of myself. Other people who haven't had that experience never seem to understand. They can understand the disappointment but not the sense of loss. When you find out you are pregnant, your mind and heart change into the mind and heart of a mother through pregnancy. Even though you lose a child, you can't go back to who you were. I tried. It isn't possible. You are still a mother even though you have no child.

I found it was best to have things around my home to remember the little ones I lost. I cried a lot. It personally helped me to sketch pictures that demonstrated how I felt or what I had lost. Even though I'm 9 months pregnant now, I still weep every now and then over the babies I lost so many months ago. Being pregnant again has helped in that the sense of motherhood I developed has a place to express itself again. However, I have had a lot of anxiety and trust issues with God throughout the pregnancy.

Pray for yourself for comfort. I specifically asked God to comfort me with dreams while I slept, and he did. Most of my spiritual healing through this tough time has been while I've been asleep.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Peace to you.
bbgrey

 

[shoshanarose]

BBgrey- Thank you for sharing about your losses and the grief process...I am so sorry for your losses and so thrilled for your pregnancy now.

May you have a swift and healthy delivery and recovery. May your child be healthy and filled with much joy and hope. May all your dreams of motherhood be fulfilled and may you be blessed richly in all these things.
May God bless you and keep you and your family in His care.

I expect the loss of our son to change me forever... hopefully in a good way...I just can't see what any outcome at this time...the uncertainty has certainly changed my perspective on everything.

We have an "In Memory" framed record of his footprints and info from the hospital. We will display it as a memorial to his life, however short. We have also buried and had funeral for him which I am told helps with the grief process...

Truthfully, words have not come to me in order to pray... I have just laid out my heart before God and "fallen upon His grace" for healing...I feel that I have been comforted much; we have had much support and I really feel that the comfort that I have been given has allowed others to minister to me at this time. I have always been the one who comforts others at these times...I am now on the receiving end. I am blessed...

Thanks for your prayers...You will be in mine also... please PM me with your delivery info...I will be rejoicing and praising God with you.

 

[BigToe]

You most certainly have lost something and it isn't something you can just push under a rug and forget about. The grief process still stands for what you have lost and you deserve to give yourself credit for it. *snuggles*

 

[RoseofLima]

I am so sorry for the loss of Matthew... there is nothing I can say that will make the hurt go away- but you can always PM me if you want and tell me all about your little boy Know that my prayers are yours...

 

[shoshanarose]

thank you Rose...there are other matters that are making my recovery more tedious, my journey longer...

1) my husband may have PTSD/DID (post traumatic stress and poss dissociative identity disorders) from trauma and abuse in his past...this was revealing itself before we got pregnant and I knew at that time that it would play into the pregnancy...but then we delivered Matthew Robert stillborn. Then he has a control issue with me that has really reared its very ugly head, obsessive compulsive (sorry for all the technical terms, I know that some Christians "don't believe" in science but I believe that science helps a little to explain the vastness and wonder of God and His creatures and creations)
2) I think that I may have PPD (post partum depression) or at least having an awful time adjusting and getting my first period after delivery.
3) other personal factors from loss- loss of hope and purpose, hopefully just temporary
4) 2 children at home, family and friends, professional chorale (starting singing again this past Monday), full time work-will be returning on Thursday...trying to "get back into my life"

Getting counseling and doing all I can for myself and my dh and kids...I so appreciate the prayers and the concern...thanks for listening.

Blessings in Christ Jesus to you and yours,

 

[llghoney]

and to you!!

 

[shoshanarose]

Thank you Ilghoney...
and back to you...
We are coming up upon the edd; Sept 27th when Matthew was "due"...my period this month is crampier, etc...Life seems harder, the steps seem more tiresome, my tears seem saltier and I don't know whether the sun is shining or it is raining outside. Life is going on.

My life has taken a turn since I last posted; my father had Colon CA surgery June 9th spent time in the hospital and rehab until August 9th, my husband and I relocated our family so we could take mom and dad in with us. Mom stayed with us while dad was in the hospital.

I began singing again, which is a good sign. I sang in 2 Requiems (appropos isn't it?) in August before and after we moved our home.Just venting and rambling I suppose; I have seen 2 movies about Heaven (or 3 or 4 in the past few months) and I understand how one can "long for home" especially when we have a child waiting for us...

Thanks for listening...
Love and hugs...

 

[327]

I buried my son, Matthew Robert, this past Friday. He was 7.5 oz and 9 inches and perfect and beautiful in every way. My grief is so deep that I don't even think I am over the shock of it all...It is opening unresolved issues for my husband and it has been very hard to even talk about it...we grieve differently.

I am starting this new thread to open discussion about our loss...it is real and we need to grieve and begin the healing process of getting our lives back. I feel that I not only lost a child, my youngest son, but I have lost part of myself... lost a large part of my life...forever.

How do we go on from here?

Peace to you

I am sorry for all of your loses. Unfortunately I only enjoyed being pregnant for a month to five weeks. I am what they call damage goods because I was very promiscuous when I was young. Also I am on blood pressure medication (not for long) because I need to lose an additional 80lbs. I knew that the baby couldn’t survive but I held on to my faith. I watch a documentary about being pregnant and etc. Once I found out within a few weeks of being pregnant your baby personality, the way her or she looks, and etc are created I cried. It was so beautiful being pregnant, I loved it. I knew the day it happened.
Well, I cried about it but when I thought about this world...and what its going to become. I am happy my baby is in heaven. Right before I was going to break down. The Lord said that my baby was not dead and I will get him back. Even though he/she is dead in this world, I know the day we will see our Lord I will see my child.
I am actually happy about it now. This might seem selfish but I don't believe so. I am a god mother and I am very prayerful over my god babies. When I see them, I am happy that I can show my love to them. If the Lord wants me to have children, I am sure I will have them.
I am happy that my baby is in peace of stead in this world surrounded by darkness....

 

[llghoney]

For each of us grieving is different. I know it has taken me over a year & 1/2 to even get to where I can want to start trying again. I hope & pray that you can get back to a somewhat normal life. We will never forget our babies we can only celebrate that they are in Heaven now. I pray your family situation gets better as well. &

 

[VioletLady]

Thank you Ilghoney...
and back to you...
We are coming up upon the edd; Sept 27th when Matthew was "due"...my period this month is crampier, etc...Life seems harder, the steps seem more tiresome, my tears seem saltier and I don't know whether the sun is shining or it is raining outside. Life is going on.

My life has taken a turn since I last posted; my father had Colon CA surgery June 9th spent time in the hospital and rehab until August 9th, my husband and I relocated our family so we could take mom and dad in with us. Mom stayed with us while dad was in the hospital.

I began singing again, which is a good sign. I sang in 2 Requiems (appropos isn't it?) in August before and after we moved our home.Just venting and rambling I suppose; I have seen 2 movies about Heaven (or 3 or 4 in the past few months) and I understand how one can "long for home" especially when we have a child waiting for us...

Thanks for listening...
Love and hugs...

How are you today hon?