How do ppl react to...?

[SumMer87]

I have had not a few bumps in the road, but one after the other after the other..

Most of you on here, even if you are seeking treatment, seem hopeful, even optomistic..
That is encouraging to see, and that used to be me.
That is, until every friendship failed, I can go back to and see it was the stigma of mental illness that lead to our friendship ending. I won't go into all the details, but I was hospitalized, and after that, is when my best friend from childhood thru highschool showed her true colors..
Then when my parents made me transfer schools so I would be closer to them, my (closest) friend here (who was close but we had only known eachother like a year before this), betrayed me, falsely accused me, come to find out, she knows about my mental health history.
It's like this "label" changes everything.

So mainly, what I am looking for from you, is, who do you tell??
Many of you have families. I am a single girl going to school and working part time. Did your husbands/wives know about this illness before they met you? Do you tell close friends?

Many of my friends knew because they knew I was hospitalized. That one ex-best friend is the only one, thankfully, I still had friends who stuck by me when i was hospitalized and they cared about me. Those are the ones who i surround myself with, because the other ones don't want to understand. They related to me as friends do, I seemed "normal" to them before, and it scares them this happened.. its like.. we all have brains right? It scares them that it really can happen to anyone. What they don't get is i AM still normal- whatever that means. I havent completely changed..

At first, my family was very understanding. They kind of felt bad for me, I could tell, which I didnt like. But at least they weren't judgemental.. or i thought. Because after the most current blow out with my friend. And just thing after the next, they start blaming my problems on ME, for my illness. They don't get, that i have these problems BECAUSE of the LABEL, not the illness itself.

I can't trust my own psychiatrist. He went behind my back and changed my diagnosis, i find this out only from another doctor's office.
I was telling him why i have been angry lately, because of my friend who was pretending to be friends and then she goes around spreading to every mutual friend we have that i have a mental health history (when she has told me things from her past im surrrre she would not wanting repeating- her past isn't so crystal clear for her to be smearing my credibility)
Well, I was explaining this story, and yeah, I started crying, because it was rehashing hurtful experiences.. And he was like, see... you were all fine before when you came in the office (Come on, he asked me what i was doing for the holidays and about Santa!! Yeah, i can talk about light hearted things- so what) and then, now you are crying (yeah who wouldnt, what does that have to do with it)
He perscribed me medicine and said, "these are for the tears..."
as anyone else buying that? He's changing my diagnosis because i'm crying?


Basically, i just would like to know who you tell, how they feel about it, how it alters relationships - if at all...

The hospital was pretty traumatic, but after it, I just looked forward to recovering and moving on with my life.. meeting new people.

I have a hard time (first time in my life) with TRUST... mainly due to this illness.

Once your sanity is questioned, its like all they see of you is, you have no credibility, and all they see is "mental illness person"

But that ex friend of mine, what she is capable is more "insane" than any kind of mental illness. Psychitrists may not be able to diagnose her with anything. But her destructiveness is beyond a mental hospital honestly. You dont have to have diagnosed illness to be a toxic person.

I am at a loss. I have never felt so much like a fish out of water in my life.
Yes, I have a therapist, who, though he does not say things I want to hear all the time, I can tell him anything and i trust him.. he has been some one steady in my life i can rely on for advice. He has never cried (i've been seeing him for 2 years) and he did last time. And i think he was so upset at my psych. doc. he said the F word. lol. It sounded like it, but anyway he was very very upset. I do have people to talk to. But mainly, wanted to know for other people with mental illness, what its like..?
I don't feel like this is some part of my life i should be ashamed of. And didnt, until like i said, every relationship that has gone down the toilet- blame, false accusations- all goes back to the "mental illness."

by the way, i had med. for an entire year. And was off it for 6 months with no problems. They are not sure what i have.. the first diagnosis was attentative and they have eliminated that as symptoms have not resurfaced.

what are your thoughts, advice, experiences?

 

[Soulwings]

My husband knows about my bipolar and other dxes. So do my close friends. I'm pretty open about them; I have not had any problems with people ditching me because of the stigma attached, and I would like to think that I would be able to believe that they weren't worth my time if that did happen. No doubt it would hurt like hell, but I hope that I would get over it. Not putting you down at all - what you've been through sounds perfectly awful, and I'm not sure if I could hold up under all of that. I'm so sorry to hear about all that's happened to you.

I don't think that mental illness - any mental illness - should be something to be ashamed of. It's just part of who you are, who I am, who many people are. Yes, it's a label, but I think that people who have never had an issue with mental illness, never dealt with anyone with it, have a very distorted view of it and think of us all as "crazies." I don't know, though... as I have said, I have had a very understanding set of friends, and have been blessed with finding people and making friends with people with mental illness everywhere I go. (Well, I have been hospitalized multiple times and have made lasting friends there, so that's part of the problem solved right there, heh.)

Am I making any sense?? I have more thoughts but I can't get them to be coherent and cohesive right now - I'll post back when I can organize them better.

 

[SumMer87]

My husband knows about my bipolar and other dxes. So do my close friends. I'm pretty open about them; I have not had any problems with people ditching me because of the stigma attached, and I would like to think that I would be able to believe that they weren't worth my time if that did happen. No doubt it would hurt like hell, but I hope that I would get over it. Not putting you down at all - what you've been through sounds perfectly awful, and I'm not sure if I could hold up under all of that. I'm so sorry to hear about all that's happened to you.

I don't think that mental illness - any mental illness - should be something to be ashamed of. It's just part of who you are, who I am, who many people are. Yes, it's a label, but I think that people who have never had an issue with mental illness, never dealt with anyone with it, have a very distorted view of it and think of us all as "crazies." I don't know, though... as I have said, I have had a very understanding set of friends, and have been blessed with finding people and making friends with people with mental illness everywhere I go. (Well, I have been hospitalized multiple times and have made lasting friends there, so that's part of the problem solved right there, heh.)

Am I making any sense?? I have more thoughts but I can't get them to be coherent and cohesive right now - I'll post back when I can organize them better.

Thank you for sharing, and you didn't make me feel put down in any way. I feel the same way.. I know for a fact they aren't worth my time. It was a very situational thing. My best friend from high school and i were friends for popularity and before the hospitalization, i said some things i shouldnt have. She didnt seem all too hurt, though having been myself, i would not have said those things (maybe just think it- wink) but she fired right back..not like we couldnt talk it out.. She got married soon after, and did not put me in her party. She has hounded me about remaining friends. But i agree with my therapist, I don't owe her an explanation for not going to her wedding. Though i was invited, you dont just send an invite to your best friend. You put them in your party. Text after email, after she and her mom have both called me, I have had up to here with the fake "reaching out" ... its her way to put off the guilt she should be feeling for how she treated her best friend. She emailed me not too long ago, saying, I will be anxiously awaiting your reply!
I said, I really have no idea why you are trying to stay in touch. Please stop.
Then she argues its not what "she wants" but she will pray I change my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh for crying out loud. good one. moral indigneousity at its finest.

The other one, I knew the whole time we shouldnt get to close. Part of me didn't trust her (which is why i didnt tell her my past mental health purposely) . But all my life, i have had people i just clicked with. I was very fortunate to always have friends, i felt like myself around. With her, we really werent all that compatible, but this was AFTER the hospital AFTER i moved and transfered, and didnt mind if we were more "on the surface friends".. i was really focused on recovery. We, again, were kind of friends by association, cause she was like the social director at our church, so it was natural for us to be friends. Sure shes vivacious and complimentary thats about all i can think to say thats good about her..

I am not saying I look for people with mental illness. Because yeah, I have had bad experiences in the past. This girl did have mental illness (well according to a psychologist friend, 5 disorders) but thats not so much why shes destructive. She would be a destructive person no mater the illness or not. So i am saying, i dont relate to all people with mental illness. There are some people out there who are destructive with or without the illness' label. But i just like for open REAL people... if they happen to have a mental illness, so what?

My hospitalization wasnt such a pleasant one. Even though its only been once - 2 years ago- it was 12 days. They could not settle on a diagnosis. The other patients there chose to be there, whereas my parents called ems on me.. and i didn't feel like i could relate to them. There were some i got to know well, and were really sweet. But others (a roomate) would interupt and would only want to talk about really disturbing things. I ended up sleeping else where in the hospital for a while.

Ya know, that ex friend i recently met, opened up and told me some really personal info about her child hood. Because of that, I did not look at her any different... but it was After the false accusations and me being the scape goat for her personal problem, that i saw... umm actually she does have issues and whether we would end our friendship wasnt a question..

Anyway, looking back, yeah its all 20/20 vision. But its real when its happening. Trust is going to take some time. When it's there, its just kind of assumed, but boy when its gone, you realize how much its taken for granted.
My therapist said to me, "if youve had a mental illness, it's been cured!"
That made me shout for joy!! Because i have been feeling that way, but to hear him say that really helped me see what a miracle God has done in my life. And while i truly believe God has cured me (and i feel like such a miracle), i still need healing. I think i'm cured but not healed. And that will take lots of praying and time.

Thank you for being realistic and NICE! I would love to hear anything else you want to add.. my hope is just to have people see ME and not a label.
I don't really know who to tell anymore. It was kind of a person by person thing. Like most my friends did know. And family of course. Did you tell your husband after you met that you had this? I feel like it would be weird to tell a guy on a date (hey, I like you, I'm glad you like me, by the way, I have been hospitalized for mental illness!! When do you want to have kids?- like all the things NOT to say...)
I have not told guys i have been on dates with. But theyve all fizzled, and if we got more serious i would want to tell them eventually. oh ya the dumb girl who spread it like wild fire i had an "illness" told a guy ive been on dates with! OF COURSE!!!! who cares i stopped dating him long before. its still stupid.

thanks again...
I just want real relationships i can be open with. I am needing friendships very bad in my life right now.. I dont think i will be healed without them. Its so hard to find that trust again..

 

[dark struggle]

I have learned over the years not to trust anyone for vareouse reasons, and I have also learned that friends are only your friends until they get what they want. My husband knew before I was diagnosed we fought many times over several things such as he rearranged my house put me into a rage, moving things around such as the toilet paper or when our daughter was born he reagganged her room. He always made comments about me being bipolar and I told him yea well I can't get anyone to listen to me so next time you can go to my Dr.s appointment and myabe you can get somewhere because I can't seem to get any help. I felt helpless and hopless, my sisters called me a biatch on more than one occasion and well at church people talked about how crazy I was. It does hurt but eventually I learned to just pretend I didn't hear or it didn't hut, it was hard at first but then it got easy and then I learned snide come backs to their whispers and comments until I fell broken at who I had become.
Infact when I was finally diagnosed and they prescribed me some meds and a psyc to talk to I was scared (people scare me) but I felt relief not only for me but for my DD, she doesn't have to be scared of mommy anymore. I told my sisters and my dad and his wife but that was all. Now they can understand why I would burst in anger and then be fine and then be all excited all in a moments time. Infact now they treat me differant.
Im not really sure how this all helps you so Im going to go because I feel like Im high jacking your thread I hope you find the comfort and answers you are seeking.

 

[madison1101]

I do not tell many people about my diagnoses. I was married and divorced before I got the bipolar diagnosis, because it was my borderline personality that ruined my marriage.

You are not obligated to tell anyone about your diagnosis. It is nobody's business.

Just because your doctor gave you medication for your "tears" does not mean he changed your diagnosis. It means he is helping you with your symptoms. That is all the meds are for, symptom management.

As for friends, double check your behavior around your past friends. Was it your mental health history that caused them to disconnect from you, or was it your behavior toward them? I do not know, only you can answer that. I had a lot of friends that I treated poorly, and then did not know why they stopped being my friends. Looking back, in hindsight, I realize that they stopped being my friends because I treated them badly. People with bipolar disorder often treat people poorly as a result of the illness. I am not accusing you, just trying to help you do a self-check of sorts.

In seeking new friends, I suggest you get involved in your church. Attend Bible studies and get into a mentoring relationship with an older person who can guide you in your walk with the Lord. Get involved in service at church, teach Sunday School, or do some sort of ministry so that you get to know people, and they get to know you. That is how I make friends anymore.

God bless.
Trish