Ah, the dilemma of all singles! Firstly, I totally understand where you are coming from. It might be strange to hug blanket people, but it’s certainly not abnormal in the least. I don’t know about everyone else, but I have definitely hugged blanket people in my lifetime. I too homeschooled all the way through and what’s more have yet to actually “date” anyone, let alone cuddle with them. Often I think this leaves one in the dark to what romance must feel like, compounding us dateless people’s loneliness—am I the only one that doesn’t know what holding hands feels like? And so the self pity might go. God is still working on me, and some days I seem worse than ever, but in my personal wrestling with giving this sensitive subject to God I have slowly learning some things that help. My sister has a very similar testimony and has a ton of wisdom on the subject of "contentment" and I've learned a ton from her as well. Here’s a few tidbits.
1. Be patient with yourself. What you are feeling is normal. Almost every young adult is going to want the special someone. And it’s no sin or weakness to want those warm fluffy feelings that accompany the first date, or the passionate, euphoric closeness and safeness that comes with marriage. God made all that stuff, it’s his beautiful design for most of us. When done God’s way, romance is a glory that reflects the way Christ loves the church. God loves you with those desires, he made you with them.
2. Pray about it. You probably already know this, but its 1 Peter 5:7 all the way through life. Hurl all your feelings of loneliness at Jesus, find someplace to be alone with Him and talk with him, yell at Him if you have to. Often we find a bittersweet healing and gentle reassurance after a good session of lamentation to God. Part of this could be done journaling about it. Journaling through loneliness has tremendously helped me. In a notebook, I can make confessions, write prayers, resolutions, and jot down quotes that help me see outside my little bubble of grief. Seriously pray, if God made you with your desires he wants to hear you talk about them too!
3. Open your eyes. What we single folks long for is just one small facet of one huge thing—love. God is an infinite and beautiful love. Everything is what some great thinkers (like Calvin) have call “a school of desire”. All creation is a testimony to a mysteriously awesome and ravishing experience with God. Good gifts train us to see God. Open your eyes to the wider world. Open your eyes to God who loves you, the greatness and clarity of scripture He spoke to you, your parents who love you (obviously if they homeschooled you they do). Open your eyes to the beauty and creativity of God in your favorite animal, the savory or sweetness in your favorite meal, the passion in your favorite music (I don’t know if with misophonia you like music), the healing warmth of coffee or tea, the kindness of scenic landscapes, the picturesque of flowers, pines, or grassy fields, the cleverness of logic and math, the intrigue of history, the bravery of science, the thoughtfulness and expression of your favorite prose, the humor in your favorite movie, the simplicity of your favorite color, the stellar work in your favorite piece of art, the safety of your own warm bed. The life God gave you is a beautiful romance that tells you of his love for his church and it’s there when you step outside yourself and appreciate it. Reading C.S. Lewis’s “Weight of Glory” really helped instill this for me.
4. Follow Christ. This is super obvious, but God gave you a life to live for Him, Jesus died for your sinful inhibitions, and the Spirit gives you good works to do for Him. Love those around you. Love your parents, your siblings, your neighbor, the stranger at the store with reckless abandon. Listen to them when they are annoying, serve them with simple acts of goodness, appreciate their good character traits, and turn the other cheek when they mistreat you. If you marry, you will absolutely have to do this on a daily basis (he’ll be a sinner too), might as well start loving now.
5. Distract yourself. This is kind of like no. 3. But seriously when it’s too much to deal with write a letter to a friend or loved one, clean your room, take a run or walk, put on good music, write some philosophy, read a great book, say a prayer, write a book, go spend time in nature. And part of this is becoming aware of what turns on the loneliness. Reading and watching cute couples with their faces all over each other would make anyone cry with discontent. So how many romance stories actually help you live for Jesus while single?
These are things I’ve learned from great faithful single/celibate folks who have gone before me like CS. Lewis, John Stott, and almost all the writers for “Desiring God”, not to mention Paul the apostle!
I want to close with a profound paragraph from John Stott commenting on 1 Thessalonians 4: 1-8
“We too must accept this apostolic teaching, however hard it may seem, as God’s good purpose both for us and for society. We shall not become a bundle of frustrations and inhibitions if we embrace God’s standard, but only if we rebel against it. Christ’s yoke is easy, provided that we submit to it. It is possible for human sexual energy to be redirected both into affectionate relationships with friends of both sexes and into the loving service of others. Multitudes of Christian singles, both men and women, can testify to this. Alongside a natural loneliness, accompanied sometimes by acute pain, we can find joyful self-fulfillment in the self-giving service of God and other people.”
