How do i stop myself buying Stuff i cant afford and so having no money left at all to feed us ?

[mrs hazel denise wykes]

I am sick of been like I am and wonder whether I should ask my doctor to refer me for some counciling as I cannot go on like this its getting me down.I've done it again,spent all my fortnights State Pension on ''Material Things'' in order to make myself feel happier.I am a 65 year old pensioner am retired from work,dont have any savings at all cause I cant keep any money five minutes without going and spending the lot.Here in the uk us pensioners get paid a small amount each fortnight called a State Pension,its paid by the government to all pensioners over 62.
I have had an abusive unhappy life as you might have read on another forum,ive had such a lot of rejection in my life have never had any friends and ive had verbal,mental,emotional and physical abuse from my father and my ex husband whom from now I'm divorced from.

I've always been too afraid to seek counciling I don't know why and because of all that's happened throughout my life from childhood till now at the age of 65 i'm suffering various mental health problems including severe depression and stress and I suffer also with a lot of anger issues which causes me to rant and rave and cuss and swear constantly.

Ever since I was a teenager I've regulary after going to some evangelical church showing of a billy graham rally been reciting various different ''Sinners Prayers'' in a hope God will Save me,but never really having any intention of repenting and changing my ways and i'm still doing it now but because of all the baggage in my life I still carry on as before doing this that I shouldn't be doing,so I know I haven't come to salvation otherwise I would have changed my ways and come to repentance but I haven't but maybe I cant because of having mental illness.

I often wonder also if I have early onset dementia possibly bought on by all the past rejection and abuse in my life and the constant ongoing stress still in my life because I've noticed how I keep forgetting things including peoples names and I keep getting mixed up and confused..i keep forgetting things ive been told and what day of the week it is and I keep putting things on to cook on the hotplate and forget about it and then it boils dry.It might all be due to stress but i'm not so sure.

Anyway going back to my financial problems..i cannot stop myself from going out spending money I cant afford each pension day every fortnight..i keep wanting for ''Material Things'' luxury items like a stereo and collecting cds when I cannot simply cannot afford these things on a very low income which is only supposed to be to pay my household bills with,put a little bit by for clothing and the rest for food.

I have just had to once again sell my stereo and a radio cd player and 100 cds i'd bought recently in order to pay off some household bills id neglected paying, so now I don't have a stereo again nor any cds.
This is not the first time ive done this..ive lost count now of how many times I've kept buying cds and a stereo and dvds only to be forced to end up selling them all because i'd blown all my money for bills & food on buying these Material Things.Then after a while I buy them all again only to end up selling again to get money to eat..so its a vicious circle of buying stuff trying to make myself feel happier then having to sell it all to eat and pay bills only to buy it all back then sell again etc,well I'm sick to death of been like I am..wanting for items I cannot afford as an old aged pensioner on low income.

Once again I've sold a stereo and cd collection and dvd collection again but this time i'm in such deep trouble for money and have debts to pay so I haven't got a hope now of ever buying another cd and dvd collection and a stereo to play them on and have simply got to learn to do without and learn to be satisfied with having a television,a portable Dab Radio in which to be able to listen to music on and not want for buying cds anymore,and I've got use of my sons desktop home computer,and regarding wanting a stereo deck and cds my son says these things have gone Out now,you hear music over radio or the internet and for the younger generation its all downloads now and Spotify,he said people don't spend money buying cd collections anymore and that I can listen to my favourite Enya songs over YouTube..i don't need cds.
This is all very well but I keep craving over Material Things like this but I wont be able to buy such things anymore now as I've had my disability benefits stopped now cause i'm on State Pension and had a general drop in income and I am having to now keep myself and my son who only works part time on my pension money as he doesn't give me anything towards his keep at all,so now i'm going to be feeling ever more depressed cause I simply cannot now do any further spending.I've been living way above my means in wanting to buy luxury items like cds,books,dvds and stereo players which has kept us short of money for our food and bills.

Its been the same every two weeks when I draw my State pension the whole fortnight money has All gone by the end of the day after my payment as I've blown it all,i've missed some bill payments cause I've been on Amazon buying cds and dvds and buying another stereo etc and then I've ended up with barely no money left for food so we've had to basically starve for the next fortnight till I get my next payment just missing meals and living off beans on toast or egg or beans on toast and some days no food at all,just pint glasses of water to fill up on when we feel hungry.

I have sold the most recent hi fi and cd and dvd collection and as I said I just have the radio,tv and desktop computer which is my sons for my entertainment.Im stressing out cause I wont now be able to afford to buy back those things but I still keep wanting them but cant have them,so its going to be a struggle for me,but I've got to beat this..I've obviously developed some kind of mental illness which has made me go out and just blow all my money each fortnight when I draw my pension.I think its die to all the unhappiness and abuse and rejection in my life,ive been using buying material things I cant afford and shouldn't be buying in a hope it'll make me happy,but its not working I just feel more depressed and miserable because I've got no money for us to eat,i cant afford any food and have somehow got to get through two weeks till my next payment with hardly anything to eat.I don't remember when I last bought meat,fish,fruit or vegetables and ate a decent meal...its been years and we are both now suffering with malnourishment.
We feel ravenous with hunger all the time and I spend a lot of time just staying in bed sleeping as I feel so fed up,depressed and hungry,and my son is sick and tired of having a few breakfast cereals to eat or an egg on toast because his mother has spent all her pension on silly material ''Things'' that I cant afford.

I've even asked food banks to help us out with food but they don't want to know,i cant get anywhere to give me a voucher and one church pastor told me its my own fault ive spent all my money every pension payday,he says i'm reaping what I've sown and will have to go without clothing and eating until I stop my reckless spending cause he said spending money I don't have on things I cannot afford is not going to buy me happiness,he said I need to see my doctor for help and to undergo counciling and mental health treatment.Is he right? How can I cure myself of this uncontrollable desire to buy Material Things instead of paying the household bills and putting food on the table plus a bit by me for clothing?Spending money I don't have is not making me feel happier by buying things I cant afford..it just makes me more depressed and fed up cause I haven't left myself enough money to buy food for us and I cant meet up with friends for coffee or anything cause i'm again totally without any money at all now for two more weeks.It makes me feel like ending my life and I cant leave the four walls of this flat and go anywhere as once again I have no money left out of the state pension I received the other day..i blew it all in one go buying myself a pay as you go cell phone and other items so all we've got in to eat now for two weeks is one loaf of bread,some eggs,baked beans and breakfast cereal and a couple of frozen ready meals.I am so fed up I feel God has totally abandoned me and is letting me suffer and I feel like ending my life many a time.
How do I deal with these issues of mine..i obviously need help!What can I do?

 

[Tolworth John]

Yes see if you can find a councelling service to help you overcome your spending habit.
May I suggest you talk to the banks.
Some banks have a system for new/young user where money in the bank account can only be spent by first transfering it to a card. That card will have a amount you've loaded on it and that is all that can be spent.

The other thing to do is always make a shopping list of what you need and you buy only what is on the list. Limit your visits to shops to only those where you are buying, window shopping tempts you to spend.

 

[1watchman]

Managing should be more than just with material things. Maybe God is giving you a lesson about the futility of self-dependence which is not really adequate for the best life, as we all need God in our life. If you want to be spiritually "born again" as a true Christian, I counsel you to read all of John 1; John 3; John 14 to see what God is saying to mankind. If one continues relying on their own ideas and leave God out, then they will likely have much failure, as well as face a lost eternity when they leave this world. God can help one be a good manager and happy in their sojourn through life and hereafter.

 

[1watchman]

Tolworth gave some good advice. I hope you will read the chapters in John that I mentioned, and I hope you will see the need of walking and talking with the Lord Jesus daily, friend. We all need Him in our heart as our best Friend and lord of our life. Do not die without Him, for there is no other hope for eternity.

I want to also suggest you set a routine to immediately take your gov't check each month and divide it into three parts: a -essential food; b -rent or essential house cost; c -essential bills for necessary things; and then do not spend anything beyond what is essential until time for the next check comes. What is left can be for some bit of pleasure. Life is not about indulging self unless you are a wealthy person, then one should also pray about spending.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Shopping addiction is a very real thing. My friend went through this when her father died. You are right that hobbies and comforts with new things bring us a sense of security and joy, and it can be hard to balance being responsible with savings and bills before luxury items, but it will be possible for you do so after you get a bit of help. I strongly advise you to try counseling - not just for the shopping addicting, which is a symptom, but also for the depression and years of abuse and guilt. My prayers are with you and I felt your difficult struggle when reading your story.

 

[ToBeLoved]

I would find someone else to manage your money. If it is really coming down to whether your child or grandchild has eggs toast and cereal to eat, this is a desperate situation.

Maybe you’ll feel better too not even having to contend with having the money available. You may find it takes a load off your own mind.

I hope this helps. Not trying to come down on you. God Bless!