How do I stop loving someone?

[ForeverHope]

I have a simple question, but I know the answer is not as simple - How do I stop loving someone that I shouldn't love anymore because of the hurt they have caused me?

I know you probably need more information don't you? Well to make it simple, it's basically this.....We've all fallin in love with people we knew deep down was not right for us in one way or another. Whether they are not Christians, or they have done things that are not of good character or their integrity has been in question at times, or they're just so different then us that were not a good match for the long haul or they have done hurtful things to us. Whatever the case may be isn't really important, but what is important is how to tell your heart to stop.

I thought it would be easy because of the hurt, anger and betrayal I felt so intenesly that the feelings would just disappear, poof they're gone.......but that doesn't seem to be the case. In fact this seems to hurt worse then my 12 year married that ended. Maybe that is because that slowing died over a period of time where this ended without warning over email of all things and we haven't spoke since February 14th

I keep praying to God to please take these feelings away and take away the pain and the hurt that I'm feeling and it just keeps getting worse. I thought if I went out on a date with someone new that would help, but it just made it worse and I miss him even more.

All I know is that no one has ever made feel like such a queen ever in my life and I know everything that your going to say, it'll take time, God will heal you and take away the pain, and you'll find someone else who is right for you, I know all this .....I know how I suppose to feel and act, especially as a mature 44 year old I shouldn't be so emotional at this stage of my life.....but all I know is right now this very moment as the tears are streaming down my face I need help, I need some passage or some words of wisdom to get me through this... Thank you for listening and God Bless you. ~B

 

[fishstix]

This article might apply to your situation. Basically, instead of not loving someone, you could possibly try changing the way that you are loving him. Of course, it might be a little soon for that if you just broke up a few weeks ago.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I wish I knew. Every time I go out with a guy I end up thinking about the ex-bf and wishing I was with him. I thought I was over that last month, but now that I've gone out on a date yesterday the ex-bf is back in my mind.

 

[HVNbound]

YOU HAVE TO LET GO & LET GOD!

I too loved someone very much, so much that for most of 7 years I could't see the emotional abuse he was causing, I made excuses for him and believed his lies and excuses, I kept thinking that "if he comes back it's ment to be!" but realized the hard way that IT WAS NEVER MENT TO BE! & the only good thing that came out of him is my son! I no longer love him, just the opposite, I'm positive that if I were to see him, I'd want to punch him!

The hurt don't go away just because the person hurting you is gone, it stay's with you for along time and sometimes only therapy helps you through. Finding someone else may help but if you don't take the time to heal then the relationship won't work because you'll compare the new guy to the last one.

GIVE IT TO GOD! He will heal your heart!

 

[Johnnz]

Connections often remain. Sometimes specific prayer is needed. Remember what Paul said about casual sex still bringing about a one flesh relationship - a physical and spiritual bonding, Even more so when there has been a relationship over a period.

New pain can feed into past pain - failure, rejection being alone once more etc again sort of thing! That really hurts.

Sometimes we are slow learners and repeat hurtful patterns.

Rejection takes real love to heal well. Sadly, that is often hard to find.

John
NZ

 

[sherri]

As above

The only scripture that comes to mind is Isiah 54:17 No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper

In otherwords that although the devil can bring you to your knees through a broken relationship, he can't destroy you through it.

Am so sorry to hear you're going through this. My prayers are with you.

 

[LALaurie]

If you are able to figure this out please let me know. I am hurting right now so bad over loving someone I should not love.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

I dont think you can!

 

[JeremiahJ]

Before I say anything, I need to say that I'm not that smart and don't really know what the best thing is. Take what I say with a grain of salt. Sorry to give you all the answers you already knew.

I think one of the first steps is forgiveness. Forgive him for the hurt and betrayal. Let those intense feelings go. Often times intense negative emotions can be a catalyst for intense positive emotions.

Don't try to fill him with another man. Don't think you need another, better guy to be whole and happy and healed. Focus on God and Him alone. Do more than ask Him to take your feelings away. Live, and learn to live, life in His presence. Take more deliberate steps in getting close to Him.

Cry. If you need to cry, even though you're a mature 44 year old, then do it. Crying is what mature people do. Immature people hold their emotion in and refuse to let it affect their life. Feel what you need to feel. What you don't want is a false healing, where your heart is still deeply wounded, but you have a layer of tissue over it (hope that metaphor makes sense).

Expect it to take time. Chemicals in our body that make us feel incredibly in love take time to reside. God works through time to heal us. He usually doesn't do it instantly. He created time for a reason.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or danger or famine or nakedness or sword? ... No, for in all things we have become more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? ... Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death... But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." - Psalm 13

 

[FriarTuck]

Get busy improving yourself. Not in the hopes that you'll find someone else but to become a better christian. The more things you do the less you'll think about him. True this isn't dealing with the problem at hand but trust in a year when you slow down to evaluate those feelings they won't hurt any where near as much. Go to the gym, Volunteer at church, become a big sister, teach adults to read at the library, take a class, get a degree, join a team, but whatever you do, do it around lots of other people. Trust me this worked wonders for me.

 

[ForeverHope]

As above

The only scripture that comes to mind is Isiah 54:17 No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper

In otherwords that although the devil can bring you to your knees through a broken relationship, he can't destroy you through it.

Am so sorry to hear you're going through this. My prayers are with you.

Thanks Sherri....It's so cool that you suggested that scripture. I actually have that on my key chain that exact scripture. My whole family got them after my Dad survied a massive heart attack in 2000. Thanks for reminding me of how it applies to all sorts of situations even this one. God Bless, Bel

 

[ForeverHope]

Before I say anything, I need to say that I'm not that smart and don't really know what the best thing is. Take what I say with a grain of salt. Sorry to give you all the answers you already knew.

I think one of the first steps is forgiveness. Forgive him for the hurt and betrayal. Let those intense feelings go. Often times intense negative emotions can be a catalyst for intense positive emotions.

Don't try to fill him with another man. Don't think you need another, better guy to be whole and happy and healed. Focus on God and Him alone. Do more than ask Him to take your feelings away. Live, and learn to live, life in His presence. Take more deliberate steps in getting close to Him.

Cry. If you need to cry, even though you're a mature 44 year old, then do it. Crying is what mature people do. Immature people hold their emotion in and refuse to let it affect their life. Feel what you need to feel. What you don't want is a false healing, where your heart is still deeply wounded, but you have a layer of tissue over it (hope that metaphor makes sense).

Expect it to take time. Chemicals in our body that make us feel incredibly in love take time to reside. God works through time to heal us. He usually doesn't do it instantly. He created time for a reason.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or danger or famine or nakedness or sword? ... No, for in all things we have become more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? ... Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death... But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." - Psalm 13

Jeremiah, I appreciate your comments everytime....I don't know how old you are, but you are very wise in Christian years. Thank you for your thoughts and scripture God Bless, Bel

 

[ForeverHope]

I just wanted to tell everybody that God is so good to me and I want to thank each and everyone of you who commented and gave me your suggestions, scriptures and prayers. I can feel it improving everyday, it's really quite amazing how He is taking away the pain and hurt, almost like it was never even that great to start with. I have to really work hard and remembering how I USE to feel and that's good, that is very good. So for those who are still struggling, my prayer is for you to have less pain and hurt and eventually have it fad away as it is for me. It's almost like God put 3 years of time passing into just a week. This is a first for me (time passing quicker then actuality) and I just want to Praise Him! God Bless, Bel

 

[Sketcher]

I know how to quite effectively stop loving someone. Unfortunately I think I've lost the ability to love someone else in the process.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

It is a choice.

and in time you are able to put time and distance which heals ones heart.


Give it to God and make the choice-- you will feel better

 

[ForeverHope]

I know how to quite effectively stop loving someone. Unfortunately I think I've lost the ability to love someone else in the process.

Dear Bedford Falls, You haven't lost the ability to love, you are just protecting your heart at bit too much that's all. I'll pray for you and that God will put the light back in your step and wonder back in your eyes and just remember you'll love again, it's born in you because He put it there. God Bless, Bel

 

[JPPT1974]

Praying for you too
Just lean on the Lord
Let Him have His way with you my friend!

 

[crazeepraze]

Funny you should ask this question. Just last year I was in a relationship that ended after 7 years. My then BF seemed to have moved on, and I was still hurting and longing for him. I posed this EXACT same question to him.....well, actually, I asked him how do you get someone out of your heart. He responded that you don't! We ended up getting back together......but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in what you're feeling. I went through this SAME thing for months. It seemed the more I prayed the worst I felt. Time wasn't making it better either. I'm interceeding on your behalf Sis....just know that God is faithful, and he'll heal your wounded soul!

 

[mina]

I don't know the right answer b/c I still struggle with this. I really think you have to battle it out: in prayer and in choosing to live w/o them. You have to stay busy and keep your mind off of that person. When it hurts too bad you have to cry and pray and let God know how you feel just to get it all out.

 

[freeinchristforeverhis]

I have a simple question, but I know the answer is not as simple - How do I stop loving someone that I shouldn't love anymore because of the hurt they have caused me?

I know you probably need more information don't you? Well to make it simple, it's basically this.....We've all fallin in love with people we knew deep down was not right for us in one way or another. Whether they are not Christians, or they have done things that are not of good character or their integrity has been in question at times, or they're just so different then us that were not a good match for the long haul or they have done hurtful things to us. Whatever the case may be isn't really important, but what is important is how to tell your heart to stop.

I thought it would be easy because of the hurt, anger and betrayal I felt so intenesly that the feelings would just disappear, poof they're gone.......but that doesn't seem to be the case. In fact this seems to hurt worse then my 12 year married that ended. Maybe that is because that slowing died over a period of time where this ended without warning over email of all things and we haven't spoke since February 14th

I keep praying to God to please take these feelings away and take away the pain and the hurt that I'm feeling and it just keeps getting worse. I thought if I went out on a date with someone new that would help, but it just made it worse and I miss him even more.

All I know is that no one has ever made feel like such a queen ever in my life and I know everything that your going to say, it'll take time, God will heal you and take away the pain, and you'll find someone else who is right for you, I know all this .....I know how I suppose to feel and act, especially as a mature 44 year old I shouldn't be so emotional at this stage of my life.....but all I know is right now this very moment as the tears are streaming down my face I need help, I need some passage or some words of wisdom to get me through this... Thank you for listening and God Bless you. ~B

Sometimes in life I think we cant always stop loving someone but we can just accept that we love that person and ask God to bless them and pray for them if we want to and ask God to help us accept that they are not right for us.Love is an emotion and we cant always control our emotions but we can control how we react to them. Its good to love others isnt this what God commanded us to do! But we cant always share our lifes with those we love.