How do I say I'm sorry?

[Stormy]

Hi

I am pretty ashamed of myself. Here I was with this beautiful clean soul from my baptism last Easter, and I went and got it all dirty!

I let my temper get the best of me, and said some really ugly things to my husband. Not making excuses ( maybe I am), but he is an alcoholic, and I really did feel good letting off some steam!

BUT then... I did not go to Church for the last two weeks, because I Knew I needed to go to confession. I could not go to confession, because I was not really sorry. You see, the result of my temper tantrum has actually taken a positive effect on my husband, where all the years of being nice had no effect. If saying a few naughty words, and trashing the house is what it took to wake him up, than I am not really sorry.

So here I sit in the mud, outside of God's grace.

I don't know if I even could make a confession that would be worth anything, and I don't even know how. I have never been to confession. But I really want to go back to Church. I have even thought of going to a Protestant church. I feel like a little kid hiding in the corner, wanting to be with her Father, but to proud, ashamed, and afraid to come into the light.

Please all my OBOB brothers, and sisters... lay some wisdom on me. I really need you.

 

[Cat59]

God uses our mistakes even, Stormy, the fact that it's been a wake up call to your husband should not stop you going to confession. I am sure if you tell the priest the whole story, he can guide you and counsel you about this- he may even feel that what you did was no big sin but rather the reaction of someone at the end of her tether.
Hugs and prayers for you!

 

[NewToLife]

Perhaps an Orthodox will do. Go and ask your priest for guidance, explaining what has occurred, the power of sin is often broken simply by exposing it to the light.

 

[statrei]

Hi

I am pretty ashamed of myself. Here I was with this beautiful clean soul from my baptism last Easter, and I went and got it all dirty!

I let my temper get the best of me, and said some really ugly things to my husband. Not making excuses ( maybe I am), but he is an alcoholic, and I really did feel good letting off some steam!

BUT then... I did not go to Church for the last two weeks, because I Knew I needed to go to confession. I could not go to confession, because I was not really sorry. You see, the result of my temper tantrum has actually taken a positive effect on my husband, where all the years of being nice had no effect. If saying a few naughty words, and trashing the house is what it took to wake him up, than I am not really sorry.

So here I sit in the mud, outside of God's grace.

I don't know if I even could make a confession that would be worth anything, and I don't even know how. I have never been to confession. But I really want to go back to Church. I have even thought of going to a Protestant church. I feel like a little kid hiding in the corner, wanting to be with her Father, but to proud, ashamed, and afraid to come into the light.

Please all my OBOB brothers, and sisters... lay some wisdom on me. I really need you.

Sounds like the first person you should be talking to is your husband. Tell him how proud you are of the changes he has made. Really build him up. Make him feel like a million bucks. Then tell him you are sorry for the harsh things you told him, and promise that you will work with him to make your home into a place where peace is welcome. After that, talk to Jesus about it and claim His grace and forgiveness. I am not a Catholic so this is where my advice stops. May the peace of Heaven be always with you.

 

[Stormy]

I have never been to confession. How do I start? Isn't there a pattern of speach that I am suppose to follow?

 

[Cat59]

I start by saying:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned"
and then saying how long it is since my last confession (or in your case, since your baptism.)
I then tell him about my sins and at the end add that I am sorry for all sins, including those I cannot remember.
The priest then gives me some prayers to say- my penance and asks me to say an Act of Contrition or Sorrow- I usually say something like:
"O my God, because You are so good, I am very sorry to have sinned against You and by the help of Your grace, I will not sin again."
The priest then says the prayer of absolution and that's it.
After confession, I say the prayers designated as penance.

 

[Benedicta00]

Hi

I am pretty ashamed of myself. Here I was with this beautiful clean soul from my baptism last Easter, and I went and got it all dirty!

I let my temper get the best of me, and said some really ugly things to my husband. Not making excuses ( maybe I am), but he is an alcoholic, and I really did feel good letting off some steam!

BUT then... I did not go to Church for the last two weeks, because I Knew I needed to go to confession. I could not go to confession, because I was not really sorry. You see, the result of my temper tantrum has actually taken a positive effect on my husband, where all the years of being nice had no effect. If saying a few naughty words, and trashing the house is what it took to wake him up, than I am not really sorry.

So here I sit in the mud, outside of God's grace.

I don't know if I even could make a confession that would be worth anything, and I don't even know how. I have never been to confession. But I really want to go back to Church. I have even thought of going to a Protestant church. I feel like a little kid hiding in the corner, wanting to be with her Father, but to proud, ashamed, and afraid to come into the light.

Please all my OBOB brothers, and sisters... lay some wisdom on me. I really need you.

Stormy- please talk to a priest- there is a thing called righteous anger. What you said probably needed to be said and you do not have to be sorry for that but maybe the way you said rather.

I don’t think any serious sin is involved that should keep you from communion. We must be cautious not to fal prey to scruples.

Also never miss Mass even if you can’t go to communion.

 

[BillH]

Hi Stormy

If you don't feel like you're ready to go to confession over this, maybe talking to a priest in a normal context would help? I have a hunch that this might not qualify as a mortal sin, but I'm neither a pastor nor a theologian. Until then, though, I would encourage you to attend mass, even if you don't feel ready to receive the Eucharist.

If you do go to confession, start out with, "Bless me father for I have sinned, this is my first confession since my baptism X months ago." The priest should help walk you through it. But, basically, confess your sins as best as you can remember them. The priest will then offer you a penance, and ask for an Act of Contrition, the text of which you can find on the web (because I'm too lazy to type it out but it starts, "Oh my Lord, I am truly sorry..."). Then he'll give you a final blessing.

Hope that this helps!

 

[marciadietrich]

You should just see the priest for confession when you can, likely this is not mortal but as Shelb indicated a bit of righteous anger in that it is truth that needed to come out and in a way it would make an effect on your husband.

 

[Metanoia02]

Hi

I am pretty ashamed of myself. Here I was with this beautiful clean soul from my baptism last Easter, and I went and got it all dirty!

I let my temper get the best of me, and said some really ugly things to my husband. Not making excuses ( maybe I am), but he is an alcoholic, and I really did feel good letting off some steam!

BUT then... I did not go to Church for the last two weeks, because I Knew I needed to go to confession. I could not go to confession, because I was not really sorry. You see, the result of my temper tantrum has actually taken a positive effect on my husband, where all the years of being nice had no effect. If saying a few naughty words, and trashing the house is what it took to wake him up, than I am not really sorry.

So here I sit in the mud, outside of God's grace.

I don't know if I even could make a confession that would be worth anything, and I don't even know how. I have never been to confession. But I really want to go back to Church. I have even thought of going to a Protestant church. I feel like a little kid hiding in the corner, wanting to be with her Father, but to proud, ashamed, and afraid to come into the light.

Please all my OBOB brothers, and sisters... lay some wisdom on me. I really need you.

First off go to confession, you already know that.

Second, stop rationalizing! Being an alcoholic myself, your temper tantrum my only have a temporary effect. It was not good in any way. Do not view it as such. You did violence to your marriage by letting anger win out over love. Yes it may have felt good to let off stream, but when you have to do it the next time to get the desired effect, you will be trapped in a vicious cycle.

Third, since you haven't been to confession it is a good time to review what it is for and to establish a good habit of regular confession.

Finally, don't forget to ask God for the grace to have contrition for what you have done.

 

[Stormy]

Sounds like the first person you should be talking to is your husband. Tell him how proud you are of the changes he has made. Really build him up. Make him feel like a million bucks. Then tell him you are sorry for the harsh things you told him, and promise that you will work with him to make your home into a place where peace is welcome. After that, talk to Jesus about it and claim His grace and forgiveness. I am not a Catholic so this is where my advice stops. May the peace of Heaven be always with you.

Maybe you have never been married to an alcoholic, or at least not to my husband. If I say I am sorry, he will be more than glad to allow me to accept all the fault for everything... and get back to his drinking. Besides am I suppose to lie? Saying your sorry should mean your sorry.... I am not sorry. The only thing I am sorry about is that he made it necessary for me to blow!

I was Protestant, until just this last Easter. Now I will remain Catholic forever. And yes, I have taught to Jesus in prayer. During my prayer I had a vision of him, breaking tables, yelling, and beating the money changers outside of his Church... then he walked into Church. I do, and I don't feel forgiven.

 

[statrei]

Maybe you have never been married to an alcoholic, or at least not to my husband. If I say I am sorry, he will be more than glad to allow me to accept all the fault for everything... and get back to his drinking. Besides am I suppose to lie? Saying your sorry should mean your sorry.... I am not sorry. The only thing I am sorry about is that he made it necessary for me to blow!

I was Protestant, until just this last Easter. Now I will remain Catholic forever. And yes, I have taught to Jesus in prayer. During my prayer I had a vision of him, breaking tables, yelling, and beating the money changers outside of his Church... then he walked into Church. I do, and I don't feel forgiven.

Sorry. I don't do marital counseling online.

 

[Stormy]

Stormy- please talk to a priest- there is a thing called righteous anger. What you said probably needed to be said and you do not have to be sorry for that but maybe the way you said rather.

I don’t think any serious sin is involved that should keep you from communion. We must be cautious not to fal prey to scruples.

Also never miss Mass even if you can’t go to communion.

Thank You for understanding Shelb5

I was thinking maybe I would go to Church, but not take communion until I get this whole thing sorted out in my head? Would that keep me from racking up anymore mortal sins?

What a stupid question! As if one mortal sin could not cause me to loose eternity! OK, so I guess I am back going to confession.

And somewhere deep inside I must know that the anger was wrong, or I wouldn't have let it keep me out of Church. Maybe there is not such thing in a Christians life as the end justifying the means.

I am sorry this post is such a rambling mess. lol It gives you but a glimpse of the confusion in my head.

 

[Cat59]

That's why confession is so good, Stormy, because someone else will say to you that you are forgiven, and mean it. It means so much to hear those words from someone else!

 

[Stormy]

Sorry. I don't do marital counseling online.

I am not asking you to help me with my marriage. It was you that advised me. I did not ask anyone for help with my marriage.

 

[statrei]

It means so much to hear those words from someone else!

This is probably the first sound rationale for the confessional that I have heard.

 

[statrei]

I am not asking you to help me with my marriage. I did not ask anyone for help with my marriage.

But that is what you brought into focus. It is my job to recognize those things. We often say more than we intend.

 

[bostonlass]

Hold up...it's a sin to yell at your husband???

 

[Stormy]

It is a mortal sin to miss Mass... right?

 

[bostonlass]

It is a mortal sin to miss Mass... right?

yes.