How do I move on?

[KatrinaC]

Good afternoon guys I hope that God has blessed you with a wonderful, sunny day as he has here in Indy!

I was just stopping by, browsing around as I normally do and I feel like I need some prayers/support from my online christian family.

My father, who had been sick for some time, passed away on Labor Day of this year. He was hooked to a ventilator for 27 days and mom made the decision to let him go. He had battled with emphysema, pneumonia, cardiac disease and congestive heart failure for as long as I could remember, since I was 13. He was on the vent last year for 2 months, came off, went home and started to improve and then in August of this year he got pneumonia again and went back downhill again. Last year I was praying that Mom would shut the vent off then because I knew this is not what Dad would want, but thankfully it passed and we were able to have another year and a half with him.

As much though as I wanted my dad to be out of pain and no longer suffering, I am now left with this empty space. I can only imagine what my mother feels like, having lost her love after 33 years....he was only 52 btw. I lie awake at night, running the scene through my head of when he passed.....the ventilator being shut off, watching him take his last breath and feeling his heart beat for the last time and hearing my mothers cries. I don't know if I am scarred now because of it or if this is a natural response, but I can't move on from this. I hope to see him again one day in our heavenly home, but this is almost to much to bear here on earth.

Couple that with the fact that I am trying to recover from an emergency hysterectomy, marriage problems and a 2-1/2 year old, and I feel like I am on the edge.

Does anyone in here have any words of wisdom or better yet, scripture that can help me through? I am going to go to a healing prayer session at a local church here and have people pray over me, because I have so much swirling in my head, I can't focus anymore. A good and Godly friend who happens to be a psychologist also believes that I am depressed, which I wouldn't doubt.

Well thanks for letting me ramble.....it is amazing that I keep hearing this voice saying "I am alright, I am fine now." At different times of the day, when I am alone and confused, I hear this.

Thanks!

Kat

 

[Nilla]

Matt 11:28-29 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Psalms 121
I look up toward the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Creator of heaven and earth!
May he not allow your foot to slip!
May your protector not sleep!
Look! Israel’s protector
does not sleep or slumber!
The Lord is your protector;
the Lord is the shade at your right hand.
The sun will not harm you by day,
or the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all harm;
he will protect your life.
The Lord will protect you in all you do,
now and forevermore.

And also this..

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."​

He is carrying you girl!! ​

 

[womanofvalor]

Good afternoon guys I hope that God has blessed you with a wonderful, sunny day as he has here in Indy!

I was just stopping by, browsing around as I normally do and I feel like I need some prayers/support from my online christian family.

My father, who had been sick for some time, passed away on Labor Day of this year. He was hooked to a ventilator for 27 days and mom made the decision to let him go. He had battled with emphysema, pneumonia, cardiac disease and congestive heart failure for as long as I could remember, since I was 13. He was on the vent last year for 2 months, came off, went home and started to improve and then in August of this year he got pneumonia again and went back downhill again. Last year I was praying that Mom would shut the vent off then because I knew this is not what Dad would want, but thankfully it passed and we were able to have another year and a half with him.

As much though as I wanted my dad to be out of pain and no longer suffering, I am now left with this empty space. I can only imagine what my mother feels like, having lost her love after 33 years....he was only 52 btw. I lie awake at night, running the scene through my head of when he passed.....the ventilator being shut off, watching him take his last breath and feeling his heart beat for the last time and hearing my mothers cries. I don't know if I am scarred now because of it or if this is a natural response, but I can't move on from this. I hope to see him again one day in our heavenly home, but this is almost to much to bear here on earth.

Couple that with the fact that I am trying to recover from an emergency hysterectomy, marriage problems and a 2-1/2 year old, and I feel like I am on the edge.

Kat,
I lost my dad 10 years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Losing your dad is like losing your stability, if your dad is a strong leader. and it sounds as if your dad was.
My 23 year old daughter died suddenly this year, following by my mother, so I have been really "reeling" from all the sorrow. But I have found some scriptures that have really comforted me so I'd like to share them. It takes time to grieve. People think you can just "get over it", but you can't. I remember it was nearly 2 years before I could feel peace after my dad died. I finally 'released' him to my Heavenly Father and allowed Him to be my Father in all ways. It was a long process though. So, don't hurry yourself through it.
Isaiah 66:2 But this is the man to whomI will look and have regard; he who is humble and of a broken or wounded spirit, and who tr
trembles at My word and reveres my command.
Psalm 34:17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all thier distress and troubles.
18 the Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humble and thoroughly penitent.

there are many more, but I won't overhwlem you with all of them.
It's good that you are going to a church group for prayer.
Don't give up. Let the Lord lift you and try to give your sorrow to Him. I know I haven't done that completely yet for I still cry over my sweet daughter every day, but I know where she is and that is a great comfort.
May God give you the peace your heart seeks now!
Blessings to you and big hugs!

 

[xxxSammixxx]

Sending you huggs and understanding. I do remember how difficult it was to be mom to a 2 1/2 year old during stressful times. Your dad is not gone. His memory lives on in you and his blood runs through you and your daughter. He still loves you both as you still love him.

 

[rushingwind62]

Good afternoon guys I hope that God has blessed you with a wonderful, sunny day as he has here in Indy!

I was just stopping by, browsing around as I normally do and I feel like I need some prayers/support from my online christian family.

My father, who had been sick for some time, passed away on Labor Day of this year. He was hooked to a ventilator for 27 days and mom made the decision to let him go. He had battled with emphysema, pneumonia, cardiac disease and congestive heart failure for as long as I could remember, since I was 13. He was on the vent last year for 2 months, came off, went home and started to improve and then in August of this year he got pneumonia again and went back downhill again. Last year I was praying that Mom would shut the vent off then because I knew this is not what Dad would want, but thankfully it passed and we were able to have another year and a half with him.

As much though as I wanted my dad to be out of pain and no longer suffering, I am now left with this empty space. I can only imagine what my mother feels like, having lost her love after 33 years....he was only 52 btw. I lie awake at night, running the scene through my head of when he passed.....the ventilator being shut off, watching him take his last breath and feeling his heart beat for the last time and hearing my mothers cries. I don't know if I am scarred now because of it or if this is a natural response, but I can't move on from this. I hope to see him again one day in our heavenly home, but this is almost to much to bear here on earth.

Couple that with the fact that I am trying to recover from an emergency hysterectomy, marriage problems and a 2-1/2 year old, and I feel like I am on the edge.

Does anyone in here have any words of wisdom or better yet, scripture that can help me through? I am going to go to a healing prayer session at a local church here and have people pray over me, because I have so much swirling in my head, I can't focus anymore. A good and Godly friend who happens to be a psychologist also believes that I am depressed, which I wouldn't doubt.

Well thanks for letting me ramble.....it is amazing that I keep hearing this voice saying "I am alright, I am fine now." At different times of the day, when I am alone and confused, I hear this.

Thanks!

Kat

Kat,
I lost my dad 3 years ago and like you we took care of him for many years. There are no words that will ever fill that empty space. Only in time will it begin to heal. Still to this day I have my good days and bad days. Sometimes (no too often though) I still sit down and cry because I miss him.

I also was there when dad passed away and I too watched as he took his last breath. To me, as difficult as that was, it brought closure. Because I know I did all I could for dad and was there to the bitter end. I know where dad went and that brings comfort to me, so I am not haunted by his last moments. I know this may sound bad but it is not meant to. When dad died it was almost a relief to the family as we had been there with him through all the suffering years. And as you know that in itself is a constant grieving process in itself. Not that wanted him to die because that is far from the truth. It was just a relief to know he wasn't suffering anymore.

Take it one day at a time, Kat. The first year is the hardest but as I said time will heal those wounds but never completely. It is ok to feel.....God Bless You

 

[Argent]

Kat,

Everything you are feeling is normal. 100% normal.

You can expect the difficult times to come and go in waves, and often when you least expect it. There will be times when the grief will come and you will burst out in tears. There will be times when you will feel fine. As time passes, you can expect that the bad periods, which might last right now from a few minutes to hours, will become less frequent and less intense, but this all takes time; usually months, or longer for some people. Even after that, you will have a bad day here and there. If your grief makes other people uncomfortable, well that's just their problem, they can deal with it. We don't "just get over it" as some people think we should.

There is also no such thing as "closure". Closure means finalizing something and putting it away in it's place. This just isn't something we can do with our grief. What we do is we learn to live with the loss. It takes time. Sometimes we need help to learn how to live with the loss. Therapy is good. A grief support group is even better. It is usually good to wait a few months before joining a grief support group. Your grief is probably to raw right now, but later a grief support group might be very good for you. It can be a great help to tell your story to others who have experienced grief and know what you are going through.

Now, with all the other things going on in your life, a good anti-depressant (Celexa, Welbutrin, Prozac, Zoloft) might be what you need right now. If you broke your leg, you'd go to the doctor and get help right? If you need mental health help right now, then go to the doctor and get the help you need. Often people only use anti-deressants for a year or two and then after some therapy where they learn some skills to deal with their feelings, they can stop taking the medications. There are Dunn Mental Health Centers all over the country and their fees are based on income. Please don't try to go this alone with just prayer and Bible study. Some people can do that, but it sounds like you have a lot going on. Please get some help to get you through all this.

God bless.

P.S. None of it is easy, but we have to do it. I've been there.

 

[Amin]

Hi Kat,
I lost my mom this past June.
She was in a nursing home and i was
with her when she passed away.
I was also with my father when he passed away.
When we grieve we have to let it take its' course so I'm told.
Mom was sick for four yrs. and dad for 12.
I guess there's a part of us that always wants to keep them with us.
I know that's how it was for me.
How long it takes to get over a certain stage of the grieving process
is probably different foe us all.
If you think it has lasted much too long, then i would talk to someone.
But it's different for us all.
Chuck.