How do I know you're not a serial killer?

[memoriesbymichelle]

I know alot of people use online dating, and even if you don't and you're out and about and you meet someone and they ask you out......

How do you know they are not a serial killer?

I know this may sound silly to some, but seriously it IS a concern of mine and that's why I wouldn't do the online dating thing, but even if I don't do that, and even if I met someone at church how could you seriously know?

If I was introduced by someone that I knew, and they knew this person for a long time, I would feel more comfortable but still....

How do you know?

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, from the news, even people close to a killer often don't think they are that type of a person. So I don't think one can actally know. Unlike you tho, I don't worry about that type of thing. I guess I have te attitude that what will be will be. But I guess as a guy I think on a date I can deal with most things that come up. A women who is with a determined man would have a harder time. So I'd give the iffy addvice to listen to your gut feelings and as soon as things don't feel right slit. Meet in a public place. Tell friends what your upto. Have them call you on yhour cell at a specific time. Things like that.

dayhiker

 

[Bridgit]

The same thought had come to my mind about dating a man I do not know. However, rather than to let my fears control me, I decide to control them by putting my trust in God. I let God be in control of my life and trust that He will direct my path.

Also, as I always tell my kids, "God gave you a brain, use it!" I am a very observant person and usually can tell you about a person after spending time listening to him/her and watching his/her reactions to what life is throwing at them.

I know that some people are very good at hiding their true character/intentions. However, I do believe it is still possible to see through them.

I believe that at the beginning of a relationship/date you should not: rush into it, dress inappropriately (show-off your body because you know/think you are beautiful - you will most likely attract the wrong crowd, let your guards down/trust too quickly, meet in secluded places, go alone with your date to meet his "friends".

This might sound too drastic but in these days it is better to be safe than sorry. It is better to be single than to be married with the wrong person. It is better to remain alone than to go through a relationship that is going to hurt you emotionally and physically. It is your choice to control yourself and your environment in order to keep safe and do what is right.

Of course, I will lastly advise that you invite God into your potential relationship with somebody you are attracted to. Ask Him to let you know if that is the right person for you.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

On your last line Bridgit, of course I would ask God even before considering a date to lead me and guide me, and I agree with the rest of what you said too, with the exception that you could "read" a person after spending some time with them....sometimes yes, but not always.

Dayhiker, of course YOU wouldn't worry about it lol. It's usually (and I do mean usually but not always in this day and age) the GUY that IS the serial killer
Also I think those kind of evil people can often be very patient and not show their true colors for a long time, even YEARS so..IDK
It's just one of those things that makes me wanna go HMMMMMMMM

 

[ShainaBrina]

You can't. Though it is far more likely that you'll be dating someone who's abused or cheated in the past than an actual killer.

You really don't know someone until you have lived with them. And even then think of all the people who are able to hide their true selves or secret lives from their family. Then there are those who actually believe the lies they tell themselves and others.

hmmm maybe this is the real reason I don't date!

 

[dayhiker]

Shaina,
I agree with you on what you have said. I've talked to people and been around a few people that have been deceived but spouces.
I choose howevery not to let those situations to deter me from engaging and falling in love. My experience is that most people are more honest than fakes. I live for today and not for some etherial future feeling or even. Thuse if I enjoy being with a person I'll enjoy them and feel that they add to my life. I don't know what I'll feel or how I'll deal with a negative situation. So far in my life I've always been able to take a positive view if the situation I've found myself in. That includes a divorce that I'd rather have not had to go thru.

So while there are negative people out there, I'm not going to let them keep me from loving and engaging with people out there.

dayhiker

 

[Avatar]

Try to remember that serial killers are exceedingly rare. Like 1 in a million.

You're more likely to be struck by lightning than killed by a serial killer. Far more likely.

Now if you were a sex-trade worker your odds of running into one would be worth worrying about. Otherwise, it's not a fear you should let affect your life.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Try to remember that serial killers are exceedingly rare. Like 1 in a million.

You're more likely to be struck by lightning than killed by a serial killer. Far more likely.

Now if you were a sex-trade worker your odds of running into one would be worth worrying about. Otherwise, it's not a fear you should let affect your life.

Wow! Really? That has to be the best answer of the lol. And for what it's worth, I'm not really worrying about it, but it does cross my mind, especially given the depravity of our current society. And I DO trust God to protect me and mine. Great answer!

 

[radhead]

I think it's kind of irrational (nicest word I can think of) to even worry about something like this.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think it's kind of irrational (nicest word I can think of) to even worry about something like this.

Well.....maybe from your point of view (as a guy). By the OP I did not mean to imply that every time I encounter someone I think "how do I know they aren't a serial killer". But in reality (in my reality) I'm almost 50 and I happen to know there are alot of bad people out there in the world and it has been proven that there are those that take advantage of others and sometimes people have known these people for years. So I guess I was really trying to get a feel for how people (especially people that do online dating) "feel" they can trust meeting someone in this fashion and "trust" them to come into their world. I don't have much, but I do have 2 kids and I am not willing to bring just anyone in my circle. The problem for me is that there isn't alot of opportunity to "meet" people. I work in a company that has 6 total employees and aside from delivery guys no other encounters at work. I go to church so that would be the ideal place although it just hasn't happened yet ( and I'm not there for that anyway) so.....go ahead and make fun, and call me irrational (nicest word you could think of) but it IS a thought that has crossed my mind. Thanks for the understanding though...

 

[Jenster]

Hm, this is a good conversation. Thanks for the OP, Michelle. I do not do online dating because I am too uncomfortable meeting a totally random person, with whom the only thing I have in common is that we both chose a certain website to register on.

It's hard, it is, knowing how to discern who is who online, even if it's not a dating website but something like CF. Heck, I'm even cautious with telling CF sisters in Christ too much about my "real" life.

When dating online, I just say, take it slow. No rush. Get to know the person. Use a webcam if possible to see the person before you meet him (I've never done it, but seems you can't hide so much if you're on a web cam).

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Hm, this is a good conversation. Thanks for the OP, Michelle. I do not do online dating because I am too uncomfortable meeting a totally random person, with whom the only thing I have in common is that we both chose a certain website to register on.

It's hard, it is, knowing how to discern who is who online, even if it's not a dating website but something like CF. Heck, I'm even cautious with telling CF sisters in Christ too much about my "real" life.

When dating online, I just say, take it slow. No rush. Get to know the person. Use a webcam if possible to see the person before you meet him (I've never done it, but seems you can't hide so much if you're on a web cam).

I don't think I will really ever do online dating, really. Well that's just WAY too risky for me. I find it hard to believe that other people aren't as cautious and haven't thought about how they could really KNOW a person they meet online. Heck Ted Bundy kept his secret hidden from everybody for more than a decade!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

You can't. Though it is far more likely that you'll be dating someone who's abused or cheated in the past than an actual killer.

You really don't know someone until you have lived with them. And even then think of all the people who are able to hide their true selves or secret lives from their family. Then there are those who actually believe the lies they tell themselves and others.

hmmm maybe this is the real reason I don't date!

ditto here! It's the sociopathic types that concern me...the kind that can seem all normal and sweet until you're in the same living quarters with them and the true colours come out. I personally know that I am a royal pain to live with so it's not even sensible for me to try and find a mate. Too bad more people aren't willing to admit their faults and save others the heartache.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

ditto here! It's the sociopathic types that concern me...the kind that can seem all normal and sweet until you're in the same living quarters with them and the true colours come out. I personally know that I am a royal pain to live with so it's not even sensible for me to try and find a mate. Too bad more people aren't willing to admit their faults and save others the heartache.

WORD! I heard that!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

With almost 6 years of online dating experience I believe the most valid concern is getting attached to someone who turns out to be something totally different than the godly person they described themselves as. As far as eharmony, there were half a dozen times I got a weird feeling about someone and held back from giving out my contact info only to have eharmony contact me later to tell me the person had been banned. Other times I got a real strong feeling about someone on a first date or "just happened" to ask the right question that revealed something very important.

My problem has always been being allowed to be swept along too fast in a relationship.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm not currently meeting people thru the web as I have a long term GF. But when did I didn't have any issues with the people I meet. Ya, there were people that I didn't care if I meet again, but in general I was glad I meet he people I meet.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm not currently meeting people thru the web as I have a long term GF. But when did I didn't have any issues with the people I meet. Ya, there were people that I didn't care if I meet again, but in general I was glad I meet he people I meet.

I truly mean no dis-respect dayhiker, because I really DO enjoy your posts, but in this case, it's easier for you because you are a GUY. Guys don't usually have to be "afraid" of people they meet. Women on the other had are more susceptable in more ways than one. JMHO

 

[dayhiker]

MbM yes, I'm well awear that women have a different prespective on that. I wonder how I would deal with that if I were a woman. I'll never know.

My GF tells her a freind of hers has had over 100 dates thru the web with no issues. I don't know how she approaches it. In talking to people that date thru the web at a singles groups, I've heard them tell of some crazy guys they have meet, but none of them told stories of violence.

I actually did more group activities thru the web than single dates anyways when I was single single, ie no GF. I really liked those activities.

dayhiker

 

[namelessjuan]

I truly mean no dis-respect dayhiker, because I really DO enjoy your posts, but in this case, it's easier for you because you are a GUY. Guys don't usually have to be "afraid" of people they meet. Women on the other had are more susceptable in more ways than one. JMHO

You are so wrong. You have no idea how many crazy gfs some of us have dated in the past.

 

[Inkachu]

I know alot of people use online dating, and even if you don't and you're out and about and you meet someone and they ask you out......

How do you know they are not a serial killer?

I know this may sound silly to some, but seriously it IS a concern of mine and that's why I wouldn't do the online dating thing, but even if I don't do that, and even if I met someone at church how could you seriously know?

If I was introduced by someone that I knew, and they knew this person for a long time, I would feel more comfortable but still....

How do you know?

My advice: keep your relationship status in prayer, even when you're single, trust God to protect you, and LISTEN to your conscience. Womens' intuition is also mighty powerful; don't ignore it. If it's someone at church, then ask around about them. Do they come with family or friends? If a guy seems to be sneaky/secretive/hiding things...that's a big warning flag.