How do I get through to him?

[Sheagle]

Proverbs 25:15 says that 'a gentle word can break a bone.' Some wives think that turning into harpies will motivate their husband, when it just brings discord. (Not saying that's you, of course.)

Are you both working and then you get stuck with the dishes at the end of the day? If you were stay-at-home with no kids or he spent a lot of time working outside, your doing the dishes might make sense as far as division of labor goes. If you are both working full-time, leaving you with all the housework isn't a balanced 'division of labor' from that perspective. But I don't agree with telling him you won't wash his dishes anymore. I don't see how that lines up with Ephesians 5 or I Peter 3. But if you are both working and he expects you to cook and do all the dishes on top of that, you can tell him how you think it is unfair, explain how it makes you feel, then get up right then and do the dishes and let him think about it and see how he reacts.

You don't want your marriage to become this kind of contractual relationship that is all about being 'fair' either. "You did this. So I'll do that." You didn't do this, so I won't do that for you. You want to be giving and serving because you love each other, without limiting it to whatever the other person did for you. Tit for tat isn't a good situation in marriage. You want a relationship where you are loving and serving each other without keeping score.



Can we really talk about this here? I'd suggest you really talk about the issue. Tell him what you'd like him to do. Being sleepy after he's finished is normal. You could suggest he take care of your needs first, before going all the way with other activities.

This is pretty much the approach I took, although I admit I did cry a bit trying to explain to my husband regarding the sex thing (because at first he reacted pretty defensively) but what I am saying seems to be getting through. I'm not really a fan of just refusing to fulfill my responsibilities, because I feel a duty to God to do what is right, even if my husband doesn't. Regarding housework, I have tried asking him when he's not tired to help me, so will see how that goes. My main concern, just to clarify, was that I would help him with his work during the day, which is quite tiring because we have a farm, but then at the end of the day my husband would relax, leaving me to cook and clean and wash up while he got to relax.
If that happens again next time, I might just need to bluntly but respectfully tell him that behaviour is not fair.

Thank you all for your suggestions!

 

[Messy]

Regarding housework, I have tried asking him when he's not tired to help me, so will see how that goes. My main concern, just to clarify, was that I would help him with his work during the day, which is quite tiring because we have a farm, but then at the end of the day my husband would relax, leaving me to cook and clean and wash up while he got to relax.
If that happens again next time, I might just need to bluntly but respectfully tell him that behaviour is not fair.

Thank you all for your suggestions!

Sounds like you both need some rest, order a pizza and buy a dish washer. My dad refused to help my mother with dish washing, he so hated it, he was one of the first people here who bought a dish washer.

 

[mkgal1]

This is pretty much the approach I took, although I admit I did cry a bit trying to explain to my husband regarding the sex thing (because at first he reacted pretty defensively) but what I am saying seems to be getting through. I'm not really a fan of just refusing to fulfill my responsibilities, because I feel a duty to God to do what is right, even if my husband doesn't. Regarding housework, I have tried asking him when he's not tired to help me, so will see how that goes. My main concern, just to clarify, was that I would help him with his work during the day, which is quite tiring because we have a farm, but then at the end of the day my husband would relax, leaving me to cook and clean and wash up while he got to relax.
If that happens again next time, I might just need to bluntly but respectfully tell him that behaviour is not fair.

Thank you all for your suggestions!

You could even allow a certain time frame to help him out, and just say at that point, "well.....I need to get to my list of things to do now" (or give him a half hour---whatever you feel works)....and not even need to make it a discussion.

 

[favoritetoyisjoy]

My sister (the doormat) asked me once: "Why do some men treat their wives like doormats?"

My answer: "Because they can, which is the same reason that some women treat their husbands like doormats."