How do I Establish a Social Network for Myself?

[liars_paradox]

I have a thread with the same exact title in the "Advice" sub-forum. But, I decided to bring this up here, because I wanted to get advice from young adults.

What can I do to establish a social network for myself, especially at work because that might help me live easier. Considering I don't have any friends or family here in this entire state?

Also, keep in mind that I have bad people skills. Which is why I am making this thread in the first place.

Before you give any advice, please review the bulleted summary of advice that people gave on my other threads:

1. Be nice.
2. Volunteer at Homeless Shelters
3. Get a hobby
4. Go to Starbucks or some place regularly, and become a "regular".

Here are my arguments against those:

1. No one cares if you're nice. If you're not careful, people will interpret this as a weakness and walk all over you.
2. I have a full time job. I work from 8 to 10 hours a day, I don't have time to volunteer at a homeless shelter.
3. What exactly is a "hobby" anyways? Before I started working, I used to program games, and was co-coordinator of 2 open source project. But, I can't make friends that way.
4. I used to do that in college. That didn't help either.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. With any luck, things will improve for me.

Also, has anyone seen a speech therapist??? I've been wondering if I should go see one. Does anyone think that this will help, or is it just a waste of my money?

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

So get some people skills. You won't get any by sitting on the intarwebs all day; you need to actually try communicating in public with people and take yourself out of your comfort zone.

1. Somewhat true, mostly not. I don't think people, good people, find being nice as a sign of weakness at all. I find that a lot of people who believe they are good people and nice to everyone are usually the exact opposite and have the personality of rocks or the Grinch.

2. That's good; it keeps you busy and gives you money. Instead of coming home and watching telly or playing on the intarwebs, why not go out? Which leads me to...

3. A hobby is something you do for enjoyment and fun. One thing I've actually found myself doing in the past year is playing trading card games. When we started doing this, we started going to the local game shop for tourneys and release parties which forced us to socialize and play with random people. This is good for us because we don't hang out with a lot of people in our home town, so it forces us to meet new people and socialize. You might try something like that.

Bottom line is that you need to try new things. You probably won't enjoy most of what you do to become an actual hobby, but at least you tried it. You just need to be open.

4. Places like Starbucks are usually not places people want to go and chat with strangers. This is why it's good to find a new hobby so you share a common interest with the person from the start.

 

[firesoforion]

Meetup.com. It's free to join, then you find groups in your area that do stuff you might be interested in or groups you might fit in with (everything from knitting to age specific groups to groups that meet at coffee shops). Everyone there is looking to meet people, so there's no reservations about being someone intruding on another group of friends. I just very recently started, and it took me a while to find a group but I've met with this group about three times now and it's just great. You can even start a group if you want, but it costs $20 a month to host one. Some people find themselves in groups they aren't really compatible with, but if that happens to you, just go to another. You'll find one, maybe even more.

One thing I've heard people say is that if you don't get in age specific groups (of which there are a lot), then you can wind up in groups with people who are drastically older. Not that there's any problem at all with that, but when you're trying to build a social circle, it's something to take into consideration. There are tons for 20s, 20s-30s, and some for specifically recent college grads.

 

[Hokey Smokes]

Hmm, well ... My main piece of advice is really just "get out there and do things". When I was younger, I was a complete introvert with no friends nor social skills, and when I finally made a friend, she dragged me everywhere with her until I was capable of making my own friends. These days, I'm one of the most extroverted people I know. If you're stumped for ideas for how to get out there and do things, here are a couple of ideas:

Do you like reading or writing?

Visit the library! Sure, a lot of people don't like to be bothered at the library, but libraries will often have book club or writer's club schedules up on their noticeboards. If you can't find any, ask the friendly library staff if there's an activity programme anywhere that you can flip through.

Do you like martial arts or other physical activities?

Join a dojo, or if you don't like martial arts, a gym! Learning a martial art not only hones your physical skills and reflexes, but you can learn new things about your own psychology. Additionally, you're around other people of varying skill levels, and if you don't know how to strike up a casual conversation, then you have an opener being handed to you: "How long have you been training?" You can even see if there are any mentoring programmes.

Do you like helping the community?

I know that you said that you work full-time, 8-10 hours a day, but I do too (10-12 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, on top of study) and I still volunteer. It's fun, it's uplifting, you learn about yourself and your community, and you have a great opportunity to make friends. Try volunteering at your local animal shelter or soup kitchen one or two days a month -- they understand work commitments, and are grateful for any help. You'll meet a variety of people: the other volunteers, and in the case of animal shelters, loving people who want to give animals a new home and are always willing to talk to you about their furry friends!

Alternatively -- working bees! Join your community picking up litter on a filthy highway, planting trees in a plain and suffering park or repairing a dilapidated school yard. There's never too many people attending working bees, and all you usually need is a shovel or some tongs. (Tongs I'm not sure about -- I don't know if sausage sizzles are strictly an Australian thing, after all.)

Use the web!

I know I've already mentioned writing -- and maybe you hate writing -- but activities like NaNoWriMo are very good for networking. I think that the next thing they're running is ScriptFrenzy in April, but correct me if I'm wrong. With events like NaNoWriMo, you can start out socialising on the forums, and from there you can attend the write-in meetups that they have. This way, you already know a couple of people that you're going to meet up with, and it's a decent amount of people where you're all coming together to help each other and go slightly mad...

Do you have a niche interest?

Do you like trading card games? Dungeons and Dragons? Perhaps you have an exotic pet fish or you enjoying making beer? There are meet ups for everything under the sun these days, especially if they're 'niche'. Have a quick snoop around the internet (I hear Craigslist is useful, though I've never been there), or go to your community post office / town hall and have a look at the noticeboards. Grab the contact details of anything that catches your interest and start attending!

Does you work have a social club?

This is probably the easiest one to immediately get involved with. Most places of employment that are something a bit more professionally-oriented than check-out-chick have social clubs. If it's not a formally organised social club, then maybe your work mates just enjoy going out for a few beers at the end of the week -- something my housemate's work does -- or maybe your boss takes everybody out for dinner and drinks when it's somebody's birthday / for all the major holidays -- something my work does. Some places will also have formal social clubs, generally $2 a fortnight or a month, where they organise things such as fundraisers, trips to the football and the office Christmas party. By the way, you should go to your office Christmas party. It's not always just people pretending to get along.

 

[Mayflower1]

I started out developing a social network with my church. Many at church are very welcoming, and it has been a pleasure getting to know everyone.

I was always a loner when I was in highschool. I was sort of shy myself. But I also had a lot more problems with depression and I felt alone a lot. I found it is better to just put myself out there and risk rejection. Because at least where I am at, if you find the right people, they will not reject you. I'd observe those around you, see what they are like. And once you find they are trust worthy, take a deep breath in and just ask, if they want to hang out sometime. and don't be afraid if they are much older then you. So many in my support system are women 40 years older then I am. But I know I can trust them and they give me so much advice and wisdom. I enjoy doing things with them. There are not many college age in this area.

As far as a speech therapist, I don't know. I suppose if you get a good one, it is the same as any good doctor.