How do I deal with my son being bisexual?

I have been where your son is now.
I was about 15 or 16.

The main difference was that despite acting on these impulses more than once, I never wanted to be gay and so I fought them every way i could.
It was only when I started to pray that I saw a change.
This might sound stupid but I'm going to describe it anyway...

As I prayed I would picture both sides of my sexuality as two versions of me (think about the scene in Superman 3 where he fights himself) I prayed that God would help me kill the bad 'me'. I would do this day after day.

I am happily married with three children now and it's all thanks to God.
Don't give up hope, He can do all things.

That's a great story Philpy1976! It reminds me of something I heard a very wise man once say: "The me I see is the me I'll be." It is no good saying, "I won't be homosexual." What works far better is to say, "I will be a godly, Christ-like man." Thanks for showing us the power of God at work in your life, Philpy1976, and how consciously turning away from the wrong thing and persistently choosing the right thing powerfully shaped who you are. Truly, the "me" you saw was the "me" you became.

Selah.

rmora82 said:

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

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I think you told him the right thing. And this could be a passing thing which could change as he develops more of an interest in the opposite sex. If he remains bi-sexual he will have to make a choice and with God's help and strength and your continuing support and love he can do that. Be sure to read #61's testimony on here from a happily married man who went through those feelings and received God's strength and help. It is not easy.

peace and prayers.

I haven't read all the replies, but here are a few things that you could talk with your son, which is his relationship with Jesus Christ. Ask him:

Ask him if he believes in Jesus?

Explain to him that believing in Jesus means agreeing with what He says is a sin or not and that those who practice sins can't go to heaven.

Ask him, does he agree what God says that those who practice gay lifestyles cannot go to heaven?

Ask him, do he want to go to heaven?

Ask him, do he want to make a commitment to follow Jesus or to go off track and indulge in lust and sin?

Explain to him that he has to make a decision which path he wants to take and that God loves him and already warned not to take the wrong path to hell.

Then pray hard that he will make a commitment to follow the Lord and resist urges to sin by going to Jesus and sharing those feelings out in open to Him privately while talking with Him.

It is very important for him to understand that our bodies and flesh itself is corrupted and wrong feelings and desires will come up and that we must listen to God about that and let our thoughts agree with Him regardless of the feelings of our bodies.

Maybe you both can read Paul's experience in Romans chapter 6,7 and 8. The more Paul tried to ward off lust, the worse it became. He concluded that his mind agrees with God that it is wrong and separates his mind from his flesh/body which is corrupted. He then thanked the Lord for helping him realize that both are separate and he came to Jesus and asked Him to help with the wrong feelings. He realized he can't resist in his own strength because of the corruption within so he relied totally on God to help him. Your son needs to invite the Lord in this struggle and ask Him to transform him from the within. Not our strength, but His.

Praying that your son gets the help from Christ directly, that is His job to do.

One more I forgot to add, you need to stand firm and say that what he is considering is very wrong and off track.

Keep standing firm. Because if you do not and bend a little, then your son will think it is ok... and when he has children in the future, he probably will train those children that it is alright, satan is very sneaky to break down the foundations in God's words.

susyan said:

Explain to him that believing in Jesus means agreeing with what He says is a sin or not and that those who practice sins can't go to heaven.

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I sinned yesterday, does that mean I'm not going to heaven?

Actually I am pretty sure I have sinned all week and I think probably everyone here has sinned at least once in the past 24hrs.

Oh, but you mean gay sin? Yeah...that is way worse than any other sin. Keep those homosexuals out of heaven. I don't want a fit and fashionable neighbor on my golden street.

aiki said:

"Feelings come and feelings go,
And feelings are deceiving."

So goes the beginning of the famous quotation from Martin Luther. I think he's absolutely right. Feelings are often notoriously deceiving. Satan knows this. He knows it very well, which is why he works to manipulate thought and feeling together in order to decieve us. You need to teach your boy that the Deciever, the Father of Lies, is working to deceive him and through deception hoping to bring him to ruin. The real issue isn't about sexual orientation, but about whether or not to embrace a lie. Your son's feeling for this other boy is a lie - a terribly destructive manipulation right from the devil himself. Protect your son by teaching him the truth about Satan and his evil wiles that lure people into sin and death. Pray for your son. Most of all make very sure you (and your husband) are walking rightly with God. The two of you are to be a spiritual shield of protection for your children. If one or both of you are not walking rightly with God, you open a door through which the demonic will attack your children.

God doesn't just make all our spiritual struggles against our great Enemy the devil vanish. We learn to fight spiritually and to stand strong against the devil's assaults only by facing them and enduring them in God's power. This is what you need to pray for: strength to stand, not to escape the battle entirely.

What do you mean you "cannot judge him"?

YOU are the PARENT. You tell him how things are going to go; don't wait on him to "think about it." He is a child and as such vulnerable, and foolish, and in need of your guidance and protection. Be the parent and take whatever steps you must to help alleviate the pressure of your son's demonically-manipulated feelings. Change schools, or home school, if you must, but do what you have to do to curb the progression of the deception Satan's demonic agents are foisting upon your son.

See above. Again, I can't emphasize enough how important it is for you as his parent to be serving as his spiritual shield. Don't be careless in your own walk with the Lord! (I'm not saying that you are, mind you. It's a "if the show fits, wear it" sort of remark.)

Selah.

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Great advice..

MOD HAT ON



Please remember that the Christian Advice forum is to answer the OP's question, not to debate each other!

MOD HAT OFF

rmora82 said:

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

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Hello

I am bisexual.

The only thing I want to provide to you is that I think you need to understand what you're dealing with better than I think you do and better than most Christians do.

This is a video of a Christian who believes the bible does not condemn homosexuality but mainly he explains his life in a way that you may have not heard and it may help you understand better the nature of this dilemma and through this understanding better help your child.

The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality - YouTube

I am posting this video so you see a different side, so you understand better what you're dealing with, not to promote anything.

Your child was crying, he was afraid. Do not under any circumstances subject that poor person to the typical guilting, destroying therapy that Christians sometimes use.

He needs to be able to stand and face his life with boldness and courage and love, with a smile... no matter what he is THIS FEAR AND SORROW will destroy him and it cannot be allowed to stay. Under no circumstances can he be allowed to feel guilty and afraid, Jesus does not use those things. There are stories of homosexuals trying going through therapy to become heterosexual who contemplated suicide because of how badly it burns them. If Jesus is real and what he said was true there is no reason for fear and guilt, no reason for tears that come from his failure to be as good as he wants to be, he shouldn't be breaking under his desire to serve Jesus... that means you're doing it wrong. Jesus cannot be broken but people, especially children can and that's what fear and guilt do. Don't let that happen to him.

A lot of Christians treat homosexuality as if it the absolute worst sin that anyone could ever commit.

Yes, it is a sin. It pains me to see how society is becoming so accepting of it, and how Christians are deemed closed minded bigots if they don't agree. For that, I understand it being a bit more edgy than certain other things.

But I can very much relate to your son. I struggle every day with sexual immorality - homosexual desires included. If we humble ourselves before God, and realize that we have no power to defeat sin, is he not faithful to guide us?

SlenderMan

A lot of Christians treat homosexuality as if it the absolute worst sin that anyone could ever commit.

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Yeah, it's easy to do that with the sins that you don't struggle with yourself. Homosexuality and fornication (especially nasty sins) ... just happen to be the sins that married Christians are luckily immune to. How convenient.

Everyone sins and it doesn't really matter because of grace, no one really plans to ever stop sinning, but homosexuality must absolutely be stopped. Funny how that works. Funny how the sins we struggle with are ok to keep struggling with and the sins we don't struggle with are completely incompatible with the Christian life.

Homosexuality is one battle the christian religion will lose on. If it doesn't adapt...

SlenderMan said:

A lot of Christians treat homosexuality as if it the absolute worst sin that anyone could ever commit.

Yes, it is a sin. It pains me to see how society is becoming so accepting of it, and how Christians are deemed closed minded bigots if they don't agree. For that, I understand it being a bit more edgy than certain other things.

But I can very much relate to your son. I struggle every day with sexual immorality - homosexual desires included. If we humble ourselves before God, and realize that we have no power to defeat sin, is he not faithful to guide us?

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well, I think to be fair, no one is deeming Christians to be bunch of closed minded bigots just because we don't believe in sex before marriage

I recently watched this video interview of Alan Chambers, the former CEO of Exodus, who issued an apology for stuffing many gay men up by making the false claim reparative therapy works. He also closed the ministry as well, for those of you who are not aware of it.

Anyway, in it he talks about how mainstream Christians are turning the whole gay issue into a culture war, making it nearly impossible to have any kind of proper dialogue with the gay community anymore

Obviously not all Christians are like this, the same applies to gays.

As for accepting of gays?

well I personally think there are pros and cons resulting from it.

I wont discuss the cons here, as they should be obvious to everyone.

as for the pros? well, I am happy to see society are increasing reluctant to let part of Christian community who are not afraid to take scriptures out of context to justify whatever it is they have against the gay sin personally

so yes, while I disagree with homosexual lifestyle, I happy to see that gays cant be hold at guy points and subjected to punishment should they disagree with us and continue in their sins.

I am happy to see most of the society don't take all the lies being perpetuated by part of Christian community on things like gay and paedophilia, promiscuity so on and so forth.

and I am happy that see that it is increasingly difficult to discriminate gays on a legal ground when it comes to employments etc

so yes, accepting is not always bad.

maybe it is God's way of using non Christians to keep us Christians in check, so we cant do whatever we want.

and that is a great thing.

I still remember last year I gave a verbal presentation in for one of my papers on whether being gay is a choice or not, I still remember vividly how many Christians in my class tried to make it difficult for me by behaving rudely, they did not even have enough class to agree and disagree and show some respect when others are presenting their material, the same respect I have shown them.

Maybe next time if I have a chance, I should pick a topic on how Christians are bullying gays in contemporary society, let see what they are going to do about it!

Alvis said:

Homosexuality is one battle the christian religion will lose on. If it doesn't adapt...

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John 7:7 The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify about it that its works are evil.

If the world hated Jesus because He testified openly about sin, how much more will it hate Christians? The word of God tells us:

Luke 21:17

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.

The battle is over; Christ got the victory on the cross. All we need to do is stand in His victory and preach the gospel to every creature, as He commanded. The Lord will be our front and rear guard:

Isaiah 52:12

But you will not go out in haste, Nor will you go as fugitives; For the LORD will go before you, And the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

thesunisout said:

John 7:7 The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify about it that its works are evil.

If the world hated Jesus because He testified openly about sin, how much more will it hate Christians? The word of God tells us:

Luke 21:17

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.

The battle is over; Christ got the victory on the cross. All we need to do is stand in His victory and preach the gospel to every creature, as He commanded. The Lord will be our front and rear guard:

Isaiah 52:12

But you will not go out in haste, Nor will you go as fugitives; For the LORD will go before you, And the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

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You shouldn't really quote Jesus since He never talked about the issue.

Quoting passages out of context to justify spreading hate is not honest.

Alvis said:

You shouldn't really quote Jesus since He never talked about the issue.

Quoting passages out of context to justify spreading hate is not honest.

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Look, I have no authority on this site. But can we not argue these things? The OP has a good standing on the matter and has no need for such griping.

Thesun

The thing to be cautious of is not allowing the gospel to become something people aren't supposed to accept, rather than a message that was supposed to save the world and be accepted by the lost and save the lost.

This great excusing of the gospel becoming more and more rejected is not what Jesus had in mind when he provided it to us and when he died for us. He did not die and give us a message that wasn't supposed to save anyone.

The Christian position becomes that people are supposed to perish.

Alvis said:

Quoting passages out of context to justify spreading hate is not honest.

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It's not honest to say that speaking out about sin is hate. It's hatred not to warn people about sin, or the judgment to come.

OntheHorizon said:

This great excusing of the gospel becoming more and more rejected is not what Jesus had in mind when he provided it to us and when he died for us. He did not die and give us a message that wasn't supposed to save anyone.

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Luke 13:3 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

Jesus didn't mince words about sin. People today want the gospel preached without that hated word, "repent"; it offends their politically correct sensibilities. Jesus was not politically correct about it at all but said quite plainly that if you did not repent of your sins, you would spend eternity in hell. It is from the words of the Lord Himself that you find that doctrine spelled out most clearly.

People don't get saved because we make the gospel palatable to a 21st century audience. They get saved because the Holy Spirit seizes their hearts and convicts them of their sin through the preaching of the word. It's God who converts a person; it's our responsibility to faithfully communicate His message in its entirety. A person who doesn't know they are sick isn't going to accept the cure, not truly. There are plenty of people who have added Jesus to their lives because they think He came to enhance their experience of this world rather than save their lives. They accept Him as Savior but not as Lord. This is because they have no conviction of sin and have no idea why they actually need Him.

Can it go the other way? Most certainly. Satan is not running short of ideas on how to corrupt the efforts of the church. He takes a truth and creates two different extremes from it. For instance, you have hyper grace on one side, legalism on the other. Both are ditches created by Satan for people to fall in, when the truth is in the middle. It is the same with preaching the word. Some people preach all love and no holiness, some people preach all holiness and no love. The truth is in the middle. God sent His Son out of love, but it was His Holiness that required the death of His Son in the first place. Likewise, in all things we should be showing His love, but it is not loving to compromise the truth.

Thesun

My only point was that the gospel is supposed to be received, that's it's purpose, not to be rejected. It's not a justification for people being destroyed. Majoring on it not being... is the wrong direction.

It's not appropriate to say "it's ok if the gospel offends many, Jesus said it would". The purpose of the gospel... is to be received.