How do I deal with my son being bisexual?

Girder of Loins said:

1. It most definitely NOT a phase.

2. You can support him without supporting what he does.

To set the record straight(tongue in cheek), I am gay. But that doesn't mean I'm out there finding guys on craigslist or sneaking out of my parent's house to see a boyfriend. If you respect him, he will respect you. As long as he is respectful of you, he will respect your rules. Set some boundaries and see where this goes. Stay active and be positive! Don't send judgement or condemnation his way, he is already bringing that upon himself. I tried killing myself twice because of how much stress I put on myself to change. You don't want that on your son, do you? He is early on in his life, and while this may be a "phase", don't treat it like that. No need to go overboard and try to "change" him, either.

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sorry for your struggles, brother.

Everything aiki has said to you is absolutely correct. Let's imagine your boy said this to you:

"Mom, I think I am a thief. There is a friend at school who steals things and he invited me to steal with him. I really, really enjoy stealing. I've prayed to God to remove these feelings but I still really enjoy stealing. I'll think about stopping some day"

What would your reaction be? Would you give your boy suggestions about what he should or shouldn't do, or would you put your foot down and absolutely forbid that behavior and bring major correction? I'm guessing you would not tolerate that behavior. So, if breaking one law of God merits corrective action, why does breaking another law get a pass? If it gets a pass then you are not living up to Gods standard as a parent according to the word of God.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it

The world has convinced some Christians to believe the lie that homosexuality is normal, and natural, and that we should tolerate or even embrace it. The fact is, it is only normal and natural for those who are lost because they are carnally minded and spiritually dead. We should never tolerate or embrace homosexuality in the body of Christ. We should be understanding towards Christians who deal with this temptation, and love them and be there for them, but we should not take the position that it is acceptable for a Christian to live that way.

The feelings your son is having have been sown by the devil. Satan is planting a wicked root in your sons life which could become a lifelong stronghold and drive him away from God. You need to nip this in the bud now before he goes any farther with that boy. Do whatever you have to do, including taking him out of that school and homeschooling him. He needs spiritual counseling and needs to understand the warfare that is being waged against him, and how he can take his stand in Christ.

That said, don't condemn him; he knows it is wrong which means he listens to his conscience, and he wants God to heal him which means he knows he needs God to deliver him. Show him love but don't back down. You are his spiritual covering and he needs you to guide him. Now what he needs is a firm hand to guide him on the right path and away from the plan that Satan has for his life. Your son is not bi-sexual, he is a child of God and his identity, sexual or otherwise must be informed by two things: the word of God and His personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Pray about this and ask God to tell you how to handle this, and what measures should be taken. Do not believe the lie that this is natural or acceptable, because in Christ it is not. He will guide you in this process and give you the strength to handle it. I will pray about it too. God bless

thesunisout said:

Everything aiki has said to you is absolutely correct. Let's imagine your boy said this to you:

"Mom, I think I am a thief. There is a friend at school who steals things and he invited me to steal with him. I really, really enjoy stealing. I've prayed to God to remove these feelings but I still really enjoy stealing. I'll think about stopping some day"

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Two problems with your analogy.

1. Thievery is both outlawed in the Bible and in society. Sexual orientation is not outlawed in society, so the analogy falls flat there.

2. The Bible's take is currently in dispute. Hypothetical situation: you don't believe that the Eucharist is Christ's actual body. What you have done is compared the Catholic's belief of Transfiguration to thievery. You see the problem there?

Girder of Loins said:

Two problems with your analogy.

1. Thievery is both outlawed in the Bible and in society. Sexual orientation is not outlawed in society, so the analogy falls flat there.

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What I will say is that stealing isn't wrong because society says it is, it's wrong because God says it is. Homosexuality is also wrong because God says it is, and that is the source of my analogy. Even if society says it is right, it is outlawed by God, and we should obey God rather than men.

Girder of Loins said:

2. The Bible's take is currently in dispute. Hypothetical situation: you don't believe that the Eucharist is Christ's actual body. What you have done is compared the Catholic's belief of Transfiguration to thievery. You see the problem there?

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The bible is very clear about homosexuality. I am not going to debate Catholicism because it will get off topic but a sin is a sin, however man dresses or exalts it.

thesunisout said:

What I will say is that stealing isn't wrong because society says it is, it's wrong because God says it is. Homosexuality is also wrong because God says it is, and that is the source of my analogy. Even if society says it is right, it is outlawed by God, and we should obey God rather than men.

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I'll give you that.

The bible is very clear about homosexuality. I am not going to debate Catholicism because it will get off topic but a sin is a sin, however man dresses or exalts it.

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***** STAFF EDIT ***** Once again, it is a theological question, and one that does not negate salvation. Therefore, comparing an action based on selfishness and mistrust of God and a possible miscommunication of ideals is entirely wrong! You are comparing apples and oranges.

Girder of Loins said:

***** STAFF EDIT***** Once again, it is a theological question, and one that does not negate salvation. Therefore, comparing an action based on selfishness and mistrust of God and a possible miscommunication of ideals is entirely wrong! You are comparing apples and oranges.

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You think the bible is pro-homosexuality? It's not just a theological question; the scripture is clear that homosexuals will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

1 Corinthians 6:9

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

There are teachers out there who will tell you that the bible doesn't really say homosexuality is wrong, just as there are teachers out there who will tell you that Jesus never said He was God. You can find a teacher to confirm just about any belief you want to believe. That isn't how we interpret scripture, however. We believe what we read, not read what we believe. Our teacher is the Holy Spirit and I guarantee you that He never taught you that the word of God condones homosexuality.

I advise love and patience. Show him that you love him regardless, doing so does not show acceptance of a lifestyle/actions. Doing does, on the other hand, show him God's love through you. You can love him and not condone him being in relationships with other men.

And, as he is still young and is bisexual, you cannot yet know if he even will pursue that attraction. He may well stay to women.

But even if he does stray to men, to be polite, does that change that he is your son? Does that change your ability to love him as he is? I would hope not.

I will be honest, as a gay man, I have been fortunate to have understanding parents. And should hope (as it seems from your posts so far) that he does as well.
They do not condone my relationship, and are open and forthright to that end, but they still accept me as their son. They still show their love unto me (and even my partner) without any condemnation nor any encouragement of my actions.

"Love the sinner, despise the sin", as they say. And it does work that way.

I wish, wish, wish, that I could tell you why I believe what I believe. I wish I could go through, verse for verse, and re-interpret those verses and show you why reading the Bible "as-is" is a horrible hermeneutic. But I can't. I can only sit here and listen to those same voices that almost killed me two years ago.

Girder of Loins said:

I wish, wish, wish, that I could tell you why I believe what I believe. I wish I could go through, verse for verse, and re-interpret those verses and show you why reading the Bible "as-is" is a horrible hermeneutic. But I can't. I can only sit here and listen to those same voices that almost killed me two years ago.

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I hope you don't ever feel that way again brother.
The truth is I don't understand homosexuality but NO ONE -- NO ONE knows what God's judgement will be, and every man needs to concern themselves with their own salvation -- not judging someone else.
Peace.

rmora82 said:

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

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1. Calm down.
2. Your son is still young. His personality and sexuality are still developing. This isn't some kind of life sentence of bisexuality or homosexuality on him. He may simply be experiencing feelings and thoughts that are new and unexpected, and he's confused and maybe frightened because of things he's been taught. He's already acknowledged that he knows it's wrong. But the more you make this a life-or-death situation, the harder it will be for him to come to you for advice, help, comfort, etc.
3. Pray for him. Not in a frantic, crazed way, as if he's about to die for having thoughts about boys. But learn to lay this trustingly at God's feet. Cover your son in prayer every single day, not just for this issue, but for all of his issues, his overall safe-keeping, his spiritual purity, etc. Ask God to help you guide your son, love him, and help him, in whatever way will be the most effective.

Yes, these thoughts are sinful, but this is NOT the time to freak out and turn into a mom whose over-reactions will drive her son further away, just when he needs you most. Yes, this is something that is heartbreaking and upsetting for you, but keep those reactions and emotions between you and God. Get alone with God when you need to cry or unleash your own hurt and confusion over this. Your son needs to see a mother who is loving, uplifting, strong, and kind. You can remain firm against sin and still be a safe place for him to come to.

You can find the help you need at this site:

Welcome to TfT | True freedom Trust

True freedom Trust (TfT) is a confidential Christian support and teaching ministry for men and women who accept the Bible's prohibition of same-sex practice and yet are aware of same-sex attractions, or struggle with other sexual and relational issues. We also offer support to families, friends and church leaders of those who face these issues in their lives. Click on About us to find out more about TfT and click Contact TfT to get in touch.

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There is one section aimed at helping people who are in your situation:

Parents' page | True freedom Trust

There have been others who are facing the same situation you are. This site can help you discover the solutions they found.

And to those of you who want to turn this into another "gay debate" thread - STOP IT. For heaven's sakes, how on earth is your arguing going to help this poor mother? Answer her OP with decency and love and then LEAVE IT ALONE. Honestly, the way some of you push your personal agendas anywhere you can possibly get away with it on this site is disgusting. I already know the exact people who were going to jump in here and start proclaiming their opinions as loudly as possible, with no thought whatsoever to whether or not they were actually being helpful or mindful of the OP and her situation! Knock it off!

How old is your son?

rmora82 said:

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

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The important thing is to remember your sons orientation is part of him, and you need to accept that is part of him and love him for who is.

don't do anything that would make him hate his orientation, that is part of his "self".

I hoped you have read that article, it really hit the nutshell for people who struggles with their orientations.

This coming from someone who actually live through this type of thing.

and please don't get him into any type of unproven therapy to change his orientation.

many Christians still seem to not get it, but then they never do.

they think when people like myself talking about this type of thing, I am making a political statement????????

First of all- whatever kind of feelings he's having (gay, straight, or bi) he's still too young for you to allow him to act on any of them. Sexually active fourteen-year-olds always wind up having numerous mental problems. I have seen it over and over and over again (speaking as a former teacher of that age group). Do not give your son the time or the opportunity right now.

Second- make sure he is focused on things that truly matter- faith and education. Kids DO take their cue from their parents in regards to this sort of thing- generally.

Three- the only way either of you can get through anything is by prayer. Prayer is the most important and efficacious thing a Christian can do at any time. Do not underestimate it.

Four- live by example. It's more powerful than anything else- especially to your own kids.

Five- if your son does go on to do things that you disagree with- love him regardless. Love doesn't mean you need to approve of everything either. In the end you can't change or control what other people do- only your own actions.

[Let me note, so you know where I'm coming from, that I don't object to homosexuality.]

Your son is 14. At least among kids I know at our church, actual sexual activity doesn't normally happen for a few years after this. Maybe it's different around you. But unless he's given you reason to think otherwise, you may not want to react as if he's about to have sex with his friend. As others have noted, your attitudes will affect him. This could become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It is very unlikely that he's going to stop being attracted to guys. That doesn't mean he has to marry one or even have sex with one. Staying away from anyone he cares about is probably not a solution that's going to work out in the long run. So you should consider carefully before trying to institute it now.

I don't have anything specific to suggest. But I suggest you think about helping him live with sexual attraction (regardless of gender, since he seems to have both) and manage its effects. Talk with him about what kind of relationships he thinks are good and bad, and why.

rmora82 said:

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

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what you left out of your post is whether or not your son is reborn in Christ; the answer is key to knowing what actions to take.

if he is reborn in Christ, then the feelings he has for this other boy may well be the Love of God wanting to flow through your son to help the other boy; many Christians mistake the Love of God for love for a mate. in this case, explain this to him and help him find ways to minister to the other boy - this is something you can actively participate in. once he realizes that as a reborn believer, any true feelings of love for someone of the same sex, or someone who is married, or someone who is lost would be the Love of God trying to flow through him to help the other person; and he needs to keep his focus on helping the other person.

if he is not reborn in Christ, you priority needs to be making sure he understands the Gospel and his need to know God and be led by Him. his eternal destination is far more important than his potential sexual orientation in this life. just going to church probably won't do this; he needs a male Christian mentor - a Christian 'big brother' kind of thing. seek faith-based Christian resources for Christians struggling with same-sex temptations.

in either case, as a Christian, you also need to be concerned for the other boy; if you can help the other boy come into fellowship with God, you can turn both lives around. consider inviting the other boy over with his parents for a meal and a frank discussion - if you ignore him (or try to forbid your son from having anything to do with him) you might well drive them both away from you and toward this demonic influence. if you find that they support their boy in his same-sex attractions, don't judge them, but rather show them love without agreeing with them.

also key in this is your own relationship with God; if you're not on fire for the Lord, now is the time to build a fire under yourself and stir yourself up in faith so you can hear from God about what to do and when to do it, and be able to bee bold and fearless when you do.

recognize this as the devil trying to steal, kill, and destroy; don't let yourself think of this other boy as the enemy; he's a victim of the devil's lies and you have the Truth. you are not a helpless single mom - you are a child of God; someone demons are afraid of; a channel for the love of God which is the only thing that brings lasting change. you are in the position of power here, not the devil - and your weapons are the selfless Love of God, the authority of Jesus over the devil and his bunch, and the all powerful word of God. God isn't wringing His hands over what to do here, and neither should you. hate the devil, love people, and exercise the faith and authority you have as a child of Almighty God. God chose you, He has faith on you - agree with Him and seek and follow His leading - and do not quit or give up no matter what things look like.

2Co 10:3-6 KJV
(3) For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
(4) (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; )
(5) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
(6) And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

Rom 2:1-4 KJV
(1) Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
(2) But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things.
(3) And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?
(4) Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

Rom 8:35-39 KJV
(35) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
(36) As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
(37) Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
(38) For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
(39) Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1Jn 5:1-5 KJV
(1) Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him.
(2) By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.
(3) For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
(4) For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.
(5) Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?