Have you been medically diagnosed with ocd or assume your behavior meets the criteria? There may be other issues underneath the surface that bear exploring.
I won't repeat what others said but I think it's best if you develop a friendship next time to gauge their character before dating. You'll have an opportunity to see where you land on various issues and if you're aligned in the right places without concern for hurt feelings and impropriety. If you are a courtship is possible.
Spend more time on yourself working through your imperfections with the Lord's help. In your current state the likelihood of marital success is slim. There's too much instability and emotional drama which inevitably compels the other to find relief elsewhere. Whether it's the company of friends, hobbies, or serving in church. You'll drive him away with all the chaos.
Become conversant with what's happening around you and the economy. This provides noble topics for prayer and sensitivity for other's suffering and the difficulties a prospective spouse might face. As things tighten it behooves you to learn household economy and management. Knowing how to stretch a dollar and prepare cost saving meals at home will bless him and lessen expenses.
Tune into homesteading channels on YouTube.
Mary's Nest is a good one and very instructive. If you hope to have children cultivate related skills like gardening and sewing. Hard times are ahead and the more you develop self-sufficient proficiency the more attractive you'll become to possible suitors. If homeschooling appeals feel free to explore it. Classical curriculums are popular (as is Charlotte Mason) and strengthen their mind and deduction.
I encourage you to sharpen your communication and listening skills and develop temperance in the interim. You'll have less arguments and upsets if you learn to speak peaceably and don't succumb to fits and hysterics. Look for communities that emphasize traditional values. Avoid feminist rhetoric and empowerment groups. They'll exacerbate your pride and offer excuses for continuance. You need meekness not more cheerleading.
The number one topic you should focus on is prayer and reading the word. Start your day with both and develop a gratitude practice.
Ann Voskamp has a nice one if you don't know where to begin. Thanking the Lord on a daily basis will help you see your blessings and be more conscionable of the same in others.
You need something to occupy your mind. Do you work, go to school, etc.? You've got too much time on your hands to ponder imaginations. Find something to do. Someone to serve. Something productive that adds to your person. Strife is the devil's domain. Study Proverbs. There's a lot of wisdom in the book and much needed advice for women.
In relation to him, this
article may help. It describes the three type of men and their complements. Look for examples of each in the text. Where do you see yourself and him? Are you aligned or opposites?
The bible says (in respect to wives) "she does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." That's our benchmark. Store it in your heart and don't forget it.
~bella
