How did you know...?

[MusicMelOU]

How did you know that your life partner was the one God had chosen for you?

Also, did you know shortly after dating or right off the bat, or after years of being together?

Just as I like to hear people's testimonies of salvation, I am also curious as to the different ways God has spoken to those about marraige.

I'm not married myself; I got out of a relationship not too long ago because it wasn't as God-centered as it should have been, and in some areas, it was avoidably sinful; the Holy Spirit filled me with the guilt I needed to make me realize that the relationship was not the one that God wanted me to keep for the rest of my life.

I'm a fairly new Christian and I feel like God wants me to be married and have a family someday in the near future. I recently met someone who goes to the same church as myself who has the same values and beliefs as myself in practically every aspect of life along with similar hobbies, interests, and career tracks. We're just friends, but we both have had some struggles in similar situations and have established a great fellowship. It almost seems too good to be true. I've been praying about everything, because I've been having those passing "wow I could see myself maybe married to this guy" thoughts. However, it's just confusing as to whether I am having these thoughts because God is trying to tell me something, or if this is all the fruit of a little crush I have.

I love the fellowship of this message board, so I've felt compelled to share with those who have been there, done that in this area. I am curious to hear your stories and perhaps your advice as well; I feel kind of lost. Having met this person seems too good to be true, simply because of our havings-in-common, and our awesome fellowship, but then again maybe it is supposed to be this way with God's work involved. I'm just not sure...

 

[seebs]

I don't believe in "the one". I think that is a dangerous belief that can lead people to abandon a relationship because they think it will be easier if they just find the right person. I think almost anyone can be the right person if you are both serious about working on your relationship.

So... I didn't "know" that she was the one, but I decided that I would commit to her, and that, in the end, was what made it work.

 

[Tangnefedd]

I think you have to go with what your heart is telling you, not what you THINK God wants, you could be very mistaken. If you love a person, and they love you to the extent that life without them is unthinkable, that is a good enough guide in my opinion, providing they are not already in a relationship!

 

[LuxPerpetua]

I have a story that I don't usually share with non-Christians since they would never believe it, but since I'm among "family" here, I'll tell ya:

My husband and I met in high school. I was a freshman, he a sophomore. We met through a community children's choir on a roadtrip to Washington D.C. to sing at the National cathedral. Well, although Tim and I went to the same high school, since we were in different grade levels, we did not know each other. A few weeks before the choir went to D.C., Timothy joined (I had been a member for 4 years at that point). The first time he came to practice, one of my friends teased me that his name was Timothy (I always seemed to get crushes on guys named Timothy). Well, I didn't think much about it, but I wasn't actively looking for a boyfriend either. The day of the choir bus-trip to D.C. I was getting on the bus and for the first time I saw Tim's eyes looking in my direction. (Yes, I know this sounds corny) but when our eyes first met, I felt God tell me that I was going to marry him. I didn't believe it at all. I actually tested God several times to prove it to me (bad, bad me!) and it worked out every time. No joke. About 6 months after the bus trip, Tim and I had become friends and when I finally told him that I liked him, it finally occurred to him that he liked me, too. Neither of us had been looking for a bf/gf but God put us together, and I'm so glad that He did because we got to be each other's first everything. We dated for 5.5 years, through high school, through a long distance thing while he was in college and I still in high school, and then through both of our college careers before getting married. There was never any doubt, no questioning, no "what if's." I'm not sure there is a soulmate for everyone, but I have no doubt that I married mine. I truly believe that we are one flesh, united in every way. I love our marriage, and I thank God every single day for the treasure I have in Timothy.

What a great thread!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I knew that he wasn't the right one for me LOL- because I didn't have peace about it. And I knew it in my heart. I think you'll know one way or the other.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Music, and everyone else interested in the same question. This is my advice.... if you aren't sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, than don't!!! Don't awaken love until it so desires as song of solomon says- it's so true. Because, well, it is a life long commitment. Wait, you'll know!!

 

[LuxPerpetua]

DITTO Hisbloodformysins!! I could not have said it better.

 

[MusicMelOU]

Music, and everyone else interested in the same question. This is my advice.... if you aren't sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, than don't!!! Don't awaken love until it so desires as song of solomon says- it's so true. Because, well, it is a life long commitment. Wait, you'll know!!

Well, it's not a matter of being unsure, but moreso doubting myself simply because I've known him only 2 weeks!! But i guess reading some of these stories it is possible. What's most important now is developing that deep friendship. Cause if I do that then the answer will go from a whisper to a scream.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I apologize in advance if this post sounds preachy... I have a rather personal interest in the subject.

As a girl who was engaged two short months ago and has been burned more than once by the whole "the one" bit.... I'd advise you to be very careful.

I wouldn't trust "signs" from God if I were you... I already made that mistake when I was younger (not saying you're doing this... but saying this as a word of caution just in case ). Nor would I rush things.... you've only known him two weeks. If he really is the right man for you, God will work it out. And, if he isn't the right man for you, God will make that clear to you too.. in HIS time, not your own.

LuxPerpetua, that is a really sweet story. I wish mine could have turned out in a similar way... I always wanted a "dream" to come true in that manner. Perhaps it isn't too late for me... I don't know. From hearing stories such as yours, that would lead me to believe there IS a "right one" for some people... and for others, there is no one; we make the decision to commit and God basically has "veto power." Hehe. God doesn't deal with everyone in the same way... and relationships and marriages are never alike, what with the variety of people in this world.

 

[MusicMelOU]

I don't think it's too late for you; heck, you're younger than I am lol. God's using this situation that you went through with your ex-fiance to strengthen you.

I guess I have a hard time telling still as a relatively new Christian what exactly is God's call on some stuff and what is not. I've heard someone describe it as "when you start out as a Christian, God's calling to what He wants for your life starts out as a distant echo, and the longer you are a Christian and the better you get to know God, the clearer it gets".

 

[Cordy]

Hi MusicMeIOU,
I think this thread might be helpful for you as well:
http://www.christianforum.com/t101090

 

[MusicMelOU]

Thanks so much for the link!!! Yeah, that is exactly what I am wondering; if I'm a freak or not for thinking something about someone I've known for not long.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Well Music, I will say that my grandma and grandpa knew eachother less than that, and they have been married for 24 years now- and will go the distance I'm sure. But listen, ok, really. Only you know. Really. And if it's the wrong decision than it will only hurt you, not any of us, not others out there. I tell you this because I talked myself into believing that marrying my hubby was right. I didn't want to believe it was wrong. And I have paid the consequences. My only advice here is that you really give it some time and prayer. Really consider what is in your heart. And if then you don't feel right about this- than well, you might have to deal with temporary discomfort of breaking it off or whatever, but it will be ultimately good. ON the other hand, who knows, I think that is a short time and there might be things about him you don't know, well, that's a really short time- just realize that getting married will be a learning experiance. LOL. Hey, I'm not trying to discourage you here. Only you know what is in your heart. I knew in my heart it was wrong. Though I ignored everyone's advice, and told myself it would be ok- that God would bless it anyways. And I'm here to say that that was the worst decision I have ever made in my life. And now, 5 years later, still am suffering a great deal because of it. Again, I repeat myself- really be open to what your heart says. Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly, it's a life long commitment. And if you are one of those that is willing to get a divorce, realize that divorce is traumatizing and very difficult. Leaves everyone feeling worthless, like failures, and increases your risk of getting a divorce again. Hmm, but I'm not speaking from experiance on that one. May you be lead to have open eyes, and be blessed in whatever decision you make. God Bless you music (cute cat)

 

[MusicMelOU]

Hey don't worry guys, I'm not planning on marrying anyone right away; I realize the importance of patience and taking time to develop the friendship, but it's just thought that it was possibly unusual for me to have "wow I could see myself marrying this guy" thoughts.

 

[Svt4Him]

The Bible says you are blessed when you find a good wife, so I went looking, and found one. I didn't know she was the one until the day of our wedding. Well, when I signed the paper, she became the one.

 

[Flipper]

I apologize in advance if this post sounds preachy... I have a rather personal interest in the subject.

As a girl who was engaged two short months ago and has been burned more than once by the whole "the one" bit.... I'd advise you to be very careful.

I wouldn't trust "signs" from God if I were you... I already made that mistake when I was younger (not saying you're doing this... but saying this as a word of caution just in case ). Nor would I rush things.... you've only known him two weeks. If he really is the right man for you, God will work it out. And, if he isn't the right man for you, God will make that clear to you too.. in HIS time, not your own.

LuxPerpetua, that is a really sweet story. I wish mine could have turned out in a similar way... I always wanted a "dream" to come true in that manner. Perhaps it isn't too late for me... I don't know. From hearing stories such as yours, that would lead me to believe there IS a "right one" for some people... and for others, there is no one; we make the decision to commit and God basically has "veto power." Hehe. God doesn't deal with everyone in the same way... and relationships and marriages are never alike, what with the variety of people in this world.

I think God sends the wrong people to you on purpose so you know the right person when he does come along. When I was your age, I had one of the wrong people. Taught me lots.

I kind of suspected with mine, but I had been burned a few times in the months before meeting him (long story), so I would pray twice a day not for him to be the one, but if he isn't, to reveal that quickly because I'm getting tired of this dating stuff and am thinking about just staying single forever. I have never seen God lead a relationship like this. The timing was impeccable. He proposed right before I was going to sign a lease on my apartment. Good thing, because then I could stay at my parent's and save money for the wedding (which didn't work after a few months and I ended up moving in with him - another long story). It's been 5 years - he's the one. I feel comfortable saying that.

 

[mpshiel]

Well, one of the things that really worried me when we were going out was "Is this just hormones or is this God bringing us together?"

So I tried to make all safty nets:

Going on a long train trip with her (if we could stand each other after 6 days, we must be meant for each other right?)
Councilling
Trying to have a long distance relationship
Trying to have a long engagement

In the end, while I really felt it was God, I just couldn't be sure. So we made the leap of faith. And now, every year we look back and see how much better we are for each other. And we know that God is the reason for that. Sure people have really doubted whether it would work or whether it will still work. But that is really them trying to project onto our relationship. We are more open with each other and closer than before. Or to paraphrase: I know of the loving look and embrace that will greet me when I see God because through her, in part, I already have.