I just met this guy at work a couple of weeks ago, and he has really started to like me. He's always hanging around me, buying me cokes, just showing me a lot of attention in general. He's even mentioned that he wants to go out with me sometime. The problem is that he is a buddhist, so even if I were interested in a relationship with this guy, I couldn't do anything about it. I want to let him down when I see him this weekend, but I've never had to do this before, any advice?
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How can I turn him down?
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Stanfi
Senior Veteran
First, I want to applaud you for your maturity in realizing and seeking a right way to go about this. Amen!!
The key is to be clear and honest. When the situation comes up you can say "Thank you, but I am not interested in going out with you". If the question is raised as to why, then you can say something like "I am a Christian, and I only go out with Christians".
At that point you have made your position clear, so there should not be any misunderstandings. If you dodge him, or keep putting him off or try to avoid him, then this is just going to cause him a lot of confusion.
Due to some of my past experience, when it come to situations of the heart, I adamatly feel that you must be clear, prompt and honest. Granted the intial let down will sting a little bit, but will hurt no were near as bad as the pain, as being strung along for months on a feeling of false hope.
I hope this helps.
The key is to be clear and honest. When the situation comes up you can say "Thank you, but I am not interested in going out with you". If the question is raised as to why, then you can say something like "I am a Christian, and I only go out with Christians".
At that point you have made your position clear, so there should not be any misunderstandings. If you dodge him, or keep putting him off or try to avoid him, then this is just going to cause him a lot of confusion.
Due to some of my past experience, when it come to situations of the heart, I adamatly feel that you must be clear, prompt and honest. Granted the intial let down will sting a little bit, but will hurt no were near as bad as the pain, as being strung along for months on a feeling of false hope.
I hope this helps.
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I wouldn't have a problem dating a Buddhist, and that is a long story that i won't go into here. But if I were you, I would be straight up with him, rather than leaving him hanging
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I wouldn't tell him it's cause he isn't christian...though that is a choice only for you to make, it will just hurt him...but as they said above you could use it as a chance to share Christ with him, so why don't you suggest being friends...everyone can always use another good friend...just tell him you think he's cool and would love to hang with him sometime, but don't really want to get involved right now.
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72_Chev_Truck
Cookie Monster
secretdawn said:
I agree with you completely secretdawn, I made the mistake of telling a girl i wouldnt date her because she wasnt a christian. Then she attempted to become one and fell out of it quickly because it had no true base.
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I am having almost the same problem...a guy at work is interested and i am not because his lifestyle isnt parallel with mine. Anyway, I really enjoy his company and he is nice, but his religious practice is empty. I try and share my take on faith with him. He doesnt seem to be interested in this important facet of my life, so hes losing interest. I dont know how this is going to help you, if at all. i just think that if its meant to be it will be. if not he will get the point and lose interest. yeah, im not much help, sorry.
God bless!!
God bless!!
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Although I agree that telling him you won't date him because he's a Christian is not a good idea, fact is that I have known people who have been saved through people telling them this, and it may seem a kind of superficial reason for coming to Jesus, but leading to a 30 year+ relationship with Jesus my friend has, the superficial beginnings pale into the background. But it can go the other way too, leading to hurt and anger. So I guess you really have to pray to God for His leading, and do your best with what he says.
I've had almosr every possible rejection by a girl, but the false ones hurt the most. One girl said she'd go out with me and gave me her number, I left a message a few days later, and she never called, but every time I see her she says we'll have to organise something. She was a nice person, but possibly too nice to tell me the truth. Saying that you just want to be friends hurts too (unless you mean to back it up and be a true friend). Whatever road you take, none of it is going to be easy (unless you by chance are moving to France in the next few weeks). But the truth is always going to be the easiest in the long run.
I've had almosr every possible rejection by a girl, but the false ones hurt the most. One girl said she'd go out with me and gave me her number, I left a message a few days later, and she never called, but every time I see her she says we'll have to organise something. She was a nice person, but possibly too nice to tell me the truth. Saying that you just want to be friends hurts too (unless you mean to back it up and be a true friend). Whatever road you take, none of it is going to be easy (unless you by chance are moving to France in the next few weeks). But the truth is always going to be the easiest in the long run.
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
Tell him that your love for God is very strong, and dating someone who does not love him would hurt you. Actually, tell him whatever you want so long as it is the truth.
BE HONEST. Honesty is best EVERYTIME
BE HONEST. Honesty is best EVERYTIME
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Learnin'2-4Give
Regular Member
Well, I'm an old lady of 43 here on the board--been single all 43 of the years too. The guy isn't asking you to marry him, right? What's wrong with just going out with him for a pizza or to a movie and just have some fun? You just might make a good friend--and who couldn't use more good friends.
If you're just not comfortable doing that though, than just be honest, because honesty is the best policy. (and don't let him buy you any more cokes--lol!)
--Julie
If you're just not comfortable doing that though, than just be honest, because honesty is the best policy. (and don't let him buy you any more cokes--lol!)
--Julie
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You could tell him you don't date nonChristians. I think the direct approach is best here. If he has told you he is Buddhist he would look stupid if he changed religions just to be with you so I wouldn't worry about him doing a fickle conversion like I might with someone who has no spiritual base. Of course the differences may make for good conversation in the context of a friendship. Whatever you do try to keep a dialoge going with him as you may end up witnessing.
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I don't think you should tell him you won't date him because he is not a Christian. I think you should say you just want to be friends. To say it is because he is not a Christian may imply that you think you are better then him or he is less than a person. I think it could ruin your witness but to say you want to be friends that keeps the door open to witness. Also, decline when he offers to buy you cokes etc. because you don't want to lead him on. You can even tell him you don't want to lead him on because you just want to be friends.
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jenptcfan
My cup runneth over
I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him you're a Christian and one of the things you look for in guys you date is a strong belief in Christianity. That's not the same thing as implying you think you're better than him. You could follow it up by saying that you appreciate him always being kind to you and being a good friend and tell him you hope that you can continue being friends. That way he isn't left with confusion about whether or not you might like to date him later, etc. To me, it's much more unkind to leave a question in the other person's mind about whether or not they should continue to pursue you.
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