How can I support my son?

[queenanne]

My son is 15. I found out he self harmed last year and was of course very upset. His dad and I helped him through it and he stopped.

I have just found out that he has started harming himself again as he's feeling depressed. I want to just come straight out with it and ask what is on his mind and encourage him to talk to me (not an easy task as he's always been a quiet lad) in the hope that we can work through this together. Is this the right thing to do? How can I help him to stop when he gets the urge?

I'd like to get him to counseling but I think it would be a fight.

What is the best thing for me to say? I'm terrified for him and don't want to make him feel worse.

 

[warrrior4him007]

oka i have a few ideas these are just suggestions
1 what type of ppl dose he hang out with may be try to find him a group of young adults like big sisters or brothers age to him get him in consuling and maybe if he will let u share with him other ways like snapping a rubber band round his wrist or putting a ice cube on his wrist when he feels he needs to cut buy him a jornal he is cutting becuse posbbily hes very angry /and possibly he feels like a failure at life

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

Hey

Try and let him know that you are there to talk if he wants to, I would suggest you don't be very nosey tho because if he is quite by nature you can sometimes end up with your son wanting you to stay out of his life even more. If you can sit down with him one day and just ask why he is doing it, if he doesn't tell you then dont force him to tell you. From personal experience I hate feeling like I'm being forced to tell someone something. Another thing is when he gets home from school, ask how was his day and if he is thr type of person who answers the same everyday, try this method. He tells you if it has been better or worse than the day before.

Lastly just show him love.

God Bless Ya
Nat

 

[meetwithyouagain]

I think that you should definitely let him know that you are going to be there for him and that you love him no matter what. I wish that my parents had tried to deal the the problem behind the cutting before forbidding the cutting itself. I guess just make sure to do your best to make him feel comfortable expressing himself in front of you.

You're both in my prayers.

 

[queenanne]

oka i have a few ideas these are just suggestions
1 what type of ppl dose he hang out with may be try to find him a group of young adults like big sisters or brothers age to him get him in consuling and maybe if he will let u share with him other ways like snapping a rubber band round his wrist or putting a ice cube on his wrist when he feels he needs to cut buy him a jornal he is cutting becuse posbbily hes very angry /and possibly he feels like a failure at life

I'm trying real hard to try and work out why. His friends are really nice lads though apparently they gave him some stick when they found out. I love the rubber band idea, I wouldn't of thought of that right now. Thanks

 

[queenanne]

Hey

Try and let him know that you are there to talk if he wants to, I would suggest you don't be very nosey tho because if he is quite by nature you can sometimes end up with your son wanting you to stay out of his life even more. If you can sit down with him one day and just ask why he is doing it, if he doesn't tell you then dont force him to tell you. From personal experience I hate feeling like I'm being forced to tell someone something. Another thing is when he gets home from school, ask how was his day and if he is thr type of person who answers the same everyday, try this method. He tells you if it has been better or worse than the day before.

Lastly just show him love.

God Bless Ya
Nat

Thanks. He knows how much I love him, he knows I'm always there for him and you're right if I did try and push him to tell me, he'd clam up completely. I will tread very carefully and I definitely won't push him.

 

[queenanne]

I think that you should definitely let him know that you are going to be there for him and that you love him no matter what. I wish that my parents had tried to deal the the problem behind the cutting before forbidding the cutting itself. I guess just make sure to do your best to make him feel comfortable expressing himself in front of you.

You're both in my prayers.

You know that's what I'm trying to do. Work out why he feels the need to it. I think I'm getting somewhere but I need him to tell me. I am so tempted to say him, 'I know you are depressed and this is what I think caused it. Now let's talk about it and see what we can do'. Is that a good thing to say? I'm not convinced it is.

I found out a week ago and will be talking to him in the next few days. I couldn't speak to him before as he's away for the week. This time has given me the opportunity to really let it sink in and try to work out the best way around it.

I think the hardest thing has been putting my feeling about it all to one side and concentrating on him and what he needs right now. I mustn't let my fear and panic get in the way of doing what is best for him.

Thank you all and God bless you

 

[mariachigirl]

There are also other suggestions under the "how to de-escalate an emergency sticky. I can immagine how rough this must be for you. You all are in my prayers.

 

[meetwithyouagain]

You know that's what I'm trying to do. Work out why he feels the need to it. I think I'm getting somewhere but I need him to tell me. I am so tempted to say him, 'I know you are depressed and this is what I think caused it. Now let's talk about it and see what we can do'. Is that a good thing to say? I'm not convinced it is.

I found out a week ago and will be talking to him in the next few days. I couldn't speak to him before as he's away for the week. This time has given me the opportunity to really let it sink in and try to work out the best way around it.

I think the hardest thing has been putting my feeling about it all to one side and concentrating on him and what he needs right now. I mustn't let my fear and panic get in the way of doing what is best for him.

Thank you all and God bless you

That could work. Maybe you could ask him if he knows why he is depressed, and if he doesn't say anything or doesn't know, then tell him what you think.
I have seen my mother ache over me, and I'm sorry that you're having to feel all of this. I'll pray for strength, peace and comfort for you, and also that your son would be able to be open with you. Let me know how things go.

 

[queenanne]

There are also other suggestions under the "how to de-escalate an emergency sticky. I can immagine how rough this must be for you. You all are in my prayers.

Thankyou I've not seen that. God bless you

 

[queenanne]

That could work. Maybe you could ask him if he knows why he is depressed, and if he doesn't say anything or doesn't know, then tell him what you think.
I have seen my mother ache over me, and I'm sorry that you're having to feel all of this. I'll pray for strength, peace and comfort for you, and also that your son would be able to be open with you. Let me know how things go.

As it's the summer holidays and my other children are here most of the time too, it's been very difficult trying to get time on our own. My daughter is very nosey so needs to be out somewhere and not just in another room. This extra time I've had has made me over think everything. One thing I wonder is if I tell him what I think has caused his depression, will he just agree with me to 'get rid of me'?

I really must stop over analysing.

Thankyou for your support. God bless you

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Thankyou I've not seen that. God bless you

You can find it here .

 

[queenanne]

You can find it here .

Brilliant! Great list, thanks.

 

[meetwithyouagain]

As it's the summer holidays and my other children are here most of the time too, it's been very difficult trying to get time on our own. My daughter is very nosey so needs to be out somewhere and not just in another room. This extra time I've had has made me over think everything. One thing I wonder is if I tell him what I think has caused his depression, will he just agree with me to 'get rid of me'?

I really must stop over analysing.

Thankyou for your support. God bless you

I don't know how your relationship is with him, but it's possible that he would agree to 'get rid of you.' Hopefully you will be able to get some time together since school is starting soon, and you can only pray that he will be open and honest with you. Talking and therapy are both good, but change can only take place if he wants it to.

Jesus can change and heal him, and I believe that He will.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3 also.. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

I hope that these can offer some comfort to you.

 

[queenanne]

I don't know how your relationship is with him, but it's possible that he would agree to 'get rid of you.' Hopefully you will be able to get some time together since school is starting soon, and you can only pray that he will be open and honest with you. Talking and therapy are both good, but change can only take place if he wants it to.

Jesus can change and heal him, and I believe that He will.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3 also.. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

I hope that these can offer some comfort to you.

We have a pretty good relationship. We spend time together and have laughs, he just finds it hard to open up and not just with me.

I believe Jesus can heal him. My son used to be an atheist, until I prayed for him and suddenly he found God, or God found him. My next prayer is for my son to listen to God's word and to open up a little.

Thankyou. God bless you

 

[Nobility]

Hugs...
Keep on praying for him - Jesus is a good part of the answer and he can help him You are so precious to Jesus... Remember to get some "mum" time too ok?

 

[queenanne]

Hugs...
Keep on praying for him - Jesus is a good part of the answer and he can help him You are so precious to Jesus... Remember to get some "mum" time too ok?

You know I've seen a happier boy today! He's said he wants to join the police force as he wants to make a difference. I told him, good for you and how proud I am of him as not many kids I know think like that. Well my daughter does, she wants to be a paramedic so that she can help and care for people. I told her too how proud I am. That said, they all know that as long as they are happy in whatever career they choose, I will back them and help them 100%

I know Jesus is stepping in and leading him the right way and lifting his spirit. He is also lifting mine, or rather starting to. I know I'm not getting the time for me, but when I see a bigger change in my son, I know I'll be able to relax more.

God bless

 

[meetwithyouagain]

Glad to hear such news