How can I stop "stalking" my ex?

[Spunkn]

I made this thread almost a month ago and I have made just a little progress. I'm getting better but I'm still not over them. I keep praying to God to help me now, but I still feel the same way.

Any progress is good, even if it doesn't seem like much

 

[itdepends]

I made this thread almost a month ago and I have made just a little progress. I'm getting better but I'm still not over them. I keep praying to God to help me now, but I still feel the same way.

First of all, I don't think you're going to have much success getting over them as long as you continue to view them through a filter that is one of "lies":

* you're not pathetic, you're hurt and vulnerable
* you're not creepy, if the relationship meant a lot to you, then you won't get over it in just a day.

I've known stalkers ... they sit outside homes, follow people to work, etc and so forth. They don't take no for an answer, they won't go away when asked. In other words, they violate other people's space and boundaries with their obsession.

I think the internet makes feeding habits extremely easy .... so in that sense, looking at his FB and such may keep opening your wounds and help fuel the fires of not letting go. However, I don't think it's quite the same as *stalking*. Unless you're trying to crack his passwords and hunt down his friends and this and that ... you're not "letting go". And you're not letting go because you were attached to someone that meant something to you. Again, it's not pathetic, so stop judging yourself by societies cold and heartless standards.

Relationships effect us ... even the ones we DO move on passed. They still leave a mark, and even decades later you can run into that person and realize you were holding onto things you never realized you were, etc and so forth. We are dynamic, complicated beings lol

Having said all of that .... and having been on both sides of the fence of being broken hearted as well as breaking a heart (unfortunately) ... I can say that there is something to be said for going cold turkey. Even though it hurts. And it hurts, because it leaves a void and a wound gushing with blood that you just want to stop.

However, you don't have to just bleed and bleed alone. That is what "rebound" relationships are for. They help you get back up on your feet. You lean on someone else, find companionship in another, you fill your void, and then when you are back on your feet, you can better look at yourself. The hardest part about such relationships, are that they are usually very deep, intense, and involve a lot of healing and "soul surgery". They aren't the "drama free, just fun" types all the time lol. You break down, open up, show your wounds and parts that need special attention which may have "festered". And they don't always last forever. Sometimes two people help each other out, and at the end of that road, it's like being released from the hospital and going on with your life. If you care about someone openly and honestly though, the "rebound" relationship isn't one of "using" another person selfishly, it's one of normal human relationships in our time of need.

If I were you, I might consider going completely cold turkey ... and then forcing myself to go on some dates. Even if it's just to make yourself go out just to "have fun". Yeah you might find yourself talking about your ex. And yeah it might turn someone off. But eventually you will find yourself enjoying yourself, and you will probably find yourself someone who may have the simliar issue as you ... they need help moving on also. They will talk about their ex, you will talk about yours ... or they will at least be willing to listen and love.

I've had these relationships before, on both sides ... being the one who needed to cry and talk for hours about where I was at, what they did to me, how I felt. Right or wrong, I let it all out. And likewise I've been that for others ... I didn't see it as a person who was messed up or pathetic. I saw it as a person who needed someone while they were down, and instead of kicking them I got down there with them. If I didn't have those people in my life, I don't know how I would have gotten through some of the times I did But it did involve opening up, turning my back on the past, and looking to the present as it was and a new possible future.

It's called a process for a reason, and so maybe you should consider getting yourself out there to find someone whom you can lean on and cry with and change your obsessive focus and rebound, getting back on your feet.

 

[PrayerandPeace]

I'm happy to say I finally don't care about him anymore. After actually seriously devoting my time to the Lord praying and reading the bible, He has finally answered my prayer.

 

[Echetus]

You should get arrested for it. Go out there, stalk him, and get arrested for it. Youll learn your lesson.