How can I stop "stalking" my ex?

[PrayerandPeace]

I didn't know where else to post this, so I posted it in Christian Advice, since I am a Christian and has asked God for help.

We were together since 2009 and parted ways in late 2012, when we parted ways I had a broken heart for a while. I asked God to please help me get over them. I still lurk (lurk is another word for stalk I guess..) on their facebook/twitter page like everyday, just to see what they are up to. For the month of February I said I was going to stop. So what I did was for the first couple of days, was not going lurk on their page at all, and I would put an X on the day where I didn't lurk. I did this well for 3 days and fell right back in. I have asked God to help me terribly, and I guess he's tried of hearing from me about this simple problem. I know I should be able to stop caring about them on my own, but I can't. It was a bond that was formed over 3 years and you just can't up and stop caring about someone like that, well atleast I can't. Me and my family went to church for the new year, and the pastor was preaching about "Stop your addictions, and you can't do it without God" something of that nature, I felt as though this was directed towards me since they were my addiction. I made a promise to myself, that I would stop caring about them for the new year..and almost 2 months later..I'm still here. Maybe God isn't helping because he knows I truly don't want to stop caring for them? But I DO! I truly want to just forget that they ever happened. I know I sound pathetic, but I really want some Christian/Biblical advice.

Thank you.

 

[krugerpark]

by not stalking him. next question

 

[Spunkn]

I don't think it's pathetic, nor would I consider it actual stalking. You are just having a hard time accepting the fact that the relationship in which you put so much time and emotions into is over.

The thing about addictions is they are not actually the problem. Your "stalking" is not the problem. It is a symptom. So what is the actual problem?

I can't say for sure without more information, but I'm guessing is that when you were in a relationship with this guy, you felt accepted. You felt loved. You felt alive. Now that you have broken up, that feeling is gone. And you want it back. You lurk on his facebook / twitter etc in hopes that someday he'll post on there that he misses his relationship with you and wants to get back together. You long for that post where he says he was wrong and that he'll come back to you.

So I think you need to learn to accept yourself more, and that's going to be somewhat of a process. I'm still working on it myself. But the more you accept yourself, the less you will -need- someone else or that certain relationship to fill the hole. The more you focus on God, the less you will be dependant on others for their acceptance and love.

Read into Scriptures about how much God loves us. We are children of God as Christians.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God loves you for who you are, not because of what someone else thinks about you. Focus on what God thinks about you, and not trying to gain the acceptance of this other person so much.

Telling yourself "I'm just going to stop ______" fill in the blank with "stalking", alcohol, drugs, or whatever just isn't going to work. It's going to make you feel worse when you fail. Because you will probably fail. Then you'll beat yourself up for failing, and it becomes a viscious cycle.

What's something that you enjoy / makes you happy? Whenever you feel low, and are reminded of the relationship you had, and are tempted to go lurking choose another activity.

So whenever I feel like lurking I will

A) Go for a walk
B) read a book
C) call a friend
D) post on the forums and talk to people there
E) read Scripture
F) listen to music

or whatever else you can think of

Get into the habit of doing something else and replacing lurking with something else. You have a habit of lurking because you want to feel accepted again. Get into the habit of replacing the bad habit with a new one. One that makes you feel good about yourself, and reminds you that you are a child of God and you are already accepted and loved.

Hope this helps.

 

[Passionate Chicken]

Why obsess over someone who doesn't want anything to do with you?

It's been years. Move on. Find someone who does. He wasn't going to treat you the way you deserved to be treated which is why he's not in your life now.

You gotta know you're better than this. He's not all that or he wouldn't have left you. Now you want to know what he's doing in his life? Easy. Same things he did when you were part of it. He is who he is and it's not your fault you broke up. People make choices.
Move on and let yourself find someone who deserves you and you him.

 

[turkle]

Them? How many people are you talking about?

To answer your question, you have a choice: you can hold on to the past and make yourself miserable, or you can choose to let go and move on. That also means choosing to not look at facebook pages. That part is simple. But I think that you are really asking how to get over a lost love. That takes time. It also takes action on your part to put it behind you and move on. The feelings will fade over time.

In your shoes I would pray that God would direct my thoughts and take each one captive. He is faithful to lead you in the way that you should go.

 

[Pal Handy]

I didn't know where else to post this, so I posted it in Christian Advice, since I am a Christian and has asked God for help.

We were together since 2009 and parted ways in late 2012, when we parted ways I had a broken heart for a while. I asked God to please help me get over them. I still lurk (lurk is another word for stalk I guess..) on their facebook/twitter page like everyday, just to see what they are up to. For the month of February I said I was going to stop. So what I did was for the first couple of days, was not going lurk on their page at all, and I would put an X on the day where I didn't lurk. I did this well for 3 days and fell right back in. I have asked God to help me terribly, and I guess he's tried of hearing from me about this simple problem. I know I should be able to stop caring about them on my own, but I can't. It was a bond that was formed over 3 years and you just can't up and stop caring about someone like that, well atleast I can't. Me and my family went to church for the new year, and the pastor was preaching about "Stop your addictions, and you can't do it without God" something of that nature, I felt as though this was directed towards me since they were my addiction. I made a promise to myself, that I would stop caring about them for the new year..and almost 2 months later..I'm still here. Maybe God isn't helping because he knows I truly don't want to stop caring for them? But I DO! I truly want to just forget that they ever happened. I know I sound pathetic, but I really want some Christian/Biblical advice.

Thank you.

It is human nature...

You have been rejected and so you are looking for signs in the one who
rejected you, hoping that they have missed you and are sorry you are not in their life.

Its not going to happen.....

Sounds like to me he has moved on and you have not.

The trouble with living in the past is that you are stunting or hindering your future.

God will not make you stop looking backward and rueing over what you think you have lost.

God will not demand that you stop dwelling on your past as you ignore His plans for your future.

The only way you can get through this is with God's help.

Have you repented for any sin in this relationship with this man?

If you haven't then you need to as you confess your faults to God and ask Him to forgive you and
this man for your sins as your surrender your life or rededicate yourself to God in Christ anew.

I know you have prayed that God "help YOU" get over this but God cannot
help you until you are willing repent from any sin, give up your old boy friend to Him
as you forgive him and pray that God would bless his life that is apart from you.

This is what is required to go forward....

Repent from any sin, forgive him, do not seek his misery or sorrow and bless him in Jesus name
and ask God to cut the cord or bond that you have shared with this man.

For these very reasons as you have described in your hurt, sorrow and looking backward,
God has told us that it is wrong for us to join ourselves to another outside of marriage.

God's way is best.

Have you learned your lesson?

Are you willing to go forward in God's way and live your life
according to His will and plan for your life?

Are you willing to allow Jesus Christ to be your Lord?

 

[quitespirit]

It sounds like you are emotionally attached to him. I feel ya. I'm realizing that just because we have an emotion doesn't mean we have to act on it. It is hard, but we can choose to act out of principle instead of feelings. When you look at his page, after deciding not to, after praying about it, and still do? You are not exercising self control. Why? I imagine you are letting your emotions lead your choices.

I would decide if you personally feel convicted by God about this behavior. Does it please God? If you think it does not, I would make a decision in faith. "I will not let my feelings direct my choices. I am not mastered by my feelings. I have the Holy Spirit, and God is my master. I am more that a conqueror!"

I chose to make the temptation to check up on ex-BF a bit easier by deactivating my Facebook page. The consequence for my going and looking? Emotional pain. it is not worth it!

I hope that if you chose to discipline your emotions that it will also help you in letting go of the past. Cast your anxieties on God, because he cares for you. Trust in Gods will for your life. Let Go! Why? Because if He wanted this man for you you would have him. God has bigger better plans for you. Let go of the past, live in today, and patiently hope for the future that God has great things planned for his beloved child. I say this to myself, btw.

Check out this song. I am dealing with the same kinda breakup pain you are, and I find this song speaks to me where I am:
Let Go - DeWayne Woods - YouTube

 

[HIS Geeky Girl]

You don't need advice. You know what you're doing is stupid, unhealthy, and downright creepy (IMO). You know you need to stop it. You want someone to pat your back and tell you it's OK and it's understandable, etc etc. Sorry, but I'm not going to do that STOP STALKING YOUR EX. STOP IT.

 

[Mariusch]

Shall pray for you tonight.May Jesus heal you.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

I didn't know where else to post this, so I posted it in Christian Advice, since I am a Christian and has asked God for help.

We were together since 2009 and parted ways in late 2012, when we parted ways I had a broken heart for a while. I asked God to please help me get over them. I still lurk (lurk is another word for stalk I guess..) on their facebook/twitter page like everyday, just to see what they are up to. For the month of February I said I was going to stop. So what I did was for the first couple of days, was not going lurk on their page at all, and I would put an X on the day where I didn't lurk. I did this well for 3 days and fell right back in. I have asked God to help me terribly, and I guess he's tried of hearing from me about this simple problem. I know I should be able to stop caring about them on my own, but I can't. It was a bond that was formed over 3 years and you just can't up and stop caring about someone like that, well atleast I can't. Me and my family went to church for the new year, and the pastor was preaching about "Stop your addictions, and you can't do it without God" something of that nature, I felt as though this was directed towards me since they were my addiction. I made a promise to myself, that I would stop caring about them for the new year..and almost 2 months later..I'm still here. Maybe God isn't helping because he knows I truly don't want to stop caring for them? But I DO! I truly want to just forget that they ever happened. I know I sound pathetic, but I really want some Christian/Biblical advice.

Thank you.

Its important to recognize when a friendship/relationship is over or not worth pursuing because its toxic . Once you do realize that, then, you think logically and objectively and choose to move on all the while relying on God to help you recover and emotionally heal. Usually, its a very good idea to give yourself some time off of dating or spending alot of time with the opposite sex so you can concentrate on Christ, your healiing, The Bible, and to serve God in various ways -- these things have a very therapuetic benefit after a huge breakup which upsets you.

Finally, learn what you can from the now previous relationship , admit your failings in it , grow from it, and come to terms that your life CAN go on without this other person. You never want to be obsessed , resort to stalking on any level, or force yourself on Another . You must respect the other Persons freewill choice in the matter and show integrity by not being burdensome to this other person now. Instead, write down some ways that you can move forward from this including ways to spend your time, how you can serve your Lord more, and how you can be a blessing to someone daily.

The pain will subside and eventually go away, and if you take Christ thru the whole process, it will be an assuring experience for you.

 

[Ace99]

Prayer and Peace, I know what you mean by stalking I kept texting my ex girlfriend I couldn't let it go, I only recently after three years, have been able to leave it in gods hands, my mind would go crazy, what's she doing, where's she going, who's she seeing,
then looking at the time thinking she will be here, doing this or that, thinking I bet she is with someone, or if she isn't its only a matter of time, she is so good looking,
which guy wouldn't want to go out with her, then crying because I couldn't be with her, what made matters even worse was I used to go out with her but I left her for someone else, I did something I've never done before and it was really stupid,
but it made me so guilty because I lost her, even after all this she wanted to be friends but I wanted more than that I couldn't stop thinking about her but she moved on but for me it was only yesterday,
it hurt so badly the pain was unbearable, I prayed and prayed to god, that he would let me be with her, I would pray more than 150 times a day, she was always on my mind, it was literally like, I ate, slept and breathed her, but I've had to let it go, she has moved on and I have to do the same.
God is helping me through this, it was obsessive and not good, but keep praying to the great healer he can help you through this and help you start a new life. God bless you my sister

 

[If Not For Grace]

I know I should be able to stop caring about them on my own, but I can't.

I am in the process of getting rid of one now-I NEVER had a relationship with-I just tried to be nice to. After 30 days of ignorning calls, messg etc (I do not respond) Stalker finally sends me a msg last night says "Finally I understand"..I think Thank God, Gee only to have 3 more messages BF 9:00am this Morning. They Will figure it out or not..but GEE leave me alone...was my prayer..now it's just sad someone is that desperate for attention..but it is still TOO BAD..

No. (is a complete sentance)..

SO... even if you "care" understand that you are the reason people MOVE, change their phone #'s and LEAVE.

The only relationship you have is in your head..please seek professional help. X=OVER..it's over..let it go.

 

[Spunkn]

I think a few of you are being a little hard on the OP. She's not actually stalking him (at least according to her post)

She "checks" his facebook / twitter but that was all she mentioned. Imo this is far from actual stalking. It's an obsession, and it's unhealthy, but to me it hasn't reached a level of stalking.

We all have obsessions, and things in our lives that are unhealthy. Yeah she needs to deal with it. But I don't see this one as a huge deal that some are making it out to be.

 

[Passionate Chicken]

No, it's stalking. As she even noted in her own words.
She asked a community of strangers what we thought. She didn't have to post and we didn't have to reply.

Don't worry about it. It's not your original post. But her behavior is stalking. Look it up.
Obsessing over someone that's broken up with you isn't healthy. And depending on how far they take the stalking if it escalates it can be deemed illegal and get them arrested. So, no! We don't all have obsessions. That would be your admission.Not anything that speaks to everyone else. (we all)

 

[Spunkn]

Maybe I should rephrase, perhaps it is stalking. But it is not the dangerous kind that people usually refer to when they mention stalking.

All I'm saying is, checking someone's facebook / twiter all the time, is hardly serious cause for concern for the other person.

Creepy? Maybe.

 

[HIS Geeky Girl]

I think a few of you are being a little hard on the OP. She's not actually stalking him (at least according to her post)

She "checks" his facebook / twitter but that was all she mentioned. Imo this is far from actual stalking. It's an obsession, and it's unhealthy, but to me it hasn't reached a level of stalking.

We all have obsessions, and things in our lives that are unhealthy. Yeah she needs to deal with it. But I don't see this one as a huge deal that some are making it out to be.

I just used the term "stalk" because the OP did. Clearly, even though we all know she's not like, sitting outside his house and following him in her car, she realizes that her behavior is counter-productive at best and unhealthy at worst. I don't think anyone here is acting like we need to call the cops because she's a dangerous criminal.

 

[BFine]

You read your ex's page each day but you don't leave any comments.
What's so different about checking in on their page(s) than how you
check in on / read your other friends pages?

There's nothing carved in stone that states you can't care about people...
even an ex.

Question--
Are you only checking your ex(s) pages?

I keep regular updates on my friends and some of them are ex friends--
former guys I dated in NC....which happened over two decades ago?
A lot of things were forgiven and we are now on speaking terms.
I pray for them and their families and they pray for us(i'm married.)
I don't have regular in person meetings with them since I no longer live in
NC...I live in Canada. It's been nearly 11 years since I lived in NC.

 

[paul1149]

It may help to get your motivations clear. God always wants the best for us and wants us to mature spiritually, so we can grow closer to Him and bear more fruit. So He is not the problem.

I get the impression that right now you are in the ring, locked in direct opposition to this behavior. But the problem is your heart is divided, so you can't stand. The external aids you've devised ultimately cannot work without the cooperation of the heart.

The answer is to meditate on the behavior and realize how truly bad it is for you. It is an idol that draws your attention away from God and the things that will make for a successful life, including character formation. In that sense it functions exactly the same as pornography. It destroys one's ability to relate to others in a healthy way. So many say that these things done in private are victimless crimes, but they are not, on many levels.

I don't know the whole story with the Ex, but if there is a chance that the two of you are supposed to be together, this may well be a critical "fasting" period where you need to stay away and respect the ebb and flow of the Spirit in that regard. If that is the case, this is the only way the Lord can build into you what is lacking for your total success in life and fulfillment as a person. But if you short-circuit His intentions, that is not going to happen.

Consider well what effects this is having on you, what it is turning you into, and decide if that is what you want for yourself. Our decisions add up and become enshrined as character, and character leads to destiny. If you get your heart clear and right on this, I believe the behavior will be a whole lot easier to get control of.

 

[Ark100]

I didn't know where else to post this, so I posted it in Christian Advice, since I am a Christian and has asked God for help.

We were together since 2009 and parted ways in late 2012, when we parted ways I had a broken heart for a while. I asked God to please help me get over them. I still lurk (lurk is another word for stalk I guess..) on their facebook/twitter page like everyday, just to see what they are up to. For the month of February I said I was going to stop. So what I did was for the first couple of days, was not going lurk on their page at all, and I would put an X on the day where I didn't lurk. I did this well for 3 days and fell right back in. I have asked God to help me terribly, and I guess he's tried of hearing from me about this simple problem. I know I should be able to stop caring about them on my own, but I can't. It was a bond that was formed over 3 years and you just can't up and stop caring about someone like that, well atleast I can't. Me and my family went to church for the new year, and the pastor was preaching about "Stop your addictions, and you can't do it without God" something of that nature, I felt as though this was directed towards me since they were my addiction. I made a promise to myself, that I would stop caring about them for the new year..and almost 2 months later..I'm still here. Maybe God isn't helping because he knows I truly don't want to stop caring for them? But I DO! I truly want to just forget that they ever happened. I know I sound pathetic, but I really want some Christian/Biblical advice.

Thank you.

Not sure why some people are being mean in their replies to your OP, but you do know to not worry too much about the mean replies. Nothing is wrong with you. You still love him and I feel sorry for you.

I wonder why some people who replied are mean in their posts? It looks like something she can't easily control. Not everyone has the same level of self-control and restraint. Its like some of the people replying here just don't understand human nature sometimes. Some of the replies here are unbelievable.

Best thing for you to do is keep praying to God. You probably still love him very much, and God sees that. It will pass, the feeling and unable to let go of 'stalking' him. Just keep praying everyday that God will help you move on. God knows and sees all, don't worry too much about what you dont think you are doing right that may make God act different. He understands it all. Keep praying.

Before you know it, someone else will come along or even other things will take up your time more than the thought of your ex. With time, it will go. Don't give up on prayer, but dont stress yourself out too much and don't worry about things too much

 

[PrayerandPeace]

I made this thread almost a month ago and I have made just a little progress. I'm getting better but I'm still not over them. I keep praying to God to help me now, but I still feel the same way.