How can I get over this pain?

[TexasBluebonnet]

Hi,

I guess this goes here. I guess I am grieving. In a way anyway. I don't have a dad anymore. I sent him the wrong Father's Day card and now he's punishing me. I haven't gotten it back, so I know he got it. He was supposed to have called when he recieved it, but I haven't heard from him. I don't understand this. I don't understand why he hasn't called. I've talked to my grandmother twice since then, and the last time he arrived at her house while we were still talking. Normally, she asks if I want her to put him on the phone or she'll ask him. She didn't do either. That's very abnormal. It's very odd for him not talk to me when he's there and I'm talking to my grandmother. He has a limited income and so he takes advantage of a free phone call to me when he can because I'm long distance for him. I don't let on that this is bothering so much. I don't want anyone around me to know. But it really is. He's totally cut me out and I don't understand why. I keep checking the mail box every day to see if the card has come back, but it hasn't. Every time the phone rings I run to see if it's him. I can't live like this. I'm so depressed over this. Now, I have this boulder sized weight in the pit of my stomach and it hurts all the time. I just want this pain to go away. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make this pain go away? I need to get over this and I want to be happy again. I just don't know how.

 

[Petunia]

You said you sent him the wrong father's day card.. and now he's cut you out of his life. What kind of card did you send him? If it was a card to take a jab at him out of anger over something.. then call him and apologize. Leave a message if he doesnt answer.

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

Hi,

Oh, I was just being...sardonic I guess. I spent about 15 minutes picking out what I thought was a nice card. Here's what it looked like: it was a blue square with a smaller square swatch of "handerkerchief" on it and it had Dad embroidered on it. Inside was what I thought was a sentimental inscription. It was short, but sweet and more than that I really liked the look of the card. It just looked...dad-like I guess with the hankie on it. I guess in his mind though it is the wrong card. But I thought it was a nice card. Oh well. But I can understand why you would ask what you did. No, I was being nice and thought that he'd like it. So...I dunno know. Like I said, he's done this to others before. Like his own brother. But thanks for writing back. Maybe you have some insight to offer?

 

[Petunia]

I don't remember your saying he's done this to others before. I only asked what kind of card it was.. because his getting angry over a regular card.. sounded like you may have left something out. Normally.. parents don't cut their children out of their lives over a Father's day card.

Have you called him and tried to talk to him about it?

 

[humblet]

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this with your dad. You said that he's done this before, though...and what were the outcomes? Has he ever managed to reconcile with anyone he's done this to in the past? Can you think of any other reason that your dad may be upset with you? If it were me, I would want to know *why*, and I would try to talk with him, if not over the phone, then by sending him another card or letter and at least explaining my perception of things to see if they are correct or I'm just missing something and have it wrong somehow. But I can see how it would be something that hurt deeply (I didn't always have a good relationship with my dad...) I truly hope the best for you and your dad

 

[sunflower2007]

Instead of worrying yourself to death over this, how about just asking if the card offended him. If it did, simply apologize. This would save you a ton of trouble. Ask God to help you to get this situation fixed. Cast your cares on Him. He can handle all your burdens. I'll pray for you, too.

 

[TexasBluebonnet]

Instead of worrying yourself to death over this, how about just asking if the card offended him. If it did, simply apologize. This would save you a ton of trouble. Ask God to help you to get this situation fixed. Cast your cares on Him. He can handle all your burdens. I'll pray for you, too.

Thanks, but no thanks. At least for the part about calling him. He's a toxic person and I'm much happier without him in my life. I had anorexia for like 12 years because of the pain and abandonment he put me through. My father is never going to change. I see that now. He's always done things like this. He moved to another town and didn't bother telling me. I only found out when my sister (half) asked me how I felt about it. My mom and sister knew about it before I did. I was the last to know about it. I'm really fine about it now. So what if I never hear from him? That's his loss and his choice. I'm really over it. I don't trust him anymore at all. I mean, yeah what if I did call him and we started talking again. Great. Then something "offends" him and he shuts me out again. I can't go through that again. It took me two months to get over this. I can't let this happen again. So, thanks for the suggestions, but I'm really okay now.

 

[sunflower2007]

Glad to hear you're feeling better.

 

[ladyt28]

TexasBB - I am glad that you are doing better. I agree with the suggestion to pray - give it to God and just move on. You seem like a charming young lady - it is definitely his loss not to have you in his life! God Bless you hon!