How can I get closer to God?

[Xin]

Xin, been there, done that. Regardless of what "they" may or may not be saying about you, personally, you are a blessed event in this life, a minister of God's love to self and others. Don't sweat the small stuff, don't let your imagination decide what is true or false. In all your ways acknowledge Him, in your going out and in your coming in. In everything give Him thanks. Keep that gentle, gentle smile on your face --- He put it there! If there is fear of rejection, ease into the situation. Realize that everyone you encounter won't turn out to be your best friend. Cherish your friends. They'll disappoint you at times, but that is a normal part of life --- they have their burdens to bear. You continue to be loving, true, kind, a genuine friend with genuine concern for others. Walk in His footsteps! Help others with their burdens. Wow! It doesn't get any better than that!

I am trying to do this, but it is very hard. I believe one of the reasons I turned away from God such a long time ago, around the age of 15, was because I felt like I was not welcome anywhere. As far back as I can remember, I'm the kind of person that people blame when something happens because I am awkward and I mess up a lot. I've done a lot of things that are very sinful and very bad, and I try not to let them get to me, but the town I live in is filled with people who love to spread rumors, so my general reputation is in the dirt. I even had a past girlfriend who purposefully sabotaged my reputation and spread rumors just so any other girl wouldn't want me.

I can deal with not feeling welcome in school or public places because I've dealt with it since elementary school. However, it hurts the most when I experience it in church, because it's the last place I expect it. It's not just me imagining it, because I consistently hear people express their concerns about even sitting near me, and I've even heard people asking "Why is HE here?" I am 21 now, so I should be an adult and get over all of this, but when you have this problem that's been unresolved ever since you were in pre-school, you have a hard time just changing and trying to repair the image other people have of you. Because of all these rumors, I basically hide from and avoid people, and have difficulty speaking and expressing myself.

I will continue to pray and try to get closer to God because at this point, I feel like He is the only one who could possibly forgive me and accept me for who I am despite the person I was in the past, and the things I've done. Maybe I will get over it and find a way to get past all of it, but it won't come easily. Maybe this is just how things are supposed to be, or maybe this is a test/challenge for me.

 

[damascusroad]

Let "I" get out of the way so that HE can be. Look to Him rather than to your sorrow. Rejoice that you are loved beyond measure, that you will spend eternity in the presence of God, where LOVE is everywhere for everyone. When you get up in the morning, take a few moments to relax. Breathe. Smile. Then, gently, out loud, say this:

"God, BE!" "Jesus, BE!"

May He fill your day with His presence. May you radiate His love and His joy.

 

[Jonathan95]

I am trying to do this, but it is very hard. I believe one of the reasons I turned away from God such a long time ago, around the age of 15, was because I felt like I was not welcome anywhere. As far back as I can remember, I'm the kind of person that people blame when something happens because I am awkward and I mess up a lot. I've done a lot of things that are very sinful and very bad, and I try not to let them get to me, but the town I live in is filled with people who love to spread rumors, so my general reputation is in the dirt. I even had a past girlfriend who purposefully sabotaged my reputation and spread rumors just so any other girl wouldn't want me.

I can deal with not feeling welcome in school or public places because I've dealt with it since elementary school. However, it hurts the most when I experience it in church, because it's the last place I expect it. It's not just me imagining it, because I consistently hear people express their concerns about even sitting near me, and I've even heard people asking "Why is HE here?" I am 21 now, so I should be an adult and get over all of this, but when you have this problem that's been unresolved ever since you were in pre-school, you have a hard time just changing and trying to repair the image other people have of you. Because of all these rumors, I basically hide from and avoid people, and have difficulty speaking and expressing myself.

I will continue to pray and try to get closer to God because at this point, I feel like He is the only one who could possibly forgive me and accept me for who I am despite the person I was in the past, and the things I've done. Maybe I will get over it and find a way to get past all of it, but it won't come easily. Maybe this is just how things are supposed to be, or maybe this is a test/challenge for me.

I will pray for you. Why wouldn't they want you in their churches? What churches are those? Not all churches are biblical, neither are all that go to church christians, but many are goats etc.

 

[SharonL]

Xin - hold your head up high and be proud - you have one thing up on them - you are forgiven - God says if you don't forgive - you will not be forgiven - those who will not forgive you are not walking in God's Will.

You are doing fine, just remember with ever step you take you are farther away from your past and closer to your future with God. If they get you down - they have won - Look at them and smile and remember you are forgiven - when God sees you - he sees a Child of God whose name is in the Lambs Book of Life - show them what forgiven means. It is hard - I'm not saying it is not - but you are a winner and God's Warrior now.

 

[God's Fighter]

May I suggest becoming involved in your church in some way. Seek ways to serve Him, I always hear about studying and praying and not doing bad things to get closer to Him. While those are all true I rarely hear someone say "Serve Him". It is an incredible part of your journey to expend some of yourself for Jesus Christ. I use the word "incredible" to place importance on serving Him but also to stress that is very... amazing. Run with Him, get closer to people that could use His help.

 

[Xin]

I will pray for you. Why wouldn't they want you in their churches? What churches are those? Not all churches are biblical, neither are all that go to church christians, but many are goats etc.

The easiest way for me to describe this is that I live in a strong Asian community, and you know how competitive and judgmental certain Asians are of others. For example, Koreans and Chinese have strong feelings of resentment towards Japanese. My Church is more than 95% of a certain Asian race, but I am not of that race, so sometimes I overhear older members (around 40+) wondering why I am there, but this probably due to some kind of resentment towards my race because of their past. The town I live in mostly has that particular Asian race as well, so most of the churches in this area are of that race. Also, this particular Asian race has a strong rumor mill in town, which is why they all know each other so well, and why if one of them speaks bad of someone, everyone in town will know within a week.

Everyone else thanks for your comments, I think I understand what I should do now. It is already a struggle for me to do my best to be Christian, but some of the things like giving up the "I" are hard for me because of the past I've had. I hope that I can make some progress on this but i know it won't be an easy climb, but anything is worth it to get closer to God.

 

[gypsygirl]

Hi Xin,
Regarding deeper intimacy with God, I would simply encourage you to delve into scripture (definitely get a thorough study Bible) and even listen to it on audio if you are struggling with attention issues. The Holy Spirit will bring those verses to mind later on which is a valuable tool in combating the enemy, whom Christ called "the father of lies" - Satan will suck you into oppression by reiterating all your past mistakes, etc. to you. At those very moments, meditate on verses that reaffirm your position before God and identity from Christ. He's given you authority so by all means utilize it.

While we all want to be "good Christians", meaning genuine good works and a converted heart, that can only come by getting real with God and permitting Him to reveal our deepest motives and intentions. Usually we are good at deceiving ourselves at what those are, and it can be quite freeing when the Holy Spirit reveals our deepest thoughts through simply reading the Bible (more often than not I find my problems tend to somehow hearken back to violating one of the original Ten Commandments at a very fundamental, basic level). At the same time, Christ referred to the HS as the "Comforter" (see John) and sometimes that's what we need - a good friend who willingly listens and reassures, and He never tires of that. Sometimes we need to allow Him to help us grieve our past mistakes/experiences in order TO LET GO and move on so we can walk in the joy and victory He has already ordained for us.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Xin. Jesus gave you a good and simple way. In Matthew 22, verse35-49,
Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is: Love thy neighbour as thyself." Then Jesus states this great truth: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." God wants our Love, freely given and no conditions asked. Start by treating all you know and all you meet, as you would love to be treated: with kindness and always friendly
words. God will see your sincere efforts, and God will approve and bless you.
Jesus will give you His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower you with His Love, also. Keep asking God for Love and Joy, keep thanking God, and then keep sharing all Love and Joy with your neighbour. ( all you know and all you meet, friends and not friends) God will know that you Love God,
because you follow His Commandmnts to Love and Care.
God is Love and God wants Loving children/sons and daughters. Jesus our Saviour will help and guide you all the way: JESUS IS THE WAY. Jesus told us:
" ask and ye will receive," then keep sharing all Love and Joy with your neighbour. You might stumble and forget at times, but then get up, thank God, and carry on sharing all Love and Joy with all around you.
Love is very catching, and soon you will find that you are" Born Anew," a new
person. Everything you say or do, everything you advise or stand for, will be
done from Love and Compassion. You will be very close to God, because you Love God and Obey God. With God by your side Xin, who or what will
be against you? I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[Xin]

Thanks guys, this advice is really helpful. The hardest part may be learning to love God and accepting His love. My heart is very hardened and cold... just from the way I was brought up by my non-Christian family and from what I've experienced. There are some thing such as the recent shootings at the school... A lot of people from my church were upset, but when I heard about it, I didn't feel anything. Then i was disgusted and upset at myself because I didn't feel anything. I don't know why I've become so "neutral" in life... I've felt overwhelmed a few times with emotions, most recently whenever I am deep in prayer or singing at church. Before going to my recent church, most of the times it was over break-ups (it's kind of bad that I'm a guy and get upset over these kinds of things...). So yeah... I'm not really sure why my heart is so cold, so I hope I can learn to open it up better.

 

[BYHISLOVE]

Hi I am new here as well but I thought I would way in and give you something to think about. We are not responsible for all the random thoughts that seem to appear out of nowhere. However we are responsible for the way we react or dont react to those thoughts. Just keep asking the Holy Spirit for guidance and do not let the enemy make you start feeling guilty for random thoughts that you have no control over. I hope this helps and God bless you